[Down the rabbit hole]

I don't know if it's just me or if this has any explanation, if it's connected somehow... so I thought I'd ask you guys, if you have the slightest idea. I'm happy to hear all your thoughts on this.

So, I'd say that in our system, we're largely co-conscious - I'm in charge but from time to time I get the feeling of someone else "peeking through". Like when we're triggered. I'll give you an example that's pretty common for us.

Having someone fighting is a trigger for us. My mom and brother fights quite a lot these days, or at least they have done so, it's calming down, thankfully. Anyways. In the situations where we're actually doing something and I have to be there and be "normal" and can't just walk away (which means I stay in the triggering situation), there's this thing happening.

Lets say that mom and I are talking. She's upset. Angry, or not caring about anything (it feels like). At those times I feel like there's an alter (called R to make it easier) with me in the background, to handle it. I'd say that R is a protector but also a cognitive one. Instead of crying or being pretty emotional which I would normally be if something triggering happened, I'll feel pretty numb. Also, I feel like my facial expression is changing - looking in the mirror I know I wouldn't really recognize myself. And here it is - the breathing. All of sudden without realizing it, I've changed my breathing. From breathing normally (for me), I go to breath much slower, and "calmer". But it isn't any deep breaths - they're pretty small, although they're slow.

Then when the trigger is gone and things are okay, I start to feel like myself again, my breathing being normal and so on, as it was before I was triggered.

Is there anything that you can relate to? I hope I explained it good enough for you to understand, I haven't written it down like this before. I'd be very happy if you wrote down anything that comes to your mind, about anything really - it doesn't have to do with the breathing, although that's what I'm wondering about. Just hearing that you relate (if you do) to what I'm describing overall (the co-consciousness), would be great.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Down the rabbit hole

I don't know if it's just me or if this has any explanation, if it's connected somehow... so I thought I'd ask you guys, if you have the slightest idea. I'm happy to hear all your thoughts on this.

So, I'd say that in our system, we're largely co-conscious - I'm in charge but from time to time I get the feeling of someone else "peeking through". Like when we're triggered. I'll give you an example that's pretty common for us.

Having someone fighting is a trigger for us. My mom and brother fights quite a lot these days, or at least they have done so, it's calming down, thankfully. Anyways. In the situations where we're actually doing something and I have to be there and be "normal" and can't just walk away (which means I stay in the triggering situation), there's this thing happening.

Lets say that mom and I are talking. She's upset. Angry, or not caring about anything (it feels like). At those times I feel like there's an alter (called R to make it easier) with me in the background, to handle it. I'd say that R is a protector but also a cognitive one. Instead of crying or being pretty emotional which I would normally be if something triggering happened, I'll feel pretty numb. Also, I feel like my facial expression is changing - looking in the mirror I know I wouldn't really recognize myself. And here it is - the breathing. All of sudden without realizing it, I've changed my breathing. From breathing normally (for me), I go to breath much slower, and "calmer". But it isn't any deep breaths - they're pretty small, although they're slow.

Then when the trigger is gone and things are okay, I start to feel like myself again, my breathing being normal and so on, as it was before I was triggered.

Is there anything that you can relate to? I hope I explained it good enough for you to understand, I haven't written it down like this before. I'd be very happy if you wrote down anything that comes to your mind, about anything really - it doesn't have to do with the breathing, although that's what I'm wondering about. Just hearing that you relate (if you do) to what I'm describing overall (the co-consciousness), would be great.

yes its something I (and most likely any other human being mental disordered or not) can relate to....

its just human nature for our bodies to react to things that are going on in our lives...if we are hot our bodies sweat, if we are cold our bodies shiver to warm us up, if we are stressed/ triggered our bodies naturally change how we breath and react to those things that are stressing/triggering to us.

if you do a ggogle search on things like ....how does the human body react to stress, (or what ever other things a person goes through) you will find many scientific/documentary videos/papers on how the human body normally does react to how the person is feeling/thinking/doing things. those reactions can and do include things like how a persons breathing/heart rate/ ....changes under stress...some people well theres a popular saying ...you scared the ......out of me... comes from some people have trouble with not only their breathing but other bodily functions as well when they are under stress and triggering times...

my own reaction to stress and triggers is to gasp fast /deep breath/ hold it then sink into the furnishings..

[innocentjoy]

I notice differences in myself when others are around as well, and it's not just me. I will notice different feelings apart from my own, or different levels of the same feeling. One time we were all crying. I was at home alone, having a shower, and remember feeling the crying on so many different levels. Childish crying for the younger ones, and older crying for me and the adults. It was such a weird situation. To anyone else I might have just been crying, but to me it was like a choir singing one song, instead of a soloist, or something, if that makes sense.

I notice my body language changes when others get stronger in me, I will sometimes half take on their own body language, half mine. I think I notice my breathing more when one of them is trying to come out and take over, and I am fighting it. It's kind of like a panic attack almost, my breathing gets heavy and I start to shake with the effort of keeping control. This happened this week at my session with my t, which is weird for me becuase I've never felt the urge/need to switch in front of him before and he prefers to talk to anyone else through me to keep me communicating, etc. I was able to tell him which alter was coming out and he talked to her through me so that I didn't end up switching, but was still hunched in and emotional, which are 'her' body norms.

I don't know if you can relate to those. Just thought I'd let you know that I can understand the weirdness of not being you, at the same time as still being in charge. It's nice that R has slower breathing, to help you stay calm through those issues. And I know what you mean about if you saw yourself in a mirror you wouldn't recognize you. At least, I think I do I often feel like if I see myself when I'm either switched or half-in/half-out I look completely alien.

As a question of interest (feel free to ignore if you are uncomfortable): do you ever have alters take over and get so that you are the one 'peeking out'? I don't lose time when I switch, and for the most part I'm still 'there', but sometimes there have been situations where I will switch, and while I'm watching and listening, I dont' have my own thoughts, emotions or control over actions when they're out. It's the weirdest feeling. But because I don't lost time I can remember what happens when I switch back, I just know it wasn't 'me' doing all that, but a different part of me.
(sorry if that part was way off topic).
xo
IJ

[Down the rabbit hole]

Originally Posted by innocentjoy

I don't know if you can relate to those. Just thought I'd let you know that I can understand the weirdness of not being you, at the same time as still being in charge. It's nice that R has slower breathing, to help you stay calm through those issues. And I know what you mean about if you saw yourself in a mirror you wouldn't recognize you. At least, I think I do I often feel like if I see myself when I'm either switched or half-in/half-out I look completely alien.

I can relate to those, absolutely! Thanks for sharing!

Originally Posted by innocentjoy

As a question of interest (feel free to ignore if you are uncomfortable): do you ever have alters take over and get so that you are the one 'peeking out'? I don't lose time when I switch, and for the most part I'm still 'there', but sometimes there have been situations where I will switch, and while I'm watching and listening, I dont' have my own thoughts, emotions or control over actions when they're out. It's the weirdest feeling. But because I don't lost time I can remember what happens when I switch back, I just know it wasn't 'me' doing all that, but a different part of me.
(sorry if that part was way off topic).
xo
IJ

I haven't been the one 'peeking out', having another alter in control, but there has been times where I've been in control but with another alter at the same time, if that makes sense? Like, knowing that the thoughts and feelings aren't my own, and doing things I wouldn't do if it was just me in charge... so I've been very affected by other alters being fronting too, but it has never been that I've lost control completely (as far as I know).

Even though I haven't been having another alter in charge completely I can really relate to what you're describing, about 'the weirdest feeling'.

[Lexi232]

one of my little ones holds her breath when she takes a deep breath in, its not a "im going to hold my breath" kind of thing. it just happens. more when shes stressed and wants to hide. and like she wants to speak but cant-ish. like shes too scared to speak it...

also before last time anytime Jaime would do that, she would go back within, pushing someone else out to the surface.(i dont remember this, but she just said thats why she would do it too... and something about hiccups and when we slept and woke up a lot.. but not something i should share right now).

EDIT: i think the first time i realized a big impact of my actions or words to other people was when i reread a text to a friend that i sent telling her how i was doing. and one thing i said was that i was wishing to have one of those stuffed animals "to make hug me".
something with the same wording back when i couldnt remeber but it would be documented in hospitalizations admit papers where i said things like "to get better" or "to get out" and other things when asked questions about why i felt i was there and other things. a lot of the words that one of the little ones uses to speak to others outside of our internal system seem to start with "to get.." or "to make..." or short straight to the point kind of speaking.)

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[Down the rabbit hole]

Thank you Lexi for sharing.

Your avatar is really cute by the way!

[Lexi232]

thanks! your avatar is really cute too!

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