It's interesting

Now that I have stopped going to therapy I seem to be back to normal. Meaning functioning as I used to. The only difference is that I know the thoughts in my head are parts and that I am not going insane. I feel good. I still have issues with relationships and social settings but now I don't feel so confused about it. I would like a relationship, but it is difficult for me to trust that it will last. Maybe I should just live day to day. Don't care today.

Anthing that is a constant reminder that you are "off" is detrimental to your health. Going to AA day after day is all we talk about is drinking. A few times cool, but for years?

These forums are bad for my mental health. I'm hating right now and like I need a constant daily reminder of how messed up I am.

i also found going to therapy too much was unhelpful. but i also was seeing a lot of professionals for different things, so it was confusing for me since they all were focusing on something different.

it's also a reason i am unsure how real therapy helps because i have so many issues that i don't know where to start...the symptoms change, the issues change...but they all still exist too..it's just hard knowing what to work on when one day to the next, the issue might not be the same..so to focus on one just complicates things.

This may sound odd but I don't think I am messed up. I managed to survive a brutal childhood by dissociating (instinctively). Now I am trying to remember, feel, and move forward. I just don't know how to figure out the pathways. The times when I didn't feel or didn't remember. These things I have kept frozen in time. (My parts). I am not talking about integrating. I am talking about living in the present, feeling the present. This is what I want. Life does not last forever. I don't want to miss the present because we can't let go of the past.

This was also difficult for me. In session parts would talk, which was good for us but after session I had to be in the world. That meant that the ones who drive would be out. When that happened I would not recall much of what was said in session. I also found it difficult to work on things because most of the time I didn't recall what I was susposed to be working on. It took over two year for me to remember to ground myself without my t having to tell me. This was because when someone was freaking out they didn't know about grounding, And the one who knew about grounding wasn't out. It took over two years to get a hint of co consciousness with certain parts. It took me years before I new what dissociation/derealization felt like when it was happening. I understood the concept but when it was happening I was in it and couldn't define it. It just felt like I was going insane. Now when it starts I say "oh that is dissociation or derealization". Once I identify it the anxiety drops and the episode shortens. I know this is directly related to my improved co consciousness with parts I wasn't aware of. And this happened because of therapy. So maybe down the road I may go back to therapy. But not for awhile. I think I'd rather be at the beach.

there were many years i was not able to talk due to the dissociation. i have been able to more in the last few years, but i don't always feel the same when i go either....as in i am not always fully 'me' me but sometimes a mix...but i don't even know it all the time either..but my psychiatrist has noticed me being stronger (some symptoms managed well, dissociating less with her) which also confuses me since i don't know if it means to her i'm not struggling much anymore when i am still, i just don't see her often anymore.

i am not sure if people without dissociation feel that too, like not 100% like themselves...a slightly different version, etc. but that is also partly why some things are just confusing for me because i don't always know who i am but have a hard time even explaining it.

i get concerned that if i talk too much about things inside that it will stir it up and make me dissociate more. then i think i am just making things up or something...

I'm barely functioning. The way I view things are constantly changing. I'm contradictory. Sure, things keep changing. We keep changing. I can never get anything done because someone else comes out.

We fake it till we make it. And presently were not making it.