New here with a question

I'm not really sure if I would be considered DID, but my counselor has told me that I definitely dissociate. And last week I had a really bad day and was able to write down some feelings that surprised even me when I read them a couple days later. I remembered writing it, but it just seemed strange.

Whenever my feelings get too intense I space out or zone out and focus on something else. But sometimes I can even keep on carrying on the conversation but not really feel like I'm there, if that makes sense. I spend a lot of time especially in social situations trying to monitor what I'm saying and make sure I say the right thing.

I did experience abuse as a child. Mainly emotional abuse.

When I was writing I started having this sense that there is this reality that I'm living in and another one that's sort of in my head and I had this image of a deep dark chasm between me and this other part of me inside. I felt like I was trying to grab her hand and bring her over with me, so I could be "real" again and begin to feel all my feelings.

It was a very odd sensation and when I try to go back and think about it again it doesn't seem real. It seems like it was just maybe my imagination playing tricks on me.

I honestly don't think I've ever lost time, but I do have a very poor memory of details in conversations at times. If the person reminds me of what was said I can recall it but I don't remember it always on my own.

I'm just wondering if I'm maybe just trying to overanalyse my condition here.

I also have problems with obsessing and for example the night before counseling I'll be awake on and off all night "practicing" what I'm going to talk about the next day.

Does any of this sound familiar to you guys or is this something completely different?

Thanks and take care.

Welcome faith_tx!

I think you will find lots of people who have experienced similar issues, although everyone's experience is different.

Does this sound familiar?

** These survivors experience the flashbacks and intrusion of trauma memories, sometimes not until years after the childhood abuse, with dissociative experiences of distancing, "trancing out", feeling unreal, the ability to ignore pain, and feeling as if they were looking at the world through a fog.

There are different types of dissociative disorders, I have been dx'ed by a psychiatrist and psychotherapist with PTSD/DDNOS.

** Read more here...

It does not sound like DID to me, but I am not a Dr. or professional.

I think you'll find some info here... Spectrum

And more here... Click Here...

Hey thanks for the links. I'll check them out.

As for ignoring pain I went through childbirth with almost no pain until I had to "come to" to push. I just zoned out and the nurse was saying she'd never seen a more calm person in labor at a 10. I was having a conversation with her 20 minutes before delivery and I had no pain meds.

Hey it can come in handy at times!

I'll check out those links now and thanks again.

Welcome I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and my therapist and past testing puts me at the number 9 (therapist) and 10 (comprehensive Psychological testing with suplimental tests for DID) on the Dissociative scale which runs on a scale of 1 -10 and includes dissociative disorders such as - dissociation, depresonalization, dissociative fugue, dissociative amnesia and Dissociative Identity disorder and DDNOS (dissociative Disorders Not otherwise Specified which means the person has some symptoms of the disorders in the dissociative catagory but does not have all the criteria for each disorder to be able to make a 100% diagnosis of which one dissociative disorder the person has).

You can find my experiences with having DID, my therapy program for my DID and my research for having DID which has been a part of my therapy program in my blog -

Please remember these blog entries are - MY - experiences.

If yours is different that is ok just take what you can use to help yourself and pass on the rest.

There may be some triggering material and since I cannot possibly know each and every persons triggers I leave it up to the reader to be responsible for their own well being so please take care when reading my blog entries.

http://myself.psychcentral.net/2006/...ate-the-blogs/

Hey there, Faith,

Welcome. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Have you talked with your therapist about the possibility of DID or DDNOS?

Cyan

Welcome faith_tx. We're glad you're here and glad you have a counselor that can help you figure things out.

Everyone's experience is different because of their life experiences but there is one thing that so many here have in common. A need for support and a desire to support others. No matter what you are going through, know we care.

I wish you the best in your healing process.

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Cyan said:
Hey there, Faith,

Welcome. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Have you talked with your therapist about the possibility of DID or DDNOS?

Cyan

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We just started touching on this last week. I asked him about the dissociation but we haven't diagnosed anything yet. I guess I'd be more likely to be categorized as DDNOS than DID.

He doesn't seem to like to classify me. I also have a lot of obsessive thinking but he says it's not OCD.

He is M.Ed., L.P.C. not a psychiatrist or psychologist, so maybe he's not able to diagnose these. . .I'm not sure.

But it does help to hear your stories and look at myself to compare.

I think that I'm feeling my problems are a little less severe than I thought. Mainly because I realize now with DID that you lose time and all that.

I don't lose time, I just zone out and part of me stays connected and part is not paying attention. It does make it hard to recall details of conversations at times. I know it is still a problem that I have to work through.

I need to practice staying with my feelings when I'm tempted to check out.

Yesterday I was trying to get work done but I spent almost all day researching this and learning more about it. I tend to get drawn into the internet and researching at times.

Hi,
I think it's okay not to diagnose or classify. The dissociation spectrum is continual and any person can be on any speck of the line. So, while there might be two people who dissociate almost to the same degree, their point on the spectrum might be side by side with a line in between. It does not make one person's issues any less than the other person. Thankfully we are not playing a game of who has it and who doesn't or who has it worse. If that were the case, I'm passing on my next turn. I am on the DID side, but it doesn't mean my "stuff" is easier or harder than anyone on the lower side of dissocation.

Learning new coping ways to stay present while in distress is great. The more you can stay present, in the here and now, the better, in my opinion.

Keep talking to us, we care.

Thankfully we are not playing a game of who has it and who doesn't or who has it worse.

I agree with Petunia on this. We are all survivors and have been thru h*ll and back. We are all working on finding our way and getting healthy regardless of our DX.
Welcome and keep up the good work.
w_i

Welcome to PC..... Faith_Tx , I have DID and found a very good therapist last year... I have been therapy for years..but the other T's were not knowledgable about issues facing DID clients. We are here to support you...Lilith

Sorry I am so late but welcome to PC. I guess I have never really thought about who was "worse" or not and certainly think it has no relevance. I hope you and your t find your way to healing as there is not just one way.

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bipolar_bear said:
Sorry I am so late but welcome to PC. I guess I have never really thought about who was "worse" or not and certainly think it has no relevance. I hope you and your t find your way to healing as ther7e is not just one way.

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I totally agree with you. I'm sorry that came out that way. I certainly have a lot of issues to work out and hopefully I can do that this time. I've been through therapy before and I've been released as "better" but deep down I've still not been healed.

I can pretend I'm fine and keep from being diagnosed with the things I'm afraid of being labeled as, but now that I'm truly being honest with my counselor, we're finding that I have a lot more to deal with than I've been willing to admit in the past.

Take care. . .and talk soon. I love this site!