[Tremor]

I have been trying to find out more about DID, but it is hard for me to focus and comprehend what I am reading. It's all so confusing. I'm not dumb, but I need to learn about DID in a more simple format. Does anyone know of any good books that are very easy to understand?
I only know that I have DID because of my daughter. I had been sleepwalking for 8 years now, but finally realized from looking on the internet last year that I have DID and not sleepwalking = my alters come out when I sleep. I told my doctor and he confirmed that I do have DID.
I only know my alters from what my daughter has told me...other than that, I don't have any memory. I have one alter that is called "dumb personality" by my other alters that does appear when I'm awake. I never knew it was an alter before...I just thought those times were just crazier times in my life. I remember everything I do, but I do some risky things that are pretty dumb.
A few months ago, my daughter told me another alter appeared while I was awake, but I have no memory of it. That alter, named "AuntieMay", comes out a lot when I'm asleep. For this time that she came out though while I was awake, I had an argument with my landlord. The argument got heated, but I guess it got a lot more heated than I realized. My daughter said it was bad. One moment I was myself and then I was her and then minutes later I was back to myself. I guess I switched mid-sentence and was talking about two different things. "AuntieMay" is my most extreme alter and cannot be mistaken for me...although my daughter says during the night she tries to act like me, but she usually gives herself away by saying something I wouldn't say like "mudfish". "AuntieMay" is a big black woman who comes up with crazy stories, loves to eat, and is so stereotypical. I am actually a white woman!!!!! From what I can tell, part of me wishes I could be a strong woman (strong women I identify as being black). As a child, I didn't have friends and didn't have a good family, so Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima pancake syrups kind of became my "friends". "AuntieMay" seems to be a combination of the pancake syrup women, my middle name is May, and the family member I looked up to most was my aunt Susan.
Anyway, my memory and focus is getting increasingly worse, so I need simple explanations. Every day, at least once a day, my daughter tells me something I said or did, some movie we watched, some person, some event, etc that I have no memory of.
I really feel like I am losing myself, so any help would be greatly appreciated!!
Oh, and do most people with DID have alters who are their inner children who seem "stuck" at certain ages?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Tremor

I have been trying to find out more about DID, but it is hard for me to focus and comprehend what I am reading. It's all so confusing. I'm not dumb, but I need to learn about DID in a more simple format. Does anyone know of any good books that are very easy to understand?
I only know that I have DID because of my daughter. I had been sleepwalking for 8 years now, but finally realized from looking on the internet last year that I have DID and not sleepwalking = my alters come out when I sleep. I told my doctor and he confirmed that I do have DID.
I only know my alters from what my daughter has told me...other than that, I don't have any memory. I have one alter that is called "dumb personality" by my other alters that does appear when I'm awake. I never knew it was an alter before...I just thought those times were just crazier times in my life. I remember everything I do, but I do some risky things that are pretty dumb.
A few months ago, my daughter told me another alter appeared while I was awake, but I have no memory of it. That alter, named "AuntieMay", comes out a lot when I'm asleep. For this time that she came out though while I was awake, I had an argument with my landlord. The argument got heated, but I guess it got a lot more heated than I realized. My daughter said it was bad. One moment I was myself and then I was her and then minutes later I was back to myself. I guess I switched mid-sentence and was talking about two different things. "AuntieMay" is my most extreme alter and cannot be mistaken for me...although my daughter says during the night she tries to act like me, but she usually gives herself away by saying something I wouldn't say like "mudfish". "AuntieMay" is a big black woman who comes up with crazy stories, loves to eat, and is so stereotypical. I am actually a white woman!!!!! From what I can tell, part of me wishes I could be a strong woman (strong women I identify as being black). As a child, I didn't have friends and didn't have a good family, so Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima pancake syrups kind of became my "friends". "AuntieMay" seems to be a combination of the pancake syrup women, my middle name is May, and the family member I looked up to most was my aunt Susan.
Anyway, my memory and focus is getting increasingly worse, so I need simple explanations. Every day, at least once a day, my daughter tells me something I said or did, some movie we watched, some person, some event, etc that I have no memory of.
I really feel like I am losing myself, so any help would be greatly appreciated!!
Oh, and do most people with DID have alters who are their inner children who seem "stuck" at certain ages?

Originally Posted by Tremor

do most people with DID have alters who are their inner children who seem "stuck" at certain ages?

I dont know about where you are but here in NY there is a difference between ..inner children....and ...alters...

here inner children is more a feeling, not an alter..

example sometimes when I get overwhelmed with too much going on I....feel ....like I did when I was a 10 year old child lost in the mine shafts. cognitively I know Im not 10 years old feeling lost and alone but mentally I feel that way. this my therapist calls an inner child.

when I wasnt integrated my alters on the other hand were taking over control of the body when ever there was something that I could not handle on my own. they would take care of those things I could not do for myself. All of my alters had their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being, own way of being ...they each had their own ages, toys, likes,...you name it they had their own way of being. this is what my treatment providers called my alternate personalities.

the best place to start with learning about DID is from your own treatment providers (your medical doctor, your psychiatrist, your therapist) they can give you information based on what your own comprehension rate/levels are..

for information not based on your comprehension rate/level well at the top of many of the forums boards you will find a thread marked ...resources.... thats where everyone posts things like for instance books they have found helpful on many different problems/mental disorders/symptoms.

amazon.com also has some great reading materials about mental disorders. some of which you can click on the book icon and read an excerpt from the book to see if thats what you are looking for. sometimes if I dont have the money to purchase the book on amazon right then when I need it I write the book information down and take the information to the city library. they locate a copy of the book for me. this way I get to read the book and decide if its worth the money to purchase it.

[Claritytoo]

You mentioned a doctor but not a therapist. I think you need to have this conversation with a therapist. Someone who can help you to understand your diagnosis.

[Tremor]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

You mentioned a doctor but not a therapist. I think you need to have this conversation with a therapist. Someone who can help you to understand your diagnosis.

I have a therapist, but she does not know much about DID. I would have to travel pretty far to get a therapist who can help, but the therapists won't accept me because I live so far away.

[Neptune83]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago and firmly believe it to be incorrect. A therapist I had before the diagnosis thought it was DID and I think she is correct. I can say that I seem to have an "inner child" that appears to get stuck. One minute I'm ok, the next without warning I'm a teenager again. I have five kids and I look at them thinking who are you? I recall feelings of not knowing who these people are (my husband, my kids), feeling rage, sticking two fingers up at the world etc I become terrified that I am supposed to be a mother, I'm meant to be 30 years old and I think how am I supposed to look after you when I'm a kid myself. I don't recognise my face, it looks so much older and it's not me.
I will go blank, into my own world which has been something I've done for many many years. I can't explain it well because to myself now, that's all it is - blank. Then I'm back in the room again wondering what on earth has gone on. How much time has gone by? Who have I upset this time? My husband tells me things I've said but I can only recall intense anger.
That's the teen personality. There are a few other parts I've become aware of over the last couple of years. I don't see them as separate people, I see them as different parts of the same person, some I have been, some that have been created either from other people or by myself as a means to protect myself. There's only one that has a name as far as I am aware, I don't know where it came from or why.
I think you should speak to someone better trained to help you other than your GP. As far as I'm aware DID isn't treatable with meds, but therapy. I think you can treat certain symptoms, for example anxiety if that's one, with meds but there isn't a medication to treat it as a whole like perhaps you might treat depression with antidepressants.
Why not have a look at Mind's site.

[Tremor]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I dont know about where you are but here in NY there is a difference between ..inner children....and ...alters...

here inner children is more a feeling, not an alter..

example sometimes when I get overwhelmed with too much going on I....feel ....like I did when I was a 10 year old child lost in the mine shafts. cognitively I know Im not 10 years old feeling lost and alone but mentally I feel that way. this my therapist calls an inner child.

when I wasnt integrated my alters on the other hand were taking over control of the body when ever there was something that I could not handle on my own. they would take care of those things I could not do for myself. All of my alters had their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being, own way of being ...they each had their own ages, toys, likes,...you name it they had their own way of being. this is what my treatment providers called my alternate personalities.

the best place to start with learning about DID is from your own treatment providers (your medical doctor, your psychiatrist, your therapist) they can give you information based on what your own comprehension rate/levels are..

for information not based on your comprehension rate/level well at the top of many of the forums boards you will find a thread marked ...resources.... thats where everyone posts things like for instance books they have found helpful on many different problems/mental disorders/symptoms.

amazon.com also has some great reading materials about mental disorders. some of which you can click on the book icon and read an excerpt from the book to see if thats what you are looking for. sometimes if I dont have the money to purchase the book on amazon right then when I need it I write the book information down and take the information to the city library. they locate a copy of the book for me. this way I get to read the book and decide if its worth the money to purchase it.

Thank you for replying! I consider my inner children alters because of what my daughter has told me. They come out when I'm sleeping. My youngest inner child is about 3, doesn't usually talk much except to ask my daughter if she can watch a cartoon with her or have some chocolate or candy, and she calls herself Tremor. My other inner child is about 7, she calls herself Laura and calls me Lori, and she likes to act like a bratty little sister to my daughter. As far as my daughter has told me, none of my personalities like me. They don't trust me and they think I'm a big loser.
From what I have read about DID and inner children so far, I know I have to try to basically "parent" myself and try to heal the past wounds of my inner children. It sounds good, but I can't even take care of myself well. How am I supposed to deal with the problems I have going on in my adult life and deal with a lot of the past wounds that I don't even remember everything about?
I know a good therapist would be able to help me, but right now I can't move closer to a good therapist to get help. I'll take a look at the books mentioned on here though and do some more reading.

[Tremor]

Originally Posted by Neptune83

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago and firmly believe it to be incorrect. A therapist I had before the diagnosis thought it was DID and I think she is correct. I can say that I seem to have an "inner child" that appears to get stuck. One minute I'm ok, the next without warning I'm a teenager again. I have five kids and I look at them thinking who are you? I recall feelings of not knowing who these people are (my husband, my kids), feeling rage, sticking two fingers up at the world etc I become terrified that I am supposed to be a mother, I'm meant to be 30 years old and I think how am I supposed to look after you when I'm a kid myself. I don't recognise my face, it looks so much older and it's not me.
I will go blank, into my own world which has been something I've done for many many years. I can't explain it well because to myself now, that's all it is - blank. Then I'm back in the room again wondering what on earth has gone on. How much time has gone by? Who have I upset this time? My husband tells me things I've said but I can only recall intense anger.
That's the teen personality. There are a few other parts I've become aware of over the last couple of years. I don't see them as separate people, I see them as different parts of the same person, some I have been, some that have been created either from other people or by myself as a means to protect myself. There's only one that has a name as far as I am aware, I don't know where it came from or why.
I think you should speak to someone better trained to help you other than your GP. As far as I'm aware DID isn't treatable with meds, but therapy. I think you can treat certain symptoms, for example anxiety if that's one, with meds but there isn't a medication to treat it as a whole like perhaps you might treat depression with antidepressants.
Why not have a look at Mind's site.

Thank you for replying! Yes, I feel a lot like you do. I have two inner children = Tremor and Laura, one angry personality without a name but hasn't come out again since I learned I have DID (crossing my fingers it doesn't appear again), AuntieMay, and AuntieMay's created friend alter named Jim. Jim is supposed to be a gay Asian guy. My daughter said I would carry on conversations with her being AuntieMay and Jim - all at the same time. AuntieMay seems to be getting stronger...especially since she came out while I was awake. I guess Jim has disappeared and AuntieMay acts like he never existed. Ugh.
How is your therapist helping you? Do you try to parent your inner children and try to make them feel safe? I know I have problems trying to help myself - let alone my inner children. Like you, I have children, and at times it is hard to be nurturing like a parent when it's hard to nurture myself.
Have you figured out what helps?

[innocentjoy]

It can be really confusing trying to figure out what is best. It is helpful sometimes to think about the alters, especially the children, and try to figure out why they were created, and what they need most. It seems to me that if I was dealing with a new diagnosis and very scary, having a protective, strong figure take over would be helpful, as I would be feeling vulnerable and confused. In this case, it would make sense that she is getting stronger.

For me, I started with five children, ages 2, 3, 6, 9 and 12. The youngest three have merged together, so I am down to three. Charlotte, the 6 year old is who gets stuck the most with me. She comes out when I am feeling scared, vulnerable, overwhelmed and unsure/confused. Lately, this has been a lot, and so she has been more present than any of the others. This is difficult for me because not only do I start feeling scared, etc, but I then become a six year old again, who is adamant that she is not a grownup, never wants to be one, and doesn't want to have to make any adult decisions, including meals, household chores, and anything to do with work, travel, driving, talking to people, etc.
I have learned to help calm her down, to reassure her. More than anything she needs to know that she is safe, that no one is mad at her and that she is not in trouble. She is very sensitive.

With my 9 year old, she comes out when I'm angry and perceiving some kind of injustice. She uses words and insults to upset people to get them to leave our body alone. With her, she needs to be acknowledged for what she contributes to keeping us safe and protected. She likes to feel powerful and helpful, and most of all respected. I thank her for everything she does for us, and try to help her learn more effective ways to deal with bullies, and better ways of identifying a bully.

Two different children, two completely different needs. This is what I mean when trying to find out what purpose they serve to your system, and what issues they are having that cause them stress. After all, the children were created in a different time than you live in now and while their roles probably helped you greatly at the time, they will need some help to learn how to function effectively now that you are grown.

By best wishes for you with all of this!!
xoxo
IJ

[innocentjoy]

This site might help you look at the healing process from one therapist's perspective:
Sidran: Help for Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) and dissociation.

If you download the one titled can I look now, it has cartoons that go through the therapy process, which I found helpful.
The rest of the Sidran site also seems to be helpful. I will say that it seems to have a bias that integration is end result of therapy, just as a heads up. Some people struggle with the idea of integration, which is why I mention it. On the whole, from what I've seen they have pretty good information, but I haven't looked at even half the information.