[itsmeleyreagain]

I suspect I have DID and I want to do something. Yet again, since yesterday feels like I'm in a switch, and my whole head feels a different way.
If I had to explain why I know I have DID, I would say because I am so many different people and I feel like I switch, like sometimes I am one, and many times I am another person who is not me completely and then I stop. I feel broken, splintered in many parts. I cannot explain it better but that's the way it is. Do you feel the same way?

Today and yesterday were days I felt absolutely nothing. For me it's very hard, these days I was attending a course I really hate going to and it tore me up in two, switching everytime I went there, feeling like a different person, getting those horrible feelings again. I think that sums it pretty well. And I have the feeling that the pills my psychiatrist makes me take are good, okay, for some people, many people it might be like that. Yesterday I was reading a webpage on DID and it really convinced me, I have many symptoms of it apart from the memory loss (can someone please tell me if not having memory loss is the definitive proof you don't have DID? Because I read a lot of the memory loss thing, and that's the only thing I don't. I remember quite well everything I do. There's no part of my life I can't account at all for what I was doing. But it can feel distant, however).
I want, I need to tell my mother, the other day I began to, and I'm afraid that it happens again like it happened when i was 14. I ha dmore or less the same problems I have now and in the end, too much pain, I did nothing with the psychologist or with my life, yeah, my life improved somewhat, but in the long term I can see i did a few things wrong maybe.

Today I don't feel like myself. I've been trying to shake (because I get tremors and shake from switching) but sometimes people are watching and feels like, maybe, I don't have alters at all. I've been already in this thing of "being all okay" and not being okay at all. How can I explain people to which extent I am used to lying to people, maybe even to myself? Well, not to myself, but I spend such a big amount of time hiding. And my parents are the best people in the world, but they know nothing. I want to change psychologist so he can tell me whether I have did or not...because my psychologist doesn't believe on it at all.

i'll keep telling after, now got things to do.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by itsmeleyreagain

I suspect I have DID and I want to do something. Yet again, since yesterday feels like I'm in a switch, and my whole head feels a different way.
If I had to explain why I know I have DID, I would say because I am so many different people and I feel like I switch, like sometimes I am one, and many times I am another person who is not me completely and then I stop. I feel broken, splintered in many parts. I cannot explain it better but that's the way it is. Do you feel the same way?

Today and yesterday were days I felt absolutely nothing. For me it's very hard, these days I was attending a course I really hate going to and it tore me up in two, switching everytime I went there, feeling like a different person, getting those horrible feelings again. I think that sums it pretty well. And I have the feeling that the pills my psychiatrist makes me take are good, okay, for some people, many people it might be like that. Yesterday I was reading a webpage on DID and it really convinced me, I have many symptoms of it apart from the memory loss (can someone please tell me if not having memory loss is the definitive proof you don't have DID? Because I read a lot of the memory loss thing, and that's the only thing I don't. I remember quite well everything I do. There's no part of my life I can't account at all for what I was doing. But it can feel distant, however).
I want, I need to tell my mother, the other day I began to, and I'm afraid that it happens again like it happened when i was 14. I ha dmore or less the same problems I have now and in the end, too much pain, I did nothing with the psychologist or with my life, yeah, my life improved somewhat, but in the long term I can see i did a few things wrong maybe.

Today I don't feel like myself. I've been trying to shake (because I get tremors and shake from switching) but sometimes people are watching and feels like, maybe, I don't have alters at all. I've been already in this thing of "being all okay" and not being okay at all. How can I explain people to which extent I am used to lying to people, maybe even to myself? Well, not to myself, but I spend such a big amount of time hiding. And my parents are the best people in the world, but they know nothing. I want to change psychologist so he can tell me whether I have did or not...because my psychologist doesn't believe on it at all.

i'll keep telling after, now got things to do.

Originally Posted by itsmeleyreagain

(can someone please tell me if not having memory loss is the definitive proof you don't have DID?

memory problems in general do not say you have or do not have DID...

a person who has no memory problems ....well I have yet to meet that person.

you see humans normally do not remember every single thing.. every human being even normal people have things they can not remember.....

they forgot where they put something
forgot to do their homework
locked their self out of their car because they forgot to take the keys with them
forgot to buy something at the store
forgot to do their chores
forgot how to do something at work
forgot to turn off the coffee maker
forgot to watch their dinner on the stove and burned their meal
forgot how much money they have in the bank and accidentally over drew their account
forgot to make their lunch for work
forgot to gas up the car
forgot to call a friend.....

the list goes on....human being do not have the type of brain that allows them to remember every single moment, every single plant, every single person, every single conversation, every single what ever...

even people with photographic memory have been documented as being able to remember one picture flawlessly and not remember other things.

its just not humanly possible to have a flawless memory and remember ever single thing, moment, second of a persons life.

the type of memory problems with DID is different then just remembering or not remembering..

the human brain functions differently when a person is dissociated. Which can be documented through MRI and other brain scans of people that get tested before, during and after a dissociative event.

when a person is dissociated they remember things differently even things they think they remember there are differences between what is reality and what their brain had to interpret differently because they were dissociated.

the best thing you can do for yourself if you think you have DID is contact your treatment providers and get tested. if you are here in america the tests include, mental and physical health evaluations.

[-jimi-]

According to the manuals you do need more than normal memory issues to be DID. If you never lose time, you can only have a partial diagnosis, strictly speaking. But also some people lose time without realizing I hear, so I guess it might happen. One of my friends switched, but it was just for 20 minutes so he could easily deny ever switching because he is sure he doesn't do that.

Also another friend who does not lose time got changed from DDNOS to DID and I have no idea how it even happened, because he does not lose time. He has very extreme alter states but they always remember each other.

So.. short answer, heck knows...

[montanan4ever]

Losing time is not one of the diagnostic points for the DID "label." Remember, when talking about diagnosis stuff, it's about labels, not about experiences. The memory problem criterion involves the forgetting of personal information too extreme to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness. You can do that without losing time.

The memory criterion is also only one of several criteria that must be met in order to get "labeled" with DID.

There is not necessarily any particular benefit to any particular diagnostic label. Some of the labels, such as borderline personality disorder, are something like a kiss of death when it comes to getting respectful and useful mental health care.

Itsreleyme (sp?), what do you think would change in your life if you--pardon my wording here--"succeeded" at getting the diagnosis of DID? There are not very many therapy interventions that are specifically for DID.

For me, it both helped and hurt to get a name for what ailed me. What really mattered the most was getting into a good therapeutic relationship and sticking with it over time. It sometimes helped to use a "DID framework" and "language" to explain what was going on in my head. But sometimes the label hurt, too. It got me labeled as demon possessed by church people. It got me labeled as a malingerer by medical people. There were other times when it was really hard.

There are no all encompassing labels for our ways of being. Generally it takes a lot of labels to even BEGIN to explain a person, and even then it's just a partial explanation. Every label comes with a lot of baggage.

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by montanan4ever

Losing time is not one of the diagnostic points for the DID "label." Remember, when talking about diagnosis stuff, it's about labels, not about experiences. The memory problem criterion involves the forgetting of personal information too extreme to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness. You can do that without losing time.

True. I apologize for my sloppy phrasing. Like you say, the forgetfulness aspect can look different. Still it must be present in some form or another.

Which makes my friend a bigger puzzle because he doesn't have that either.

Anyway, I can somehow understand a pursue for a diagnosis. None of mine really matter to me anymore, but they did at the time and I needed a name for things before I could move on. I'm not saying this is what the OP feels at all, but I still understand looking.

[montanan4ever]

Yeah, I understand looking, too. Sometimes having a "name for what ails you" is a great thing. It's surely a double-edged sword though :-/.

I didn't realize I had memory gaps until I got a LOT further along in treatment and began to see ways in which I filled in the gaps--and didn't realize that was what I did. For instance, I would insist that I remembered going grocery shopping, but what I really did was to look at the groceries in the cupboard or fridge and fill in all the details of the shopping trip from the clues I saw, such as the store logo on the paper bags. Nothing stuck out as being odd or out of place, so I had no reason to stop and wonder about anything.

BUT if I tried to place myself in the actual shopping process, then there was a blank. I could tell you where stuff was in the store, what had been on my list, etc.....but not from a position of knowing I had been there that day on that trip.

The same was true of huge chunks of my past. I could tell you a lot about how I grew up, but I eventually realized that I was only able to give much of that information because I lived in one place from birth to age 18 and was surrounded by....well, not "memory" cues, but more like "storytelling" cues. Much of my life was very cohesive, so the gaps were easy to fill with mostly real material....If that makes any sense.

[-jimi-]

I think that was an excellent explanation of your experiences.

[itsmeleyreagain]

I don't wanna be labeled. I just wanna be helped, and i want to make sure this is what i have. i want to make people see i have something. i don't wanna keep lying to myself, i wanna change my life. tell my parents, all that. i fear telling my family somehow...

Tomorrow I have to go again to the course i can't keep on going on. what would you do? tell my family i just can't go and spill all the beans on how i feel? believe me, when you tell people about your dissociative problems, they tell to not believe you and say you don't really look like it. but dissociative problems often go unnoticed...

[itsmeleyreagain]

What really mattered the most was getting into a good therapeutic relationship and sticking with it over time. It sometimes helped to use a "DID framework" and "language" to explain what was going on in my head.

This is what I feel I really want, if you understand. But I have also many fears. Running away from myself and my problems is something I have done so much in my life sometimes it's like a pleasure...

D.I.D is a very complex disorder. To be diagnosed properly you need to see a therapist who specialises in this area. If you truly are D.I.D your treatment will be long and complex. Good luck.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by itsmeleyreagain

What really mattered the most was getting into a good therapeutic relationship and sticking with it over time. It sometimes helped to use a "DID framework" and "language" to explain what was going on in my head.

This is what I feel I really want, if you understand. But I have also many fears. Running away from myself and my problems is something I have done so much in my life sometimes it's like a pleasure...

It took years for me to learn that I might be DID. At first it was a relief to know I wasn't losing my mind. It took time for me to settle in with the diagnosis. I was fine with it one time and upset with it the next. The important aspect of being diagnosed DID was having a jump off point for my therapy. And I have to say with a little medication and therapy I have begun to move forward. And that feels good.