[Willowtrees]

Just wondering how any of you felt about intensive outpatient. I am nearing 1 month in this program and i feel like without the anxiety meds they put me on, id be in the same place i was before, having 6 hour panic attacks. In.some ways i feel i am getting worse. The groups arent helping, though my reluctance to discuss my DID with a large group of (probably) singletons may be part of that. What do you think?

[Kiya]

that about sums up my (several) experiences of IOP. do you have a therapist to transition to? and pdoc/pnurse?

[Willowtrees]

Originally Posted by Kiya

that about sums up my (several) experiences of IOP. do you have a therapist to transition to? and pdoc/pnurse?

I have an outside therapist and primary care doctor, but neither are going to be too experienced with DID. Thats how things go when youre poor i guess. I have a back up therapist just in case though that may have more experience.

[TheFuZZieONE]

I've never heard of OP before, but I temporarily quit therapy and have been the happiest I've been all year. I'm still experiencing some mild dissociative symptoms, but I've been very calm and relaxed. Since quitting therapy my intense mood swings have subsided and no more depression either. I think the issue with therapy for me was bringing up painful and uncomfortable memories and not having a therapist who specializes in DID. I plan on going back to therapy, but AFTER I find someone who specializes in dissociative disorders.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

I have an outside therapist and primary care doctor, but neither are going to be too experienced with DID. Thats how things go when youre poor i guess. I have a back up therapist just in case though that may have more experience.

Generally IOPs no little to nothing about DID other than get freaked out. My therapist did know some, but was not helpful. Those classes can be found in any self help book or Cognitive Behavioral therapy work book.
I wouldn't be open in groups about DID unless you have a swap put moment you feel you need to explain or it comes up in talk with a therapist in group. I felt pretty alienated after it came out in mine- someone said "that really put things in perspective for me; I mean, I thought I had problems, but compared to that, you know, I'm fine." Ugh. Mortified. But I tried to make me normal for him (and everyone) by saying a part of me resonates with your addictive tendencies. And to another woman, saying a part of me resonates with the urge to binge. But I felt like I totally stuck out after that.

[Willowtrees]

Originally Posted by Kiya

Generally IOPs no little to nothing about DID other than get freaked out. My therapist did know some, but was not helpful. Those classes can be found in any self help book or Cognitive Behavioral therapy work book.
I wouldn't be open in groups about DID unless you have a swap put moment you feel you need to explain or it comes up in talk with a therapist in group. I felt pretty alienated after it came out in mine- someone said "that really put things in perspective for me; I mean, I thought I had problems, but compared to that, you know, I'm fine." Ugh. Mortified. But I tried to make me normal for him (and everyone) by saying a part of me resonates with your addictive tendencies. And to another woman, saying a part of me resonates with the urge to binge. But I felt like I totally stuck out after that.

Exactly. The classes are on mindfulness, living with depression, dealing with anxiety.... Absolutely nothing i wasnt looking up every single day on the internet before I came in. Guess what? Still had 6 hour panic attacks. Which Id still be having without the meds (that they want to take me off of once ive learned how to manage my anxiety... Do I get to decide when that is or do they?)

Ive told a few people about the DID as I wish to be their friends, but I only talk in group about it in general ptsd and dissociation terms. Yet the therapists are pushing me to be more open. Already ive gotten comments about "being my true self", and thats from people i otherwise like. I dont think itd be helpful to discuss my DID and especially my alters in group, quite the opposite.

[Kiya]

agreed - when I was "pushed" to be open.... it didn't go well. People I liked treated me different. People I tried to stay in contact with, I've never heard from again. I think talking in general dissociative and ptsd terms is best. Very few people will ever really understand and accept DID and all that goes with it. Those who do are rare gems.

As far as meds go, yeah I love when THEY decided "we don't give benzos here" and put me into withdrawals for 30 hours of hell. After that, not only did they give them to me, they begged me to take the PRN Ativan. I told them they'd change their mind.

People talk lovely talk about "Getting in control of panic". I dunno about all people, but with alters, it's a whole different ball game. I take two "downers" that barely keep me level as well as a mood stabilizer. If I miss even a dose, I am all kinds of crazy. People often ask me how I can function on the downers (and prns to teach or during a panic attack). They don't bring me "down". They bring me as close to normal as I might get. "This isn't a forever drug".... ok - well then you get to put up with me inpatient when you take it from me. Have fun dealing with my 10 most active alters. On my meds, only 4-6 are present. Doesn't mean others don't show up at times.
That wasn't what I wanted to say... where was I going ... oh - like heart medication or blood thinners or insulin; "this isn't a forever drug" would kill the person living with that condition. Our ailments could have the same outcome without help.
just sayin'

Check with your professional about support groups for DID. I was lucky enough to find one. They are around. Some facilitated by Ts who specialize in DID. It's not a support group that's advertised. That helped me recognize and accept by dx when I was first told. Actually I think it was called abuse survivors support but everyone was dxed DID.

[Willowtrees]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

Check with your professional about support groups for DID. I was lucky enough to find one. They are around. Some facilitated by Ts who specialize in DID. It's not a support group that's advertised. That helped me recognize and accept by dx when I was first told. Actually I think it was called abuse survivors support but everyone was dxed DID.

I have tried that.. But one is closed at the moment and the other one im getting a weird feeling about.. Im very far from being a "gold star" well functioning multiple, and when the facilitator found out about that, she had a consultation with me about "if the group will still be a good fit for me"... Weird.. Im still going to check it out, but I dont know if they will want me in the group. I did reach out on a facebook group though and ill be meeting another multiple my age who knows others, so thats a plus.

Sorry must have accidentally hit send😕 I can't say IOP was useless for me cuz I did learn some coping mechanisms but when sessions got really intense I found I couldn't just turn it off until the next day. When someone related a traumatic event sometimes my protective alters would come out or it would precipitate a memory in me. I transferred to a day program more general for a short time. & did the intensive stuff with my Psychiatrist with occasional short in hospitable care. Sometimes just 24 hours.

That's great u have found other DIDs. U can make your own little support group.

[Willowtrees]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

Sorry must have accidentally hit send😕 I can't say IOP was useless for me cuz I did learn some coping mechanisms but when sessions got really intense I found I couldn't just turn it off until the next day. When someone related a traumatic event sometimes my protective alters would come out or it would precipitate a memory in me. I transferred to a day program more general for a short time. & did the intensive stuff with my Psychiatrist with occasional short in hospitable care. Sometimes just 24 hours.

I find myself getting heavy derealization in group to the point where people look like cardboard cutouts.. and a few days ago the group prompt upset me quite a bit, i started crying, and a child alter almost came out in front of the whole group.. That hardly ever happens in public, especially not uncontrolled, our protectors guard the kids very well most of the time.. i cant say its been entirely unhelpful either.. But in a lot of ways i dont feel like the program was made for people with DID and 7 co-morbid conditions like me.. More for the "average mentally ill".. Im trying to make sense here, not trying to be offensive.. It just makes me sad.

[Willowtrees]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

That's great u have found other DIDs. U can make your own little support group.

Yeah, im pretty excited about it. The first system ive met seems very nice

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

I have tried that.. But one is closed at the moment and the other one im getting a weird feeling about.. Im very far from being a "gold star" well functioning multiple, and when the facilitator found out about that, she had a consultation with me about "if the group will still be a good fit for me"... Weird.. Im still going to check it out, but I dont know if they will want me in the group. I did reach out on a facebook group though and ill be meeting another multiple my age who knows others, so thats a plus.

I had to do that consultation thing, too, when I joined a group for survivors. She finally agreed with the promise that if I needed to step out for a moment, I wouldn't leave the building. And she was always the one who stepped out to follow me ( not the intern ). She did see a few switches of persons. It was a difficult group, but I'm glad I did it. I still have one lasting friendship from it.

It is nice/ interesting to meet other DIDs in person... Kinda like watching myself in a mirror. But I have found it validating to see others go thru what I go thru and that they can tell when I've swapped out and offer assistance.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

I find myself getting heavy derealization in group to the point where people look like cardboard cutouts.. and a few days ago the group prompt upset me quite a bit, i started crying, and a child alter almost came out in front of the whole group.. That hardly ever happens in public, especially not uncontrolled, our protectors guard the kids very well most of the time.. i cant say its been entirely unhelpful either.. But in a lot of ways i dont feel like the program was made for people with DID and 7 co-morbid conditions like me.. More for the "average mentally ill".. Im trying to make sense here, not trying to be offensive.. It just makes me sad.

Sounds about right. and to them co-morbid means "mental illness and addiction". I too was like I've got anxiety, depression, panic, agoraphobia, and DID. And they're like ...whaaaa??!...