[Willowtrees]

I know that term is controversial, but I really dont need a classroom talk. I need help. She came back last night, the person with the birth name. We all thought she was dead and that whatever was left was just a representation. She most definitely does not feel that way. She feels like she is 100% birthname. And apparently she feels like the rest of us are dreams.

She says she dreams things and then wakes up and theyve actually happened (like moving), and said stuff like "I dreamed I was all of these other people, and the dream people have all the answers, and I have nothing". She has some memories/information of whats gone on, but experiences her timeline as being at the bookstore, 'dreaming', and then being somewhere else a year later with no control over it.

I dont know what to say to her, how to talk to her, or how to help her. I dont even understand who she is. I thought we all were her essentially, just divided, and she was gone. But shes here you guys. Shes here, shes scared, and I need advice.

Joshua

[Kiya]

I know it's cliché and everyone asks each other this, but are you in therapy? or can you consider going?
That's not an easy thing... We've had people come and go - including core; I am in her place now. I don't know what I'd do if she came back and pushed me out. Makes me dizzy thinking about it.
Can you write the Birthname notes so she knows you're not dreams? Leave her clues? have a journal that everyone writes in so she can see it? We've done that, but it was Core that started it.... after she freaked about the dx.
hope things will be ok, Joshua.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

I know that term is controversial, but I really dont need a classroom talk. I need help. She came back last night, the person with the birth name. We all thought she was dead and that whatever was left was just a representation. She most definitely does not feel that way. She feels like she is 100% birthname. And apparently she feels like the rest of us are dreams.

She says she dreams things and then wakes up and theyve actually happened (like moving), and said stuff like "I dreamed I was all of these other people, and the dream people have all the answers, and I have nothing". She has some memories/information of whats gone on, but experiences her timeline as being at the bookstore, 'dreaming', and then being somewhere else a year later with no control over it.

I dont know what to say to her, how to talk to her, or how to help her. I dont even understand who she is. I thought we all were her essentially, just divided, and she was gone. But shes here you guys. Shes here, shes scared, and I need advice.

Joshua

Joshua I know that its a bit confusing and scary to find out your core /body/birth person (here in my location this is called the host) is still there. you are not alone in this. let me show you something my location goes by and maybe that will explain what happened...

in my location it is believed and documented with mental health that human beings are born one whole person. then something traumatic happened when that one whole person was under the age of 5. that trauma was so extreme and severe that the human being (birth person) mind could not handle it. they use their dissociative skills (spacing out, numbing, daydreaming, shutting out, placing their self in what ever state of mind that enables them to not feel, not notice and not remember all the pain and emotions and events associated with those traumatic events) when this happens the under 5 year old mind dissociates into parts (alters). At that moment the mind creates the alters for a reason, to handle what ever the birth person could not handle. (here in my location this is called having alters who have their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being) from that day on any time there is a situation where the birth /body person gets triggered, the alters take control of the body and do their jobs, purposes, reasons for being....each system of birth/body person and those that reside with in that one body is comprised in such a way that enables all to survive and continue on living.

some systems with DID are where alters and hosts (body birth named person) is never around, in others the system is set up where the body birth named person is around part time and in other systems it may be that the body birth person is mostly around somewhere. (systems where the birth person is mostly around or always around is now called OSDD other specified dissociative disorder)

ok how does this relate to what you are going through.. it is normal for DID to be the way you and the others are. its part of having DID to have a birth named person who dissociated (in the birth named persons words according to you...she dreams) and the birth named person to perceive those that live inside her as being part of the dream.

here in my location a birth named person having awareness that the others exist either as a dream or voices, or thoughts is called co conscious. it may be that what ever caused your birth named person to dissociate/be gone so long has been resolved to where they can now feel safe in recognizing they have a dream world where things they dont remember happens, where there are others that she perceives as part of a dream. this is a very good thing, it shows progress and a great deal of healing has happened for everyone (birth person and insiders) great job everyone

now the next step in the healing process can begin... communication with those she is ready to communicate with, grounding, addressing the traumas that you all have gone through,.... in short you will all be feeling better in the future days to come.

my suggestion at this stage theres not much you can do other than continue to let her know you exist even if she perceives you as part of her dream. you can still say or think to her, hello my name is and here is how I have been helping to take care of you and all of us inside. She may not hear you at first but over time as she continues to heal what you say and think may reach her. continue to pay close attention to how she is thinking/talking and dealing with things. this will tell you what she needs you to do for her. as healing continues the communication/co consciousness skills between you may also progress to a healing point where she can tell you what she needs from you and you can talk with her too.

again great work everyone and congrats on this monumental step in healing

[IB splitting]

I came to a point where I couldn't live like this.. So I started writing. I did 5 years of therapy in the 90s. I knew I had to go back. I have at least 8 teams of two. 1 female 1 male my main part is female Lacey. The female parts were assigned to the males to care and look out for them. When I write that's how I find out what there up to. It's so strange I have very distinct writing. I have to read what I wrote a few times because I don't remember what I wrote. I've found this to be a good tool to communicate with my parts. Good luck to you.

Originally Posted by IB splitting

I came to a point where I couldn't live like this.. So I started writing. I did 5 years of therapy in the 90s. I knew I had to go back. I have at least 8 teams of two. 1 female 1 male my main part is female Lacey. The female parts were assigned to the males to care and look out for them. When I write that's how I find out what there up to. It's so strange I have very distinct writing. I have to read what I wrote a few times because I don't remember what I wrote. I've found this to be a good tool to communicate with my parts. Good luck to you.

I so hate writing. It's the one thing that is foreign for we know each other's thinking, but the writing, freaky. Like coming online and to find out someone tried to sabotage or someone had an opinion which is like discovery.

We're so glad your here hun!

I don't feel like I have a "host" or "core" person, because we're always changing trying to deal with life. I'm the homebody, but the workers go to work, and the others come out for fun.

But journaling or keeping a notebook is the way to go. I've even started with automatic hand writing, but I've noticed that I can here the word after the first 2 letters so I found out that we can "talk" to each other.

When I'm in doubt I try the hand writing thing every now and then. Keep coming back!

[Willowtrees]

We are in therapy, but only for about 6 weeks. Still building trust
But we like her. Were also in intensive outpatient but after 2 months, aside from med management, its just made things worse.

Weve tried journaling before but just ended up fighting through it. Is that still progress? As a child we kept journals that were more like storybooks, lots of pictures and drawings with bad parts barely mentioned. So im thinking of getting different kinds of stationary instead of a journal, so there wont be the perfectionistic aspect.

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

I know that term is controversial, but I really dont need a classroom talk. I need help. She came back last night, the person with the birth name. We all thought she was dead and that whatever was left was just a representation. She most definitely does not feel that way. She feels like she is 100% birthname. And apparently she feels like the rest of us are dreams.

She says she dreams things and then wakes up and theyve actually happened (like moving), and said stuff like "I dreamed I was all of these other people, and the dream people have all the answers, and I have nothing". She has some memories/information of whats gone on, but experiences her timeline as being at the bookstore, 'dreaming', and then being somewhere else a year later with no control over it.

I dont know what to say to her, how to talk to her, or how to help her. I dont even understand who she is. I thought we all were her essentially, just divided, and she was gone. But shes here you guys. Shes here, shes scared, and I need advice.

Joshua

Hey Sweety,

We have an other that denies that were multiple and does a forceful take over when triggered. A lot of the time he forces and controls up front to prove his point. We call him the "Denial Alter" because that's what he mainly does. He thinks he's it and that we're not real and that he is imagining all this. He's a bloated bag of self-esteem if you ask me. He's intense and dead set in his thinking, but usually loses control when his energy fizzles or he gets distracted. He's usually not out long, just enough to annoy.

We have no host, or core as far as I can tell. There is nobody here that goes by the bodies/system name of Dakota that I'm aware of. We respond to the name, but it's so like hollow sounding, especially since our abuser has the same name.
There is so many of us that we've begun to name ourselves after the job we do.

We all have a job to do, and I'm Susie. I'm the nurturing emphatic one that takes care of home life. I've been here forever. I am the "nurturer" that cares and feels because the workers are like mindless drones. They are excellent in what they do, but are not good at raising a family.

We've started mapping and classifying, so I feel like part of a biology experiment.

I don't know how your system is because everyone is different. Since you are working with a T, I'd just give it time.

I journal, and it's like a daily diary but it skips days, if weeks because I'm not always there to do it, but when I am, I forget because I haven't done it in a while! Lol

We started an alter notebook, and it's been nothing but a *****fest, lol. Everyone complaining about amount of time out and how they would do things differently.

We can hear others when we talk directly, but the crowd is way off in the distance, thank God.

Hang in there hun, and give it some time. Luv

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

We are in therapy, but only for about 6 weeks. Still building trust
But we like her. Were also in intensive outpatient but after 2 months, aside from med management, its just made things worse.

Weve tried journaling before but just ended up fighting through it. Is that still progress? As a child we kept journals that were more like storybooks, lots of pictures and drawings with bad parts barely mentioned. So im thinking of getting different kinds of stationary instead of a journal, so there wont be the perfectionistic aspect.

here where I live and work yes it is still called progress any time the birth person who previously was not available\noticed/or was other wise missing from the knowledge of the others is now noticed/available and no longer missing.

in situations where the host (In this situation I am referring to host as the birth person) is perceived as not there, in order for the system to recognize their host is there some healing has to have been done. any healing rather than staying stagnant is called progress.

you may not have been in treatment very long but some healing has happened....if you read your past posts you will where there are changes for example you went from perceiving no host (birth person) to recognizing you do have one...it may not seem like progress to you but in mental health terms here where I live and work thats called progress. many people with DID who perceive their host as not there\missing dont reach this point until they have been in treatment for a long time. I know someone that perceived their birth person not there \ missing and did not discover their birth person was in fact there, until they had been in treatment for 15 years. Everyone heals at their own rates and for you after a short time in treatment you have progressed/healed enough to where you have found your core (my term host/birth person) now that you have found your core/birth person I wouldnt be surprised if you find at times things are easier because you can now establish things like communication/grounding/ and various techniques\coping tools that will enable you and your system to begin working together. dont get me wrong theres still going to be those ups and downs and hard work ahead of you but just reading your posts I can see progress being made

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

We are in therapy, but only for about 6 weeks. Still building trust
But we like her. Were also in intensive outpatient but after 2 months, aside from med management, its just made things worse.

Weve tried journaling before but just ended up fighting through it. Is that still progress? As a child we kept journals that were more like storybooks, lots of pictures and drawings with bad parts barely mentioned. So im thinking of getting different kinds of stationary instead of a journal, so there wont be the perfectionistic aspect.

I think the storybook with pictures and drawings is a great idea especially sense this helped before.