[Caelix3]

My name is Chrissy/Caelix, I am 17 years old and could really use some help. For as long as I could remember I have been experiencing loss of time blackouts and feeling a out of body experience sensation. Where I can see what I am saying or doing but can do nothing to stop it. But lately that has changed and I cannot even remember whole days at times. My math teacher is getting pissed off because I cannot remember what she has taught me, its almost as if she never taught me the material and that I am learning it for the first time.

I have these voices in my head, constantly commenting on what I am doing or suggesting things I should do. I can understand what they are saying most of the time but at other times I cannot and it is just a bunch of static.
I find things I have written or posted online and it does not sound like something I would post. The things I have written do not look like my handwriting at all or something I would say.I have tried multiple times telling my psychiatrist about this and social worker but they just brush it off as anxiety.

I do suffer from depression,psychotic disorder,social anxiety.I just feel like something traumatic may have happened to me during my childhood. Due to the fact that most of my childhood is a blur, I sometimes have nightmares of someone molesting me but I cannot see their face and also if someone even a family member just touches me or hugs me; I flinch. My older sister used to grab me and shake me when I was younger as well, due to the fact that she had really bad mood swings.I am thinking of starting to write a journal like my social worker recommended but I honestly don't know where to start. What would you suggest would be a good place to start?

The voices that are constantly in my head are:


Teenage Boy - Around age 15 or 16. Very angry, tends to be a bit rude and blunt.

Older Woman - Around age 56 or 40. Very nasty and mean.

Young Girl - Around age 5 or 6. Loves playing with stuffed animals,very silly and is rather hyper.

[Claritytoo]

I think starting a journal is a great idea. You can start anywhere. You can start by introducing your self and the boy, child and older women. Putting it on paper is very cathartic. I journal and sometimes I am surprised by what I have written but I know it was me or one of my parts writing it. Everyone in my system is allowed to express what they think. But our system has rules that everyone has willing or unwilling agreed to go by. We function in the world and in order to do that we need to not stand out. Everyone agrees on that so we all go by the rules. You can let your therapist read what you have written or not. Maybe your therapist will get a better understanding of what is going on in your head.

Hi Chrissy!

Yes, journaling is an excellent way to keep track of your days. I include what happened, when and where, and anyone that I might suspect was out. Also things that happen that are like unusual. Include thoughts and what you hear in your head.

Also, getting other parts to journal too can speed up treatment.

The one thing that played against me is the psychotic part of bipolar. I told them that I hear voices and they say that I'm delusional or skitzo, and gives me an antipsychotic that never works and does more harm then good. So I started journaling and keeping a records book on my iPad.

This illness is so misunderstood and/or rejected by mental health providers that they are more likely to dismiss it as a possibility then embrace it. This usually means getting DXd takes much longer than it should take. Keeping a record or journal is a must.

I hope that you receive the help that you require sweety!

[finding_my_way]

i was thankfully lucky to find a psychiatrist who understands dissociation. what you have described is kind of similar to my own experiences.

when i was in high school, my dissociation was at its worst up until i was around 23. it was around in childhood too, but i was not old enough or aware enough to know what it was.

i had an experience in high school where i had to write an exam, i think a science or math one. i don't remember if i was in a different classroom to write it or one i had taken a class in, but i can remember not knowing what the exam was about and not remembering the subject or even the class. it was very strange and scared me.

i would actually just randomly get up and leave class often too and just wander around the school or go sit somewhere because i was so dissociated i just was not 'there.'

i think the journal idea is good. i kept an online one for most of those years. it is scary to read back on it, and i haven't kept one since but probably should again.

does your school know that you struggle with anything in general? it helped me to go to my principal and be able to access a school counselor as well if needed. they were understanding if i had days i could not go to school or stay in class and made accommodations to help me with missed days or when i just wasn't able to do the work on time.

to this day, i have no idea how i even got through high school. i barely remember it and really wasn't even that smart to start with. it was a huge struggle for me.

hope you get some things sorted out a bit more.

[Caelix3]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I really appreciate it. My school social worker knows about the dissociation but she just brushes it off as part of my social anxiety, although she was the one who suggested for me to start a journal but for my anxiety. My psychiatrist just brushes it off as part of my psychotic symptoms and really doesn't do much about it. I don't have a therapist currently that I can talk to unfortunately,Nor have I been officially diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

[Caelix3]

Thanks for the replies and suggestions everyone. Unfortunately my psychiatrist just brushes it off as my psychotic symptoms. My school social worker was the one who suggested about journaling but she thinks its more due to my anxiety. No matter how many times I try to convince them other wise, they always just brush it off. They never look into it or try and figure out something to help me, which is really irritating.

I also have a irrational fear of men, for no reason whatsoever.I get shortness of breath,sweating,dizzy,out of body experience,etc. I feel like something must of happened to me in my childhood but I cannot remember, I have nightmares sometimes of being molested but I cannot see the man's face.Today when I was at physical therapy, the therapist had to put her hands on my hips and move me around to test my balance and I felt terrified;She kept telling me "Just relax...". Next thing I knew I was in the bathroom and had texted my mom that I was done with therapy. I felt quite exhausted after that. I don't understand why I had freaked out like that. I am hoping to find a therapist to talk to soon, my last few ended up moving or would say that I wasn't trying to help myself.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Caelix3

Thanks for the replies and suggestions everyone. Unfortunately my psychiatrist just brushes it off as my psychotic symptoms. My school social worker was the one who suggested about journaling but she thinks its more due to my anxiety. No matter how many times I try to convince them other wise, they always just brush it off. They never look into it or try and figure out something to help me, which is really irritating.

I also have a irrational fear of men, for no reason whatsoever.I get shortness of breath,sweating,dizzy,out of body experience,etc. I feel like something must of happened to me in my childhood but I cannot remember, I have nightmares sometimes of being molested but I cannot see the man's face. Today when I was at physical therapy, the therapist had to put her hands on my hips and move me around to test my balance and I felt terrified;She kept telling me "Just relax...". Next thing I knew I was in the bathroom and had texted my mom that I was done with therapy. I felt quite exhausted after that. I don't understand why I had freaked out like that. I am hoping to find a therapist to talk to soon, my last few ended up moving or would say that I wasn't trying to help myself.

welcome how about printing off what you posted here and giving it to your psychiatrist to read? in my opinion that would be a great place to start...

also I can see why your psychiatrist and social worker would call this psychotic symptoms ....short version for some people what you posted is how psychosis/being psychotic affects them....hearing voices, perceiving others inside, having fears about other people places or things, getting short of breath, dizzy and all the other symptoms you have posted about are symptoms of the mental disorders that you have been diagnosed with (depression, psychotic disorder, anxiety....

another suggestion...there is a whole bunch of tests you can take that will tell you for sure if you have the mental disorders you have been diagnosed with or something different..testing for dissociative disorders like DID (one of the mental disorders where a person has alternate personalities) is very long and very thorough. your psychiatrist can tell you more about the diagnosis process for mental disorders and can administer some of the tests and a medical doctor will also need to send you for some physical\medical tests for all the medical things that this can also cause a person to have the same identical symptoms you posted about.

[Caelix3]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

welcome how about printing off what you posted here and giving it to your psychiatrist to read? in my opinion that would be a great place to start...

also I can see why your psychiatrist and social worker would call this psychotic symptoms ....short version for some people what you posted is how psychosis/being psychotic affects them....hearing voices, perceiving others inside, having fears about other people places or things, getting short of breath, dizzy and all the other symptoms you have posted about are symptoms of the mental disorders that you have been diagnosed with (depression, psychotic disorder, anxiety....

another suggestion...there is a whole bunch of tests you can take that will tell you for sure if you have the mental disorders you have been diagnosed with or something different..testing for dissociative disorders like DID (one of the mental disorders where a person has alternate personalities) is very long and very thorough. your psychiatrist can tell you more about the diagnosis process for mental disorders and can administer some of the tests and a medical doctor will also need to send you for some physical\medical tests for all the medical things that this can also cause a person to have the same identical symptoms you posted about.

Thanks for the advice, the printing out what I have wrote sounds like a good idea to start with. I have gotten a few head scan tests, one to test for seizures and another to test for brain abnormalities; which both did come out normal. As for the psychiatrist being able to administer some tests, how would I go about asking them? Sorry I am really clueless when it comes to figuring things out on my own.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Caelix3

Thanks for the advice, the printing out what I have wrote sounds like a good idea to start with. I have gotten a few head scan tests, one to test for seizures and another to test for brain abnormalities; which both did come out normal. As for the psychiatrist being able to administer some tests, how would I go about asking them? Sorry I am really clueless when it comes to figuring things out on my own.

one thing you need to know is that here on psych central we dont tell each other what to do or say.. we just share things we go through...Im sorry but I cant tell you how to ask your treatment providers for the tests, they are not going to want my words and why I want the testing. they will want you to ask in your own words and want to know in your own words why you want the testing. it is your psychiatrist and only you know how and what you talk about with your psychiatrist. my suggestion is sit down and write about whether you want testing and why that will give you an idea of whether to ask for testing or not and what to say should you ask for the testing...

I personally dont believe you are clueless. by the way, if you were clueless (in my location clueless means the same as ignorant, dumb, stupid, unable to comprehend the basics...)the reason I dont believe you are clueless is because you figured out how to use a computer or cell phone and do a search on something, that lead you here to this website, you also figured out how to register and how to post...i think you will be able to figure out how to talk to your psychiatrist and what to say, if you really want to have the testing done. you can do this

[destinymarah]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. My child is having similar issues but I don't really know if DID is a possibility due to him never losing track of time.,..there has to be something else out there that explains it...I think the journaling idea will help you keep track of time and I think maybe finding your triggers and the best way for you to combat those triggers so that they are less often and less harsh...you can survive this but you have to keep fighting..

Originally Posted by Caelix3

Thanks for the replies and suggestions everyone. Unfortunately my psychiatrist just brushes it off as my psychotic symptoms. My school social worker was the one who suggested about journaling but she thinks its more due to my anxiety. No matter how many times I try to convince them other wise, they always just brush it off. They never look into it or try and figure out something to help me, which is really irritating.

I also have a irrational fear of men, for no reason whatsoever.I get shortness of breath,sweating,dizzy,out of body experience,etc. I feel like something must of happened to me in my childhood but I cannot remember, I have nightmares sometimes of being molested but I cannot see the man's face.Today when I was at physical therapy, the therapist had to put her hands on my hips and move me around to test my balance and I felt terrified;She kept telling me "Just relax...". Next thing I knew I was in the bathroom and had texted my mom that I was done with therapy. I felt quite exhausted after that. I don't understand why I had freaked out like that. I am hoping to find a therapist to talk to soon, my last few ended up moving or would say that I wasn't trying to help myself.

[destinymarah]

I see that you are a therapist....I am a case manager with a master's in counseling (life got in the way and I didn't finish my lpc) anyway my son is having many problems right now and I am searching desperately to find out if he has true DID or if something else is going on with him. His counselor and I have talked about it NUMEROUS times and we are not getting anywhere....I feel as if I am ramming my head into the wall because I can't help my baby.....I think you gave some insightful information to this thread and ty

Originally Posted by amandalouise

welcome how about printing off what you posted here and giving it to your psychiatrist to read? in my opinion that would be a great place to start...

also I can see why your psychiatrist and social worker would call this psychotic symptoms ....short version for some people what you posted is how psychosis/being psychotic affects them....hearing voices, perceiving others inside, having fears about other people places or things, getting short of breath, dizzy and all the other symptoms you have posted about are symptoms of the mental disorders that you have been diagnosed with (depression, psychotic disorder, anxiety....

another suggestion...there is a whole bunch of tests you can take that will tell you for sure if you have the mental disorders you have been diagnosed with or something different..testing for dissociative disorders like DID (one of the mental disorders where a person has alternate personalities) is very long and very thorough. your psychiatrist can tell you more about the diagnosis process for mental disorders and can administer some of the tests and a medical doctor will also need to send you for some physical\medical tests for all the medical things that this can also cause a person to have the same identical symptoms you posted about.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by destinymarah

I am so sorry this is happening to you. My child is having similar issues but I don't really know if DID is a possibility due to him never losing track of time.,..there has to be something else out there that explains it...I think the journaling idea will help you keep track of time and I think maybe finding your triggers and the best way for you to combat those triggers so that they are less often and less harsh...you can survive this but you have to keep fighting..

if you are here in America the dissociative disorder that has less than or no loss of time\limited loss of memory and also have what is perceived as alters or identities is called OSDD (other Specified Dissociative Disorder) the first diagnostic for it is ...

1. Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms: This category includes identity disturbance associated with less-than-marked discontinuities in sense of self and agency, or alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia.

please dont take this as a diagnosis of you, only your treatment providers can make that definitive diagnosis. Also other locations outside of the USA may have other standards.

my suggestion is that if you feel you have any dissociative disorders contact your (or a) mental health treatment provider. they can tell you how to get evaluated for all the problems that share your same symptoms and then tell you whether you have OSDD , DID or any other dissociative disorder.

[Caelix3]

Thank you everyone for all the helpful information you have provided, I assure you it will not be ignored. I really think all this advice may really help me out! Will keep you guys posted, if any of you are interested!