[CalmingOcean]

Faaaaaawk I am so frustrated with all this s*%t I just want to drift off to ocean world and never return!!

...and then I have to tell myself I have a son and a husband and dogs that need me but shiiiiiiiit, this being in your body and living in this world stuff is so freakin hard. And grounding, living in the moment, why is this all such a foreign language?? How do normal people get this? I want to be a normal people but I hate being in the world, I hate feeling my feelings, I MISS my addictions. Now all I have is dissociation but i need to get rid of that too!!

And my t abandoned me
I'm so sad ... And frustrated. And want to quit.

This sucks. It all sucks.

[persevere]

I am sorry that you are feeling this way but I am glad you are here and sharing your feelings.

What would you like to be doing if you could ?

[CalmingOcean]

Trotting through a field with wild deer...

But I'm in the stupid world at the stupid gym cuz I couldn't stop my stupid self from crying and I didn't want to upset my 2 yr old and my husband works out of town

[persevere]

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

Trotting through a field with wild deer...

But I'm in the stupid world at the stupid gym cuz I couldn't stop my stupid self from crying and I didn't want to upset my 2 yr old and my husband works out of town

It's hard to find time for yourself, if you are able to find a support group locally that might be a safe place to allow yourself to cry.

You mentioned water and wild deer, did you grow up in an environment where you got to experience nature a lot or do you just wish to experience it now?

[CalmingOcean]

I lived by the ocean for a while. I miss it.

[persevere]

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

I lived by the ocean for a while. I miss it.

I've never lived by the ocean and have only seen it 3 times in my life.

It's real pretty and I like the sounds of it.

[CalmingOcean]

Now I'm going to put my little guy to bed then go snowblow my driveway, we just got a huge dumping of snow

[persevere]

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

Now I'm going to put my little guy to bed then go snowblow my driveway, we just got a huge dumping of snow

Take care of yourself and if you need to vent come back

[CalmingOcean]

Thank you for your help. Now I'm going to take my night pill and hope today was just a bad dream.

[flockpride]

It is hard. Very hard. And this world can be totally incomprehensible. Hang in there. It sounds like you have people who love you and depend on you.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

Faaaaaawk I am so frustrated with all this s*%t I just want to drift off to ocean world and never return!!

...and then I have to tell myself I have a son and a husband and dogs that need me but shiiiiiiiit, this being in your body and living in this world stuff is so freakin hard. And grounding, living in the moment, why is this all such a foreign language?? How do normal people get this? I want to be a normal people but I hate being in the world, I hate feeling my feelings, I MISS my addictions. Now all I have is dissociation but i need to get rid of that too!!

And my t abandoned me
I'm so sad ... And frustrated. And want to quit.

This sucks. It all sucks.

One of my biggest difficulties is dealing with my feelings. I have an entire system to help me avoid dealing with my feelings and it has worked for years. Only now I am realizing that what is life without feeling it. The good and the bad. In-order for me to feel the good, the love, the joy, the happiness, I have to allow my self to feel. And that opens the door for me to feel the sad, the pain, the anger. I am in my 50's. I have a son and grandchildren, I don't want to live the rest of my life without feeling. No matter what it is. Right now in session I am trying to work on feeling. You will get through this. You will find peace in being able to feel. Be strong and work through this. There is a world of joy out in front of you and the pain and anger will be behind you. Take care.

[avlady]

I hope you're ok, we also were stuck in our house for a week because of the snowstorm, it made me depressed, we felt helpless but it showed us how to be strong because of good neighbors and good semaritains.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by flockpride

It is hard. Very hard. And this world can be totally incomprehensible. Hang in there. It sounds like you have people who love you and depend on you.

Thank you. I finally opened myself up to excepting their love... Embarrassing after being married for 3 years. Not saying everything is perfect but slowly I am 'getting it'.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

One of my biggest difficulties is dealing with my feelings. I have an entire system to help me avoid dealing with my feelings and it has worked for years. Only now I am realizing that what is life without feeling it. The good and the bad. In-order for me to feel the good, the love, the joy, the happiness, I have to allow my self to feel. And that opens the door for me to feel the sad, the pain, the anger. I am in my 50's. I have a son and grandchildren, I don't want to live the rest of my life without feeling. No matter what it is. Right now in session I am trying to work on feeling. You will get through this. You will find peace in being able to feel. Be strong and work through this. There is a world of joy out in front of you and the pain and anger will be behind you. Take care.

Thank you for this response. You are right, any feel good or bad is hard for me. I didn't realize it until my t pointed that out. Amazing how cut off we have made ourselves.. But what's more amazing is the feelings I have learned to fake. Reversing that is an agonizing thing. Learning to feel again, to interact, to have normal adult relationships, experiencing the world, the joys as you say, it's all so foreign. It is weird that we need to learn this. But your right, it must be worth it.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by avlady

I hope you're ok, we also were stuck in our house for a week because of the snowstorm, it made me depressed, we felt helpless but it showed us how to be strong because of good neighbors and good semaritains.

Oh my goodness, it wasn't so bad we were stranded in our house, almost stuck in the driveway though. I'm glad you made it through and was able to stay strong. I am not good at being on my own either. I try to tap I to the parts of me that are scared and find out why, assure that I can take care of us. My husband works out of town and some days are very sad

[cool09]

I have to allow my self to feel.

But what's more amazing is the feelings I have learned to fake.

You must have a good husband. I think most people can't stand being around someone with a problem so you must connect with him well.

Getting thru the modern world is a constant task of showing your true feelings then hiding them and it's like an art. Some people are really good at it and others aren't. In some places (ie. workplace) you really are not allowed to show certain feelings and then you have to bring them back out in your personal life. It's draining and difficult to do this around the clock.

How and why did your therapist abandon you (if you feel inclined to say so)? I've never really heard of that happening. I know Doctors know how to cover themselves well and if they've had enough of something or want to avoid something for some reason they're good at expressing it.

Alan Watts (1915-1973; Professor, Eastern Philosopher, Lecturer) made a number of great lectures. He covers all sorts of subjects in the modern world. He talks about persona and the true self and what he calls "The game of hide and seek" with ones self where the true self emerges then disappears (due to any number of things: expectations, taboos, myths, religion, social standards, etc.) He was very good and was an eloquent speaker. He is dead serious with his explanations, detail and insight and he defines what reality is in the modern world. (Most of his lectures are on youtube: Game of Hide and Seek - Alan Watts, What is reality - Alan Watts ) youtube: com./watch?v=um6SX3ZgJRs, youtube: com/watch?v=v90O2aeW4KA

I've spent a lot of time at South Jersey shore (Ocean City NJ - dry, family town). There is no other feeling like it. There's nothing like being surrounded by nature.

There's nothing like going to a concert to allow yourself to feel. I went to several concerts in October (Judas Priest x2, Robin Trower) and it was fantastic to experience all of that emotion and energy. I felt refreshed afterwards.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by CalmingOcean

Faaaaaawk I am so frustrated with all this s*%t I just want to drift off to ocean world and never return!!

...and then I have to tell myself I have a son and a husband and dogs that need me but shiiiiiiiit, this being in your body and living in this world stuff is so freakin hard. And grounding, living in the moment, why is this all such a foreign language?? How do normal people get this? I want to be a normal people but I hate being in the world, I hate feeling my feelings, I MISS my addictions. Now all I have is dissociation but i need to get rid of that too!!

And my t abandoned me
I'm so sad ... And frustrated. And want to quit.

This sucks. It all sucks.

I am right there with you!

Your T abandoned you? I'm so sorry! Have you started looking for a new T yet?

Pre