[mindfullymindless]

So, I don't know that I have as dissociative disorder, but I got a scary high score for it on my sanity score and after reading some of these posts, I realize that a lot of y'all have the same kind of things happening to you as me. For instance, when I look at a mirror I don't see me, I see some... monster. A strange, alien man which could not possibly be me. I chocked this up to my psychosis but now I'm not so sure. Another thing is this feeling that nothing is real. Like were all just Sims being played by some cosmic gamer. Other times I feel like this body isn't really mine, more like its my prison and I'm trapped inside this hollow shell looking out at the world. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, maybe that's true and I'm realizing that this body is my home for now. Also, what are these grounding techniques I've been reading about? How do they work? And would they work for things like this?PC is my only source for help right now since I have no insurance so any advice is welcomed with open arms.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by mindfullymindless

So, I don't know that I have as dissociative disorder, but I got a scary high score for it on my sanity score and after reading some of these posts, I realize that a lot of y'all have the same kind of things happening to you as me. For instance, when I look at a mirror I don't see me, I see some... monster. A strange, alien man which could not possibly be me. I chocked this up to my psychosis but now I'm not so sure. Another thing is this feeling that nothing is real. Like were all just Sims being played by some cosmic gamer. Other times I feel like this body isn't really mine, more like its my prison and I'm trapped inside this hollow shell looking out at the world. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, maybe that's true and I'm realizing that this body is my home for now. Also, what are these grounding techniques I've been reading about? How do they work? And would they work for things like this?PC is my only source for help right now since I have no insurance so any advice is welcomed with open arms.

I use an ice pack from the freezer if I get stuck in a dissociated state. The cold helps me to pull my mind back into my body in the present. When I dissociate I feel detached from things around me, It is like I am totally in my mind. I stop feeling the chair I am sitting on or the temperature in the room. It is like I disconnect from physical sensations. This causes confusion, fear which becomes panic, The cold of the ice is what is happening in the moment. It brings me back down, out of my head and into the present. I remember being out somewhere and have the feeling of dissociating. The confusion, the fear, So I quickly bought a cold drink with plenty of ice and sat down and held the cup. Sometimes taking out pieces of ice to hold. It helped decrease the fear. When I was functional I went home. Ice works for me because I associate it with reality in the moment. But plenty of people use many different things that pull them back into the present.
Also most communities in the USA have low to no cost Mental Health clinics. Maybe there is one in your area. It's worth a try.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mindfullymindless

So, I don't know that I have as dissociative disorder, but I got a scary high score for it on my sanity score and after reading some of these posts, I realize that a lot of y'all have the same kind of things happening to you as me. For instance, when I look at a mirror I don't see me, I see some... monster. A strange, alien man which could not possibly be me. I chocked this up to my psychosis but now I'm not so sure. Another thing is this feeling that nothing is real. Like were all just Sims being played by some cosmic gamer. Other times I feel like this body isn't really mine, more like its my prison and I'm trapped inside this hollow shell looking out at the world. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, maybe that's true and I'm realizing that this body is my home for now. Also, what are these grounding techniques I've been reading about? How do they work? And would they work for things like this?PC is my only source for help right now since I have no insurance so any advice is welcomed with open arms.

one thing you need to know...online tests like the sanity score is not something to base whether you have a mental disorder or not. its just to show you where your head is at.......at the moment that you take the test..... online tests do not take into consideration key elements that psychological/psychiatric testing with a treatment provider does. your score on the sanity score test just says while you were taking the tests you were feeling the way (or answered the questions in a way) that got those scores. I have taken the sanity score test and it gets interpreted by the online scoring system many different ways even when I write down my answers and answer the questions the same way every time.

when ever I have looked in a mirror and saw such things that could not possibly be real like aliens, monsters, creatures my treatment providers called it psychosis. the reason being is with Dissociative disorders reality testing remains intact meaning you know whats real and what isnt, you dont see things that are unreal, what you see and think isnt a hallucination, delusion. since there is no such thing as aliens possessing someones body or taking over someones body to project an aliens body over my body then its a hallucination, delusional thought, unreal.

grounding techniques are anything that calms you down,brings you back to not being dissociated...example when I am feeling dissociated (numb, spaced out, disconnected from my body) I take my canoe out to the lake and row around getting in touch with nature. this physical activity calms me down and brings me back to not being dissociate (numb, spaced out, disconnected)

will grounding work for you...sorry I cant answer that because I am not you and what works for one person doesnt always work for another.....only you and your (or a ) mental health treatment provider who sees you for treatment purposes can say whether grounding will work for you...

my suggestion is if you think you may have a dissociative problem contacting a mental health treatment provider is the best thing. maybe you can check into your state insurance plans. if you are here in America everyone is supposed to have basic healthcare/mental health care insurance either through private insurance company or their state medical coverage (medicaid which can be applied for through your social services welfare office) those without insurance will soon be getting socked with hefty fines unless they fit the criteria for exemption for their location and if their state welfare office has applied and gained approval for exemption from the obama care law stating they do not have to follow this law. (Indiana where your profile says you are from is not exempt from the obama care law which means if you cant afford private insurance you will be able to to your social services and sign up for state medicaid which has basic medical and mental health care packages)

Say sweety, I can't tell if what you are saying is factual or if you're using a bunch of metaphors.

Please see a therapist or pdoc for a professional assessment.

[mindfullymindless]

@amandalouise thanks for the tip on sanity score. I know that online tests are in no way a diagnostic tool but the score I got made me questing whether or not I should look deeper into it. Knowing that its not a constant result kind of test, I don't trust it at all now. But that still leaves me with the stories I've read on this forum that I relate to. Still confused...
Also, thanks for the definition of grounding techniques. Turns out I use grounding (I count my prayer beads)but I've never heard the term grounding techniques before.
@alwayschanging2 when I say I see a monster in the mirror, that is a metaphor. Which is why I go on to say some strange, alien man. By this I do not mean space alien, I see a human man but he is so totally alien to me that there is no possible way it is truly my own reflection. This is also the case with pictures of "me" the images are always the same, but never me. This is why I say this body is my prison. By this I mean I feel as though I am trapped or confined inside of this body. I feel like this ALL THE TIME. Does that sound familiar for dissociation? Or does it sound more like psychosis? (Which I have been diagnosed with) Again, I am very confused right now because I thought I knew what I had, but the stories here sound so familiar to my own experiences that its making me question things. I'll try to remember to write more clearly in the future. But its very difficult to explain what I'm going through without sounding like either a liar, or a complete lunatic

Originally Posted by mindfullymindless

@amandalouise thanks for the tip on sanity score. I know that online tests are in no way a diagnostic tool but the score I got made me questing whether or not I should look deeper into it. Knowing that its not a constant result kind of test, I don't trust it at all now. But that still leaves me with the stories I've read on this forum that I relate to. Still confused...
Also, thanks for the definition of grounding techniques. Turns out I use grounding (I count my prayer beads)but I've never heard the term grounding techniques before.
@alwayschanging2 when I say I see a monster in the mirror, that is a metaphor. Which is why I go on to say some strange, alien man. By this I do not mean space alien, I see a human man but he is so totally alien to me that there is no possible way it is truly my own reflection. This is also the case with pictures of "me" the images are always the same, but never me. This is why I say this body is my prison. By this I mean I feel as though I am trapped or confined inside of this body. I feel like this ALL THE TIME. Does that sound familiar for dissociation? Or does it sound more like psychosis? (Which I have been diagnosed with) Again, I am very confused right now because I thought I knew what I had, but the stories here sound so familiar to my own experiences that its making me question things. I'll try to remember to write more clearly in the future. But its very difficult to explain what I'm going through without sounding like either a liar, or a complete lunatic

That's all right hun you write so well, I love your imagery.

You sound like a guy looking for answers, so why would you be a liar? Like we all don't have better things to do then to hang out a M.I. website. I couldn't really begin to tell you what, it would take a trained professional to give you the correct diagnosis you are seeking.

Feel free to share more and let's talk about it.

[mindfullymindless]

@alwayschanging2 thanks for the compliment on my writing.
Your absolutely right. I am looking for answers, advice, even opinions. I know no one here can give me any kind of diagnosis. I'm just hoping that someone will read my posts and maybe help me to understand. And you would be surprised how many people have called me a liar. Like, apparently, no one else in the world looks at mirrors and pictures and sees the same person every time, just never themselves. I told my therapist that about a year ago and she told me that's not possible, said I was exaggerating or lying, she wasn't sure which. That was the last time I saw her. And she wasn't the only one. A lot of people I've talked to about my problems (not pros) have not believed me or thought I was totally insane. Maybe I am, I don't know. But because of it. I don't trust anyone anymore. Even my wife thinks my problems all come from me being high. Even though I'm stone sober when talking about this stuff. I wont talk about it in any altered state because of the nature of it.
okay, I'm saying too much. I'm actually tearing up writing this.

[mindfullymindless]

IIt was sooo hard to tap "post" just now...

Originally Posted by mindfullymindless

@alwayschanging2 thanks for the compliment on my writing.
Your absolutely right. I am looking for answers, advice, even opinions. I know no one here can give me any kind of diagnosis. I'm just hoping that someone will read my posts and maybe help me to understand. And you would be surprised how many people have called me a liar. Like, apparently, no one else in the world looks at mirrors and pictures and sees the same person every time, just never themselves. I told my therapist that about a year ago and she told me that's not possible, said I was exaggerating or lying, she wasn't sure which. That was the last time I saw her. And she wasn't the only one. A lot of people I've talked to about my problems (not pros) have not believed me or thought I was totally insane. Maybe I am, I don't know. But because of it. I don't trust anyone anymore. Even my wife thinks my problems all come from me being high. Even though I'm stone sober when talking about this stuff. I wont talk about it in any altered state because of the nature of it.
okay, I'm saying too much. I'm actually tearing up writing this.

Feel free to spill it all here hun because we're like not going to judge you. Mention M.I. to anyone and your instantly like a delusional babbling idiot, anything you say may and will be used against you. People are like so closed minded to the hidden sufferings of the M.I. affected.

I've shared with my partner and have been accused of acting, told it was all in my head, called a hypochondriac, pure and utter denial, which I pretty much like quit telling anyone else except my pdoc. And your therapist shutting you down like that? Maybe she has her reasons, but you would think that they might explore the possibilities?

You're absolutely right sweety, I too hate seeing "my" reflection because I just don't connect with it. The stranger in the mirror, pretty much. Same with pictures. I seldom rarely take pictures.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mindfullymindless

@alwayschanging2 thanks for the compliment on my writing.
Your absolutely right. I am looking for answers, advice, even opinions. I know no one here can give me any kind of diagnosis. I'm just hoping that someone will read my posts and maybe help me to understand. And you would be surprised how many people have called me a liar. Like, apparently, no one else in the world looks at mirrors and pictures and sees the same person every time, just never themselves. I told my therapist that about a year ago and she told me that's not possible, said I was exaggerating or lying, she wasn't sure which. That was the last time I saw her. And she wasn't the only one. A lot of people I've talked to about my problems (not pros) have not believed me or thought I was totally insane. Maybe I am, I don't know. But because of it. I don't trust anyone anymore. Even my wife thinks my problems all come from me being high. Even though I'm stone sober when talking about this stuff. I wont talk about it in any altered state because of the nature of it.
okay, I'm saying too much. I'm actually tearing up writing this.

thanks for going into more detail about what you mean when you say aliens/alien to you. many mental disorders can have this symptom as can normal things like sleep deprivation, poor diet, ...and things like drugs/medications and alcohol use.

sometimes when I tell my treatment providers pictures and looking in the mirror seems unrecognizable (your word alien) or strange to me they ask me for more information...like what about the pictures and mirror reflection is strange or unrecognizable to me. then I elaborate on what about the pictures of me and my reflection in a mirror seems strange or unrecognizable. example today I looked in the mirror and my reflection seems a bit different to me then what I thought I should have looked like. I asked my wife it I looked strange, different to her because to me I do. she laughed and said honey you look the same but you feel different, the two just dont match right now. physically you are tired but emotionally you are happy, excited, calm so of course your image is going to look strange to you. lol she was right. I was basing what I was seeing (my physical appearance on my emotions and rigt now they dont match so my perception was I didnt recognize my reflection.