[Markhor]

I'm not diagnosed with disassociative disorder, but I am diagnosed with depression. I have been getting odd symptoms of being stuck in "The Matrix" or my life is like a film. I noticed I shut down in public, and others see that. I get this surreal feelong i'm not really who I am and I do not actually perceive what's there like everything is an illusion or dream.

I feel like I'm stuck in this dream and I feel melancholy. I sometimes cry thinking my life is made up and my family are just a figment of my mind. Then I get really angry at myself for thinking that the universe revolves around me.

Then I start thinking if I'm just a part of a beings imagination. That I am just an experience to look subjectively upon this being that is singular, but is everything. I hope I don't sound insane, or dumb.

[volatile]

When I start thinking like that it usually means I'm way too bored or tired and need to just sleep. Don't get mad at yourself, you're just depressed. I deal with that too, kind of thinking like the whole world revolves around me but it's because I feel like everything is unreal, like I'm unreal so I try to make up paranoid conclusions to WHY. I can't even feel my body most of the time so i think everything is fake or that I'm a ghost and I'm dead. I have to have contact with other people a lot to ground myself and be reminded that I'm not dead or invisible and they aren't fake, at least they aren't suppose to be fake and I just think of it like that. Talking to other people really helps even when you're feeling really out of it. staying busy and productive can really help too.. maybe do some yard work, do more house chores, get a job or help a neighbor? You don't sound dumb or insane. I hope you feel better soon.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Markhor

I'm not diagnosed with disassociative disorder, but I am diagnosed with depression. I have been getting odd symptoms of being stuck in "The Matrix" or my life is like a film. I noticed I shut down in public, and others see that. I get this surreal feelong i'm not really who I am and I do not actually perceive what's there like everything is an illusion or dream.

I feel like I'm stuck in this dream and I feel melancholy. I sometimes cry thinking my life is made up and my family are just a figment of my mind. Then I get really angry at myself for thinking that the universe revolves around me.

Then I start thinking if I'm just a part of a beings imagination. That I am just an experience to look subjectively upon this being that is singular, but is everything. I hope I don't sound insane, or dumb.

welcome to psych central.

my treatment providers also do not call these symptoms like your in me ...feeling like Im stuck in my life, Shutting down in social / public situations, perceiving reality as an illusion /dream world , feeling melancholy, crying a lot, bursts of anger at myself or others... dissociation.

in me these same symptoms are called depression and psychosis, and bipolar disorder. in others I know this grouping of symptoms is called menopause, which happens to women who have reached an age bracket where this group of symptoms happens, or they have had reproductive surgeries like hysterectomy as birth control method or due to cancer.

my treatment providers have me on some meds that help keep my symptoms in control and when those symptoms get worse we do adjustments or changes in meds which gets me back on track.

I also visit the depression and bipolar boards. sometimes it helps.

[Claritytoo]

You don't sound like you're dumb or insane, We all have different experiences. Have you discussed this with you therapist?

[Markhor]

I have grown up being emotionally abused, and physical abuse. Also molested by my baby sitter. I also grew up poor and was picked on at school over it so I didn't make any friends. This is because I got constantly labelled, picked on by the teachers and staff. So my mother eventually took me out of school, and I became very isolated. In real life I can barely talk. I have experienced a lot of trauma with my parents addictions such as gambling, and being threaten that they'll start drinking again. Then my parent ran over my dog and got angry at me prior to that everyone in my home were fighting the dog snuck out. Theres so much hurt and fear in me that I can't shake.

[serenity2298]

i do this sometimes, it's scary and awful and so hard to 'snap' out of but try to look around you, it might sound lame but just look at your surroundings, a tree, a picture or something and focus on looking outward not inward. it's hard but it can sometimes help even for a few minutes. Hope it makes sense...

[Claritytoo]

I think it is important for you to be able to discuss your thoughts and experiences with a therapist. It could be a psychologist or a social worker. Someone who is trained in therapy. When I first went to therapy I found it difficult to talk about things that had happened in my past. My therapist allowed me to write to her and that helped me to open up. There are many ways of approaching therapy. If you don't have a therapist or counselor it might be a good time to start. You seem to be in the right frame of mind to work through your trauma. You are looking for answers and that is a start. Take care.