[kaliope]

my t wants me to get to know "the mes" does anybody know any good books that explains alters and the roles they play?

Originally Posted by kaliope

my t wants me to get to know "the mes" does anybody know any good books that explains alters and the roles they play?

Google alters types. I found a bunch of valid examples.

[possum220]

Not me today. No name.

[likewater]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I'm tried to get things done, but it took all day to do so little.

I started using my iron skillet and been searing pork steaks! My kid loves my cooking the best. I've got heightened senses because of the bipolar so I better be a good cook. Weird thing is I'm a "natural" good cook. Of course we have a cook in here.

I read that is really good that you actually get some of the iron in your food from the cast iron pans. Thanks for reminding me to use mine.

[likewater]

Originally Posted by StillIRise

Thank you! I'm trying to drink enough, can't always be bothered but thanks for the reminder.

I'm sorry you're feeling badly. Still, you making me think of that Alinis Moriset song where she keeps contradicting herself. I think the name of it is, "hand in my pocket." My friend used to make fun of it and sing," I'm sad but I'm happy. I'm short but I'm really tall. It's night but it's morning, baaaby. And what it all comes down to, is everything's gonna be fine, fine , fine. Cuz I got one hand in my pocket and . . ." Hoping that will cheer you up.

[likewater]

Originally Posted by Bug17

Depressed and lonely today. Slept a lot. I have a cold so that's not helping. Too tired to go get a decongestant and cough suppressant. Tried to call a crisis line and turned out it was for 30 and under. Called another one and person was friendly but not helpful. I haven't wanted to call one of those lines in years....now I know why. I don't have any support. Maybe I do, I don't really know what that means. Is there an article about it? How do I explain to someone what being a support person entails? If I don't know.....how would they?

That's a little , by little I mean a lot, ageist. Why have a crisis line just for people under 30? So all the poor people that call them in crisis are given the message they are too old to be supported? That has to be one of the most terrible things I've ever heard. They are lucky some of my alters didn't call them bc we would have given them a verbal educatio

We're doing okay today. We're all getting along. I got to clean up the desk, get some bookkeeping done, and get ready for a bunch of phone calls, I hope!

[kaliope]

found what looked to be some promising books today that i wanted to download when i got home but then i got a fraud warning on my credit card and it had to be cancelled. bummer.......someone in the uk tried spending 10 dollars at a video store. how did someone an ocean away get my credit card number. its in a safety deposit box.

[likewater]

I'm getting an iron transfusion today. It takes 6 hrs. I was really happy then found out it usually takes 2 weeks to feel better. Wow. 2 weeks. I'm hoping ill feel better sooner.

We changed host personality today. I'm just back for awhile. We got so much done! That I'm proud of us.

[kaliope]

i found some interesting books on dealing with alters. the one i am reading has projects to get to know your alters and creating a safe place for them. i have got all kinds of supplies to create a journal book for them to get to know them, their stories and their roles. we are very excited aobut his.

Originally Posted by kaliope

i found some interesting books on dealing with alters. the one i am reading has projects to get to know your alters and creating a safe place for them. i have got all kinds of supplies to create a journal book for them to get to know them, their stories and their roles. we are very excited aobut his.

Can you forward the info? Really interested!

[kaliope]

its called.......got parts? an insiders guide to managing life sucessfully with DID(new horizon in therapy)

just thinking about what i do i discovered a new part that has never come out before because she has been always out. we have been sharing all my life. she came out to handle my shattered life when i started school and plays the happy functional life is a breeze person. she is the one that makes me seem i am the bright intelligent person i am today. no wonder i always felt like a fraud, like there was two mes, the inside me and the outside me.

I've been losing myself, but who am I to begin with? I've been a little of everyone, more one than some. But a central? My core is emotionaless, feelingless, empty...is that me? Cold, automatic, heartless? My personalities fill in the blank spaces. Without them I think I'm a robot. Does that makes sense? Or am I in the wrong world. I'm now somebody but nobody. I'm the person that is stone cold not giving a crap. I'm numb, I don't care. I can take care of the "nasty" business. Everything else is censored.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by kaliope

its called.......got parts? an insiders guide to managing life sucessfully with DID(new horizon in therapy)

just thinking about what i do i discovered a new part that has never come out before because she has been always out. we have been sharing all my life. she came out to handle my shattered life when i started school and plays the happy functional life is a breeze person. she is the one that makes me seem i am the bright intelligent person i am today. no wonder i always felt like a fraud, like there was two mes, the inside me and the outside me.

You are not a fraud. These parts are aspects of who we are. A real part of you is that happy bright intelligent person. What makes parts standout as good or bad is their singularity. They are one aspect of us, where people without DID have a blended personality, so they are not extreme in either direction. So for me when I am angry and want to injure someone, that is a real part of me. It is born of pain and trauma and see only one way of dealing with something. I have other parts that will talk to the angry part and explain how we don't want to be locked up for his acting out. And that his acting in some situations is extreme and single minded. As long as we don't go past the point he usually will slow down and try to work with us. But if he and we were integrated his reaction wouldn't be singular thought. We would have a blended of emotion, a blended of right and wrong that would balance our behavior automatically. So the angry part of me is a real part of me, the child like part of me is a real part of who I am. We are all intelligent and that seems to be the greatest link to all my parts. It is the one thing we all agree on. Sometimes I have felt envy. I was shocked at first. I didn't know that emotion existed. but it does. Since starting therapy I have learned that most of my emotions are compartmentalized separate from my memories. I also realize that we are all here to help but that as we go forward we need to take an objective look at behavior that is good for all and behavior that excludes others than work on a unified approach to living. I ask myself what I want. I want peace of mind, compassion, love, strength, for all of us. Maybe we will integrate and maybe not. But I think if we can all agree on where we want to to we will find what we are all looking for. Just remember you are bright and intelligent and that other parts, even if you may not like what they say and do, are part of you. Embrace them all get to know them all, set limits that all can agree to and move forward. The fact that you have found this new part and that this new part may communicate with some or all parts is good, and healthy.

[Claritytoo]

Sorry that was so long a response. It didn't look that long while I was writing it.

I'm considering ditching my present pdoc and going back to the clinic I was in. At least there I was able to hook up with a therapist. They also charge on a sliding scale and I got free meds. As of now, I can't afford another doctor visit let alone more pills. I can be the next pet project of some aspiring to be super psychologist. I can be the subject of some paper. I don't care.

[kaliope]

i lied about my income and went to the free clinic for years cause there was no way i could afford my meds or mental health care. then obama care came around and they would have expected me to qualify for medicaid so now i have to pay. i pay more for my mental health a month than i do for my apartment. it cost me nearly 10k last year. but i do have to say the quality of service is SO much better. i guess if i want to get well, i have to pay for it.

Originally Posted by kaliope

i lied about my income and went to the free clinic for years cause there was no way i could afford my meds or mental health care. then obama care came around and they would have expected me to qualify for medicaid so now i have to pay. i pay more for my mental health a month than i do for my apartment. it cost me nearly 10k last year. but i do have to say the quality of service is SO much better. i guess if i want to get well, i have to pay for it.

I live in a state that rejected the obamacare poverty level which automatically makes me have to pay out. I was paying on a sliding scale which meant free and my meds were free because they did the drug programs. Now I'm wondering how I'm going to pay for the next few months. I hate my present pdoc. I was thinking of going back.

[Claritytoo]

For the last two days I have been extremely depressed. Very very depressed. I don't know why. It's not good. I wanted to drink to day but I didn't because alcohol is a depressant and I don't want to feel worse. I am taking my medication. I felt good for a minute but than it came over me again. Like a silent cloud. It is suffocating. I have work tomorrow maybe that will help, but it didn't help yesterday. I was so depressed at work even my boss noticed. It's not good. I am not a danger to myself. I just feel like I need to stay perfectly still and everything around me needs to be perfectly quite.

[darkpurplesecrets]

I too am feeling very very depressed. I wish I wasn't born. I wish I could just disappear. I feel I am too much for the world out a long those around me. I feel so alone though I am not. But I cannot seem to explain it.

It is hard to understand those that say they love you and care, when that was all you ever wanted, but when that was never part of your life and you always were on guard and afraid. How do you really trust what you have never understood, had, or known before? We all want to know.

Seems we make mistake after mistake, and it often feels easy to blame someone who always knew it was their fault anyway, how would we know any different? Maybe I am just a mistake like they always said.

I feel I am floating today, I just cannot seem to connect or feel safe. I know another anniversary is around the corner. If only others really could understand what it meant and what it was.

I feel far away. Maybe it is best that way.

Awww C2 and DPS...((((((((((Hugs)))))))))).

[kaliope]

i went to a trauma training today and everybody was ok.........we didnt get freaked out at all........and we learned a whole bunch of new tools to ground ourselves............

I thought about going straight back into denial but they are like "who are you to decide?", but the cat and all its sister and brothers are out of the bag, and they made it clear they aren't going back. Which means our future is going to be pretty damn interesting. Well keep you posted.

[darkpurplesecrets]

Why try at all? Sometimes it feels it is no use. I often wonder if anyone had to walk a mile in my shoes, live through what I lived through and struggle with daily would they?

The words you didn't do this to yourself or cause what happened seem often contradictory. Maybe those words are true, but the only one trying so hard to fix this broken self is me. For I am the only one that can but how does one do that when life was broken from the start? The only one responsible for those within's actions is me, even though I don't know what often takes place, somewhere it is all me, known or not.

And I wonder if I am worthy of fixing, because I am too broken and too much for anyone to keep walking, caring, or even trying. And I am really sorry for that, because I don't mean to be or try to be. I am just broken, missing too many pieces; pieces that never seemed to even exist but pieces that should have been important.

I didn't ask to get broked......and I'm sorry..........

With all I have, I am really sorry........