[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I haven't been on here in quite some time but I was a regular for a while.

When I grew up I had a very abusive childhood from SA, EA, PA, and basically any kind of abuse thought of. I was a target and it was bad.

I had my first "blackout" during one of my most traumatic events when I was 5. Just 3 short weeks after a severe accident when I hit my head. I had many other blackouts throughout my life, a lot of them revolving around high stress times. I would also say things unlike me and sometimes repeat them when I would have blackouts. The doctors diagnosed me with MPD almost 12 years ago.

But in 2011 I started having seizures. The therapist and pdoc assumed these were psuedo seizures (non epileptic seizures) and could be controlled with therapy. They were convinced I had DID and not epilepsy.

But Tuesday I was officially diagnosed with epilepsy. I saw a neurologist who thought they were epileptic seizures so he ordered an EEG, which proved epilepsy. It's sad and I am confused. I'm not the person I spent the last 12 years thinking I was.

So I don't have DID, I have epilepsy. My "spells" and blackouts are related to epilepsy and not DID. To be quite honest, I was somehow for some reason hoping it was DID, DID is curable and manageable. Epilepsy can be managed but without brain surgery can not be cured. I will be on medication for the remainder of my life.

I spent 12 years thinking I had DID, but I don't. But in those 12 years I've learned so much about DID and so much about "parts" and I am thankful for that. I've became great friends with people with DID and they are wonderful people. I have learned so much from all of you and I want to say thank you. It's amazing how great the mind is and to what length it will go to protect itself. It's amazing how strong each and every one of you are. My heart goes out to each and every one of you and I hope you find peace and happiness in your life. Take care and see ya later!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

I haven't been on here in quite some time but I was a regular for a while.

When I grew up I had a very abusive childhood from SA, EA, PA, and basically any kind of abuse thought of. I was a target and it was bad.

I had my first "blackout" during one of my most traumatic events when I was 5. Just 3 short weeks after a severe accident when I hit my head. I had many other blackouts throughout my life, a lot of them revolving around high stress times. I would also say things unlike me and sometimes repeat them when I would have blackouts. The doctors diagnosed me with MPD almost 12 years ago.

But in 2011 I started having seizures. The therapist and pdoc assumed these were psuedo seizures (non epileptic seizures) and could be controlled with therapy. They were convinced I had DID and not epilepsy.

But Tuesday I was officially diagnosed with epilepsy. I saw a neurologist who thought they were epileptic seizures so he ordered an EEG, which proved epilepsy. It's sad and I am confused. I'm not the person I spent the last 12 years thinking I was.

So I don't have DID, I have epilepsy. My "spells" and blackouts are related to epilepsy and not DID. To be quite honest, I was somehow for some reason hoping it was DID, DID is curable and manageable. Epilepsy can be managed but without brain surgery can not be cured. I will be on medication for the remainder of my life.

I spent 12 years thinking I had DID, but I don't. But in those 12 years I've learned so much about DID and so much about "parts" and I am thankful for that. I've became great friends with people with DID and they are wonderful people. I have learned so much from all of you and I want to say thank you. It's amazing how great the mind is and to what length it will go to protect itself. It's amazing how strong each and every one of you are. My heart goes out to each and every one of you and I hope you find peace and happiness in your life. Take care and see ya later!

its been a long road for you. many mental and physical health problems share the same symptoms so sometimes like what happened in you it sometimes takes years to slowly narrow down, rule in and out different diagnosis's and causes until finally a definitive answer can be given. Im glad that you now have the answers to what is going on with in you and happy that you can now rest easy knowing you are finally correctly diagnosed and receiving treatment. I have missed your posts and have wondered how you are doing. thanks for the update.

[pegasus]

Please know you are always welcome here! ((((( PurpleFlyingMonkeys ))))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((purple))))))

[Claritytoo]

Take care. I enjoyed your insights. We will miss you.

[Bmee2]

PurpleflyingMonkey....you do not have to go do you?
You can still post your thoughts and feelings can't you? So what it has been determined that you have epilepsy. Don't you still have thoughts and feelings about that? You and i were never close but i came to know your name and i would hate to say "goodbye" just because there has been clarity in your actual diagnosis. Please do not say goodbye. At first i was scared you were...leaving the world on purpose...then i thought maybe you were sick and could not get better. i am glad you will still exist. i do not want to say goodbye so...i am not going to. ...a distant admirer/friend.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I talked to my old t yesterday. I'm in this awful rut and have been for nearly 2 years so I'm going back to therapy. I talked to my t on the phone for about 15 minutes yesterday. He aknowledges the epilepsy diagnosis and is glad that I have been able to get that sorted... but... He still believes 100% that I have DID and has never been so sure of a DID diagnosis nor met a person with DID whose parts were so stubborn. But he agreed that when I go back in for now he will work on coping skills and not try and force the DID parts to emerge or anything. The only time any "parts" were revealed in therapy was after a year of seeing the same t 1-2 times every week.

But it makes me wonder if these parts he met were a result of the seizures. If I was just in some seizure state of mind that altered my state. I've been thinking long and hard on all of this. I brought it up with my T and he said "No, don't go and get the two mixed up they are two different issues completely".

But I found this article and thought I would share it with y'all. It shows a connection between temporal lobe epilepsy and DID

Dissociative Identity Disorder

[pegasus]

It is likely that you have both, a lot of people have many different diagnosis. Temporal lobe siezures do cause dissociation but they don't cause alters or splitting. You can have epilepsy and DID. Looking at your history, you were diagnosed with DID 12 years ago, the seizures are a recent thing, they are two very different things. Hugs

[likewater]

The head injury could have caused the epilepsy. I'm so sorry it went undiagnosed for so long. The seizures can also cause some horrible migraines. Sending you hugs and may angels surround you.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I really just don't think I can accept the DID diagnosis or go back down that route any time soon. When they diagnosed me with epilepsy I was under the assumption that it ruled out the DID. But apparently it doesn't necessarily do that.

I am a control freak by nature. It's who I am. And already with the epilepsy I am giving up a lot of control with my life and it's very difficult to accept. The idea that I have no control even when I'm not seizing because of the DID is just too much for me to handle right now. Its like I already barely have any control over my life and thinking about having DID as well, if that is the case I would have absolutely no control in my life which is a huge problem.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Originally Posted by pegasus

It is likely that you have both, a lot of people have many different diagnosis. Temporal lobe siezures do cause dissociation but they don't cause alters or splitting. You can have epilepsy and DID. Looking at your history, you were diagnosed with DID 12 years ago, the seizures are a recent thing, they are two very different things. Hugs

They are two different things, however the simple partial seizures I have can explain my episodes of dissociation. It wouldn't necessarily explain my full blown blackouts but considering I don't know what happened during these blackouts and it was so long ago that I don't remember how I felt before and after makes it hard to determine if they were in fact seizures.

However, my last major blackout that lasted about 8 hours was about 5 years ago. Strange now I'm connecting the dots and see that 3 out of my last 4 major blackouts happened in May time frame which is when I had a major blackout during a traumatic event when I was 14. Last May I had a drop seizure. 3 years before that I had a blackout that lasted 8 hours and me in the hospital.

But with those I'm fairly certain those two were seizures. Although when I went to the hospital 4 years ago no doctors every said anything about seizures, I don't think. Than again I don't remember the hospital really. I kept coming out of it and have flashes of memory from that night but that's it. I was vomiting, laying on the floor, apparenly I just kept yelling "I'm going to die" and was vomiting the whole night. I'm assuming I wasn't responsive in the hospital because one flash I remember was a nurse coming in the room saying she was going to give me a cathadir to which I replied all groggily "No, I can pee in a cup" and next thing I know I'm being discharged from the hospital. With the worst migraine of my life lasting about 5 days. Why would they give me a cathadir unless I wasn't responsive? I was sitting on the couch and the next thing I know I'm in the bathroom vomiting, then I fall and hit my head on the counter and it's just flashes from there for the entire night. But they sent me home. Wish I could get the records but they said they have no records of me. I don't know what's going on with that.

But I just emailed the girl that was with me and asked her the details, hopefully that will shed some light on the topic. You would think if I was having back to back seizures that they would have known something was up so the psych docs always assumed it was a dissociative episode. But with so many different types of seizures and my symptoms during it's hard to tell.

I just want to not have epilepsy and not have DID. I feel for all of you who do have DID and when I'm under a large amount of stress I wish a part would come let me in and let me get away from the stress but that only lasts a few hours at most most of the time, before I'm back to reality with a lot of confusion and headache.

[Nammu]

Purple I was Dx as PTSD, then with DID. After a car accident and a OD I developed nocturnal Tonic-Clonic seizures. I was told......back in the 90's that my migraines, and epilepsy and DID was likely connected. It was the chicken and the egg as to whether the DID or the migraines were first. They believed I had a propensity that caused the seizures. Fortunately the seizures stopped after a few years, I merged and no longer have DID although in high stress situations I do have a tendency to dissociate.

I know it can seem overwhelming to have two Dx, but maybe just keep an open mind to the possibility so you can work on it. If as you work with your T you find it really isn't so you will not have lost time in de-nile. I can't say how it is for you but I lost valuable time and good Tx possibilities to denial of the DID. I'm not saying you have both, it's possible.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

They are two different things, however the simple partial seizures I have can explain my episodes of dissociation. It wouldn't necessarily explain my full blown blackouts but considering I don't know what happened during these blackouts and it was so long ago that I don't remember how I felt before and after makes it hard to determine if they were in fact seizures.

However, my last major blackout that lasted about 8 hours was about 5 years ago. Strange now I'm connecting the dots and see that 3 out of my last 4 major blackouts happened in May time frame which is when I had a major blackout during a traumatic event when I was 14. Last May I had a drop seizure. 3 years before that I had a blackout that lasted 8 hours and me in the hospital.

But with those I'm fairly certain those two were seizures. Although when I went to the hospital 4 years ago no doctors every said anything about seizures, I don't think. Than again I don't remember the hospital really. I kept coming out of it and have flashes of memory from that night but that's it. I was vomiting, laying on the floor, apparenly I just kept yelling "I'm going to die" and was vomiting the whole night. I'm assuming I wasn't responsive in the hospital because one flash I remember was a nurse coming in the room saying she was going to give me a cathadir to which I replied all groggily "No, I can pee in a cup" and next thing I know I'm being discharged from the hospital. With the worst migraine of my life lasting about 5 days. Why would they give me a cathadir unless I wasn't responsive? I was sitting on the couch and the next thing I know I'm in the bathroom vomiting, then I fall and hit my head on the counter and it's just flashes from there for the entire night. But they sent me home. Wish I could get the records but they said they have no records of me. I don't know what's going on with that.

But I just emailed the girl that was with me and asked her the details, hopefully that will shed some light on the topic. You would think if I was having back to back seizures that they would have known something was up so the psych docs always assumed it was a dissociative episode. But with so many different types of seizures and my symptoms during it's hard to tell.

I just want to not have epilepsy and not have DID. I feel for all of you who do have DID and when I'm under a large amount of stress I wish a part would come let me in and let me get away from the stress but that only lasts a few hours at most most of the time, before I'm back to reality with a lot of confusion and headache.

Purpleflyingmonkeys...Ive done some checking with some specialists about seizures and DID because of the new incoming diagnostics...the short version is that yes sometimes a person is diagnosed with one or the other first ....but...the distinguishing factor with DID caused seizures is that they do not show up the same as epileptic seizures..DID related seizures are what here in the USA call conversion type seizures...a persons dissociative symptoms are converted into a seizure...

example... using depression

instead of feeling an overwhelming sadness that sadness is converted into the physical problem of having headaches/migraines.

using dissociation...

dissociative symptom ...numbness

instead of feeling numb the person has a seizure the numbness has been converted into a seizure.

dissociative symptom.... feeling triggered/anxiety ridden, wanting to get away

instead of feeling triggered the anxiety and needing to get away is converted into having a seizure.

some DID people have the symptom of hearing alters voices

the hearing voices gets converted into having a seizure instead of hearing the voices.

my suggestion go according to what ever your own treatment providers say is going on with you. they have told you that you have epilepsy. epilepsy and other seizure disorder type seizures have to be ruled out in order for a person to have DID.. the type of seizures with DID are different then those with epilepsy.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

my suggestion go according to what ever your own treatment providers say is going on with you. they have told you that you have epilepsy. epilepsy and other seizure disorder type seizures have to be ruled out in order for a person to have DID.. the type of seizures with DID are different then those with epilepsy.

Thank you Amandalouise! My neurologist ran an EEG and on that EEG there was seizure activity so I was officially diagnosed with epilepsy. The episodes I have that the psych doctors have said were dissociative symptoms, the neurologist is thinking they are simple partial seizures but says we wont really know until the epilepsy is controlled on medication.

When I called my therapist to let him know the epilepsy diagnosis he went on to insist that I was DID and that I may have epilepsy as well but I do still have DID. He seems pretty sure about that. I'm not so sure. But he wants to continue therapy with me... But for him to not have an open mind that perhaps the epilepsy are what has caused my dissociative symptoms, I really would like to start over with a new therapist/psychiatrist team.

I really don't think that I have DID. It really sucks that it's something physically wrong with me that can never be fixed completely without brain surgery but it is what it is. It was always hard to fully accept the DID diagnosis and now the epilepsy diagnosis really makes a lot more sense. But I guess my T doesn't feel that way, or perhaps he's just obsessed with the idea of it being DID he's not seeing the whole picture.

ETA: Originally they did think I was having psuedo seizures and my T and pdoc were pretty convinced that the psuedo seizures were DID related, so sure that they convinced me I didn't need to follow up with a neurologist because I would never have a seizure again. Eventually though I decided not to trust that and to just be sure and was pretty shocked with the outcome. I would have preferred they be psuedoseizures.

[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

That must be a huge shock to learn this new diagnosis. I have epilepsy myself (i should say one of my child alters has it, no one else seems to) And it is difficult to deal with.

And on top of all that it sounds very severe for you.

Just wanted to let you know I'm still here for you regardless of what is going on in your life. You've always been a good friend on here and I care about you a lot. I wish you good luck and good health in the future.

Lots of hugs and love
-(Andi)