[Vixee1985]

Hi all, I am new to this and new to knowing I have Multiple personality disorder. I have been struggling for 17 years with mental health problems properly but looking back now, I have been suffering for another 5 years roughly on top of that. 29 now so thats most of my life. I have been unable to keep many friends. At the moment I have 1 friend that has been with me for around 14 years but I feel she is as crazy as me sometimes so it helps. And she has been through hell in her life like myself so I can actually listen to her and confide in her to an extent. However with other people, I feel they dont understand the difficulties I have been through and the personalities I have developed to survive these events. Friends in past lable me as crazy or a drama queen and always trying to tell me how I should be feeling and that I am silly or over react and so I find it hard to open up to them and tell them why I am the way I am because they have already made their judgement and once they make their judgement I cannot trust them enough to open up. I have an older self, a young self, from before my childhood event, an angry protective side that goes out all guns blazing and will do anything to survive, a miserable depressed doubtful side, an over happy and enthusiastic crafty side and then me, the one who owns up to it all, I might be able to break my personalities down more but these are the ones that I notice and possibly a few walk hand in hand with others and may be seperate other times, I am just not sure. I am still waiting for therapy after my recent diagnosis. I am very forgetful which gets frustrating for the boyfriend. He has to deal with these other sides of me acting out even when he has done nothing and I cannot always stay in control of which side of me is going to come out. my doubtful side and my protective side are the most dominant around him and I dont want them to be. I want to enjoy my relationship but these keep getting in the way. I find it so hard to make friends because of everything and am hoping I can find people here who will understand and perhaps accept me as a member of the gang in this community. I just want to find somewhere where I can talk to people freely and without judgement for my crazy thoughts and actions in life.

[healingme4me]

I believe you've reached out to a group of those that withhold judgement.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[Ocean5]

No judgement here. Trust me. Can relate. Feel free to speak what you need to say here.

I can relate - unable to keep friends...even those that try hard to be my friend. In recent years I've cancel dinner with a friend and never called him back... Years ago he considered me his kinda therapist, and was so grateful I was there for him,.... yet I couldn't even call him back.... I couldn't explain why I had to cancel except that I was "messed up"

But it's hard to have people in my life (even thought I want them) and hard to remember things. Fewer people in my life...less I have to remember, or think about.

I don't want to explain, be asked questions about my past, and surely not about my family.

[avlady]

i don't think people here judge much. we all have our mental issues and some of us need to be treated with kid gloves because, for me, we analize everything and take each other seriously.you will make loads of friends here, we all can relate to some degree. feel free to post your thoughts and i'm sure others will be more than happy to post back if they relate.

Hi Vixee, welcome to PC and here. No judgements! All we want to do is help, get help, communicate, support, be friends. I hope you hang around hun!

[ladisputelover]

Hello, I hope you've found the support you were looking for.
I don't suffer from the same thing but I do understand the fear and social isolation so I'm here if you need to talk.
Hope all is well!
Take care

[TheFuZZieONE]

Originally Posted by Vixee1985

Hi all, I am new to this and new to knowing I have Multiple personality disorder. I have been struggling for 17 years with mental health problems properly but looking back now, I have been suffering for another 5 years roughly on top of that. 29 now so thats most of my life. I have been unable to keep many friends. At the moment I have 1 friend that has been with me for around 14 years but I feel she is as crazy as me sometimes so it helps. And she has been through hell in her life like myself so I can actually listen to her and confide in her to an extent. However with other people, I feel they dont understand the difficulties I have been through and the personalities I have developed to survive these events. Friends in past lable me as crazy or a drama queen and always trying to tell me how I should be feeling and that I am silly or over react and so I find it hard to open up to them and tell them why I am the way I am because they have already made their judgement and once they make their judgement I cannot trust them enough to open up. I have an older self, a young self, from before my childhood event, an angry protective side that goes out all guns blazing and will do anything to survive, a miserable depressed doubtful side, an over happy and enthusiastic crafty side and then me, the one who owns up to it all, I might be able to break my personalities down more but these are the ones that I notice and possibly a few walk hand in hand with others and may be seperate other times, I am just not sure. I am still waiting for therapy after my recent diagnosis. I am very forgetful which gets frustrating for the boyfriend. He has to deal with these other sides of me acting out even when he has done nothing and I cannot always stay in control of which side of me is going to come out. my doubtful side and my protective side are the most dominant around him and I dont want them to be. I want to enjoy my relationship but these keep getting in the way. I find it so hard to make friends because of everything and am hoping I can find people here who will understand and perhaps accept me as a member of the gang in this community. I just want to find somewhere where I can talk to people freely and without judgement ifor my crazy thoughts and actions in life.

Vixee1985,

Your story sounds just like mine!! So much its uncanny. I have a little voice telling me you're not even real. You must be one of my alters talking. Lol. Or maybe my alter conned you into creating a fake account and pretending to be just like me. Anyway, you're probably real, and I want you to feel welcomed here. If you ever want to talk in a private message, I'm here for you. Just like you I have very few friends, and the "friends" I do have are men just trying to get into my pants. I like to pretend they are my friends, but deep inside I know they just wanna bang me. It seems like my life is just one trauma after another when all I wanna do is relax and have fun!

You're welcomed here!!

Sincerely,

Jen

[Vixee1985]

Thank you all for the kind words and making me feel very welcome. I am sorry it has taken me a while to get back on. Technology was not on my side and things kept crashing and I had to walk away lol.
Its nice after all this time to see people who dont shun mental health or question why i do what i do or why i do it a certain way. My dad had parkinsons along with alzheimers/dementiaand used to fall over a lot in public and droll on himself and slur his words and people just walked by judging calling him a drunk or a druggie or he would get up and do strange things that made sense to him and people always judging him and giving him into trouble. he took out an 800 pound loan, went out on a night out and came home in an ambulance with a police escort, no trousers and 100 pound left in his shirt pocket. I just laughed, he was ill and that is an epic thing to do. More fool the people giving a vulnerable man a loan, but noone else did and some members of my family even disowned my dad which made me clamp up and do everything I could to be normal. My family quickly intervened and had him put into care against his will where he died within months because his heart weakened dramatically and it all made me very scared to show people how very bad I had become over the years. Basically I have had to accept to myself that I could be locked up by being honest about how bad my mind can be, in seeking help from doctors etc. I just hope we can continue things the way they are going with promotion of mental health and i hope it will bring more like me out of hiding and maybe help us find happier freeer lives.
Ocean5 i cant seem to bring myself to phone people, even if i know they want to speak to me. I just feel like its always questions on the phone and no face to read what is intended As a question can feel judgemental. One person i can sit on the phone to properly but still dont like having to phone her.
haha no i am definately a real profile jen, i dont even think my alters have fully develloped into proper individuals yet. I dont even have names for them. I just know how I feel at certain times and it feels like multiple ppl in same body.
thank you all for the introductory stories back etc. might have came across as abig drama queen With my big speech lol.
Ladisputelover, the causes may be different but the path can still be similar or the same. Sometimes differences can help us see where improvement can be made
avlady you will regret that when my childish side is on here talking about pokepokemon and disney cartoons etc
healingme4me thank you, you guys seem lovely already.
always changing, i think i will be hanging around im not the most punctual these days though guys so do excuse the laziness.