[kaliope]

so i think i hallucinated last night. i was distracted by something when i went to get in my car and when i looked back my car was rolling backward out of the parking spot. totally freaked me out. after i shook my head, my car was right where it was supposed to be. today i was reading a text on my phone and as i read each line it illuminated standing out from the rest. i wonder what is going on.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by kaliope

so i think i hallucinated last night. i was distracted by something when i went to get in my car and when i looked back my car was rolling backward out of the parking spot. totally freaked me out. after i shook my head, my car was right where it was supposed to be. today i was reading a text on my phone and as i read each line it illuminated standing out from the rest. i wonder what is going on.

Could it be from your medication.

[Gr3tta]

Im making improvements in other areas, but my relapse in anorexia has stymied some of my progress. I think i have parts making sure i stay sick no matter what.

[kaliope]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Could it be from your medication.

i narrowed down last night that i have taken several doses of trazadone this week which is a new med for me. i was worried about taking it since it is an antidepressant and zoloft caused a mania with hallucinations. pdoc said the dose was too low to do that but i am supersensitive to meds. i talked to the oncall pdoc and he agreed at first but then found out i was on wellbutrin and blamed it, or a combo of the two. he told me to stop the wellbutrin but i have been on it eight months so i really dont think that is the cause. the trazadone is the only new thing i have been taking so i am betting that is it.

[ladisputelover]

Have my hopefully? last IOP appt today (it's only the last one if my php ends up working out, which I hope it does). I'm sitting outside and for some reason I'm super anxious; idk why when I've been coming here for a month now :/ ugh whatever

Got to do some work today, grateful for. I just want to declare my MI is all in my head and none of it is real. I'm faking! I don't need meds I don't need a shrink. At least thats what my head says.

[TheFuZZieONE]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Got to do some work today, grateful for. I just want to declare my MI is all in my head and none of it is real. I'm faking! I don't need meds I don't need a shrink. At least thats what my head says.

Alwayschanging2,

I sometimes feel like that as well. Like the thought that I actually have DID is rediculous. Who has alters that take over their body and leave them unaware of what they said of did? That's just crazy talk! But then why do I have all these memories of things I said and did that are SO unlike me? Are these memories even real? Seems like I was in a dream or something. Unfortunately, there is no other explanation that I can come up with. And so far none of the therapists or psychologists could come up with another explanation either. So unless someone can find another mental illness where the body and mind become taken over by other people, I guess I'm screwed!

[kaliope]

i am worried my t is mad at me because my littles told her they didnt like the way she did therapy.

Originally Posted by kaliope

i am worried my t is mad at me because my littles told her they didnt like the way she did therapy.

Oh K, don't worry, shes a big girl and hopefully a professional. If she worth her salt, that should make her more determined to help.

Omg, we drank a few beers and did some amphetamines. Please forgive me if we go a little crazy tonight.

[kaliope]

haha.......i was thinking how i wanted to do some meth but i would have no idea where even to get my hands on some....lol..........its probably been 15 plus years since ive touched the stuff........

I've been doing a lot of reading on alters and how they relate. So on the way to work today, I was thinking of my family then Trebor- Musician/Guitarist fussed and fumed how a no name threw his guitar and amps away. Every now and then I get into a mixed state and Brooder gets fed up with everything, then a fragment of his starts throwing our stuff out with the garbage. Sometimes things just flat out disappear.

[Willowtrees]

Such a hard day. Crying all day. Trying to quit smoking. Anxiety medication i was given doesnt work and the hospital follow up i was promised apparently doesnt exist. My discharge paper says follow up with them in one week , which is today, but no. I was talked down to when i called, they just kept saying how i need to see my primary care doctor, i cant see them. But that appointment with my doctor is two weeks from now. I will have to go into a walk in clinic. I doubt they will give me any medicine. So I already hate these people. Im having panic attacks every day. Up to 4 times a day. The medication isnt working and i cant function.

Willow

[Willowtrees]

Plus im.almost out of the medication and i dont know if theres withdrawal and its really unfair they g8ve me this medicine and then refuse to see me again

[Gr3tta]

That is unfair willow!!

Now that shes fished out the cohost my therapist gets me much better. I wasted my last session redirecting things though. Im good at that.

Totally getting frustrated with it all. The personality switching, the lack of control, the denial of singularity...Yada yada yada

[kaliope]

finally got to see t today. was worried she was mad at me cause the littles told her they didnt like the way she was doing her job and then she double booked my next appointment and we took that as a sign that she was mad and subconsciously didnt want to see us anymore. she felt very bad that we interpreted it that way. so happy we are back on track.

I feel good today. Last night got a little weird with the Denial alter. But it's been a great day. We all had fun today. Beautiful day.

[Gr3tta]

Successfully brought out new part today. Sad, but good.

[possum220]

Different day..... Same issues. Too tired to talk about it. Just skulking around PC.

I got to totally take over the body! The previous host was having a breakdown, so I stepped in, and for the first time ever, he gave up conscious control. I'm just besides myself. I can even talk. Loving it.

[Gr3tta]

Today is challenging.

[kaliope]

i wish i knew who was so scared, guilty that is possessing my mind. i want it to quiet down.

[TheFuZZieONE]

My angry alter has been taking over lately, and I'm afraid of what I might do in a fit of blind rage. For once in my life it seems my anger is focused outward rather than inward, and that's mostly because I feel the stalking has become a threat to my 6 year old son. My anger is scaring me. I feel like a dog backed into a corner. I don't know what makes these people think they can mess with a crazy b**** and there not be any reprocussions.

We have never really been able to come front, but I'm being let to. The lead alter is such a strong alter, and a little/lot a control nut and a worry wart of what everyone else will think. . It's finally trying to relax and open the door for us. It feels so gooood to really feel! It's always watching everything we do and directing us where we need to go. Luv it!