[lozza89]

Yesterday I called one of my helpline counsellors to talk and to begin with the call was going fine until she started to bring my T into the conversation.. I don't recall much else but I must have switched because after a while she told me that my voice and everything had changed and I wasn't sounding like 'me' anymore. She said that I had an unhealthy relationship with my T as we are in contact so often and she said that I just wanted my T to take me on her holiday with her so that I wouldn't be alone and so scared? I do not remember saying that at all It made me feel so stupid and uncomfortable her bringing this up and I felt so confused as to what was going on!

I think lizzie came out because I know she likes our T a lot and often wishes that she could be her mum. lizzie likes to talk to a lot of people and seems to always need someone there to either protect her or give her lots of reassurance that she is doing a good job (all of which our T is great at doing)

Hearing the counsellor say all this was hard and was so uncomfortable. We shut down completely and I don't think anyone was brave enough to come out then. I felt so distant and really small and scared. I am really really bad. Bad, bad, bad little girl and not allowed to talk or say anything, talking only gets us all into trouble

I don't know if we can call her again. Cady finds it hard to trust anyone and now she is thinking we cannot trust or talk to anyone at all and I am scared. We are scared.

was very naughty girl talking to that counsellor lady yesterday. very bad girl. she will hurt big and our T is away. ella very mad and she saw dr man and got tablets. we dont need tablets. they bad tastes yucky. elisa trying keep us safe but T is gone and big is tired. make big ok? wanna see T but she nots here. me dont like being alone. gets real scared. need cuddle kitty and foster kitty now. me like kittys. kittys purr loud and sleep on me. they nice warm. me real scared.

[Travelinglady]

lozza89, my opinion is that you all should not talk to that counsellor again. Is there anyone else you can talk to until your therapist comes back, so you can get support and see what this counsellor has to say? Do you know what kind of training these counsellors have? Are they actually professionals?

[lozza89]

It's Cady here. Loz isn't feeling so well they are professional counsellors and undergo a lot of training both before they are allowed to talk to young people on the phones and also they have to do ongoing training all the time. They have supervisors there and sometimes supervisors even listen into the calls and tell the counsellors what to do/ say/ suggest to the young person. We have been calling them since we were 14 years old but after we turn 26 in march we won't be able to. That counsellor lady was our 2nd counsellor there, our main one is on leave until the 8th oct she is nice and we have been talking to her for many years now but I don't know if I trust her yet. I find it hard to trust anyone but she is nice.

kids helpline

T says she will msg us every few days to 'check in' but she is on holidays and I feel bad her doing this. Ella wants to take the tablets but we are going out soon with one of Loz's friends so will be safe for today at least. I don't know what to do. it's all so scary and I want to send that counsellor an email telling her how Loz is feeling but is it ok if I do that? So far Loz talking to her has been ok but she needs to know that Loz doesnt always know when we come out and hearing we have sometimes scares her cuz she can't stop us and especially lizzie when T is mentioned.

I have to go now. Friend is here.

Cady

[lozza89]

We sent the below to the helpline so hopefully it is passed on to who we spoke to..



Hi,

I know that the counsellor we usually talk to (*) is on leave now until the 8th of October and that our emails usually get passed on to her but if you could please pass this onto * that would be great. We called her on Thursday 11th Sept and another part came out after our psych was brought up and there has been a lot of fighting, confusion and uncertainty that has come up between everyone from that call over who is safe for Lauren and us as a whole to talk to and confide in. I think it is also only fair that * is given an explanation over what happened as she seemed quite confused.

Hi *,

My name is Elisa and I am writing this on behalf of Lauren and the other parts. I guess the best way to describe who I am is by what our psych calls me, I am the protector of us all and it is my duty to keep Lauren and everyone else safe and alive. Lauren called you on Thursday and I know that Lauren trusts you a lot but Cady doesn’t, but then Cady finds it very hard to trust anyone. Cady says that Lauren and Lizzie trust people way too easily and so Cady is forever coming out trying to test people to see how much they care and if they can really be trusted. She stops people from hurting us all.

Lizzie is only 5 and she likes our psych a lot. Lizzie is who you ended up talking to. She is very shy but she does like talking to nice people. She comes out so fast and especially when our psych is mentioned. When you told Lauren of the changes you had observed Lizzie hid back inside and Lauren came back briefly, then Kaylee was forced to come out. Kaylee rarely talks because she is smart and knows we only get into trouble and get hurt when we speak. She is 5 also but a very smart little girl. She shuts down a lot. Lauren is still there when we come out but barely and she is very distant. Most of the time she doesn’t realise when one of us has come out and this scares her a lot. It scared her that it happened with you and she felt very stupid and uncomfortable. We don’t come out much in sessions but this time Lizzie couldn’t help herself after our psych was brought up, I apoligise. I do try to control the others but it does get hard and especially between Lizzie and Ella.

All of this DID stuff is really scaring Lauren but hopefully after our assessment and once the report is written up she will be feeling more at ease.

Cady doesn’t want Lauren to call you again but I see that her talking to you is very helpful. I will do my best to talk to everyone and explain that Lauren should be in charge of who is on our treatment team and who we talk and confide in as long as they are safe. I think over the time you have both been talking that you are safe for us to talk to so thank you.

Regards,
Elisa

[kala83]

I think you are doing the right thing in trying to talk to the concilors (all of you) and trying to explain it as best you and everyone else can.

being DID does not sound like an easy diagnosis to deal with at all. And I can under stand why all of you would have issues with it and why it would be difficult and scary. You should only work with people that you and all of you.

feel comfortable speaking too.

[lozza89]

spoke to that helpline counsellor yesterday and all it did was make everything a million times worse. she asked how I was, someone answered and then for the whole hour all she asked about was me and fostering cats. Was suicidal, was not feeling safe and she didn't give any of us a chance to stop her and say "really not coping right now and we need help!!!!!"

T is still away and Elisa was so desperate last night that we contacted another helpline (one I hate due to past bad experiences with them - but we were desperate so gave them a try) and we were left feeling even more helpless and like there was no hope for us at all even came out and told them we were suicidal and had plans and the means to do it!

It is Friday afternoon here and no idea how to cope and survive the weekend until see T on Tuesday at 11.30am.

No energy, motivation. All we can think about is ending things and sure T will be angry and disappointed at us but there seems to be no point to fighting anymore and we are so tired.

No idea what to do