sucks when you have no control over it

So for awhile now (about 4 years) ive had black outs, outbursts of things i wouldnt normally say or do, mindlessly talking to myself (sometimes i catch myself doing it and sometimes i dont) along with ill randomly awake in a place i dont recall ever being but somehow i know the way home. Its very frightening so i went to the doctor and after 3 months of evauation in a facility i was diagnosed DID "multiple personality". You could imagine how i felt but it got worse...my body rejected the medication due to allergies my father had (he died when i was 10 we were very very very close) so i have to instead do it the hard way and try to overcome it and break through no meds...in short its been my own personal form of hell. On top of that my emotions eventually numbed and began to become limited on what i could do (my family basically encourages me to isolate myself as im the black sheep and the object of everyones projection along with their old fashioned so they're ashamed of me despite me having a much higher IQ) so i sneak out at 1am through my window to look at the stars and try talking to my father (i know hes dead but at least if he IS up there he'll hear me).

Im a bit confused..

your father who has been dead since you were 10 is now in the present moment causing you to reject medications for DID?

do you mean you happen to be allergic to the same medications that your father was? like Im allergic to peanuts and my children happen to have the same allergy.

a bit of information there is no medication treatment for DID. treatment for DID is talking with a therapist, learning grounding (learning how to calm down, breath, relax when feeling dissociated.), hospitalization when the alters are being a danger to oneself or others (suicidal/homicidal, self injuring)

there is medication for things like depression, anxiety, PTSD, Schizophrenia, schizo affective disorder, bipolar disorder, delusions, hallucinations... that some people are dual diagnosed with besides having DID.

(I see by your profile you have schizo affective disorder and your posts mentions meds and private drug use)

given all this my suggestion is contact your treatment providers, they can help develop a treatment plan that can address any medication allergies or problems you may be having with your other diagnosis's and help you learn the grounding, and set up therapy sessions so that you and your alters can feel better soon.

hi tech
I just found out I have DID at the beginning of this year. I don't know that there really are meds to treat the disorder. I know when the voices were active in my head before, antipsychotics shut them up. but my alters thankfully don't take over and take me places. we are a very cooperative system. they will play games on this site and take over and post sometimes but we are coconsciousness more then separate. the key is having a therapist who really knows how to work with a DID patient. I got lucky. I even miss3ed my last t appt because she was attending a DID conference. weve met about five different alters. so see what you can do about finding the right treatment provider. it will take you far.

I agree with kaliope--I've been diagnosed with DID for about 4 years now, and there really aren't any meds to treat it. I mean, sometimes there are meds that can alleviate some of the symptoms somewhat--antidepressants for depression, benzos for anxiety, certain blood pressure meds for nightmares and anxiety--but there is no med to treat DID as a total package.

DID is based in trauma, so everything I've heard and read and experienced says that dealing with the trauma is the key to improving and healing. It's helpful to have a therapist to work with you on that, but it's not necessary. I don't have a therapist, and I've been getting some help out of working through a book called Coping With Trauma-Related Dissociation. I know there are other self-help books for DID out there too, and there are a lot for working with PTSD/trauma, which overlaps a lot with DID.

I've been struggling lately, and i hate not having control. I do have the benefit of a good therapist, but I'm just having some really hard times.
I hope you will get some relief, techytora

Have courage - it is a long uphill journey, but you're not alone. Like people have said, there's no DID med... I take some for other things like mood and sleep, but some alters forget we're on meds and don't take them, or some meds help one alter and not others. I know it can get confusing. I, too, am mostly co-conscious now, but the beginning was pretty rocky. With treatment and internal communication it gets better. Best to you!

techytora, I so wish there was a medication that help with DID but there isn't. I agree that is does suck when your hard wired brain goes on its merry way without your consent.

Despite having DID you aren't the black sheep. The reality is you are a sad sheep that in unable to feel it. Your family need a smack if they are ashamed of you. Have you ever asked them straight out what they think?. Maybe a professional could speak with one of them to make things clearer.

You deserve comfort not condemnation.