What is your main alter?

Just wonder what is everyone's main alter? Like the one that comes out the most and what do they look like? Also, what function do they provide you with, are they a protector, your child side or etc.
Mines a male version of me except he represents my inner side, the side I wish that could come out. Very musically talent, a dancer, smart-like a detective and he's psychic. The color purple is associated with him and he's very off and weird. He likes to sing... a lot I always turn into him whenever I'm in a dream.

What does he look like? Well, he's got long, kinky hair like a lion's main. A pretty boy with brown skin. Slim and borders on the looks of a girl. Someday I'll draw him.

His function is my creative, happy side. He's what I should be, minus all the outside influence, the norms and social influence. I always been a kid and never really grew up but was forced too. So really he's what I should've been. I can't really show emotions well but can, so that helps me kinda feel normal.
How about you?

We don't have a main alter. Each one has a job to do, like I Susie does the home life, so I'm usually here in the nights and morning. The workers go to work and do what they do, Sarah cooks, Rosalie cleans, etc.

We switch seamlessly all day as needed. We work in co-operation because we are co-conscience. We are aware of each other enough around the edges to appear single. Whatever their job is and the memory that goes with it are theirs, so I've no clue what they do all day.

The main one is me. The original person hasnt been around for eight years. There are two or three of us who alternate being in charge.

I did not have one main alter. to understand this you will need to know a bit about dissociation and DID from my locations point of view.

here where I live and work dissociation is a reaction to a trigger....feeling numb, spaced out, disconnected from one self or ones environment and people around one self due to something happening that the person who dissociates can not handle.

dissociation happens on kind of like having a cold...there are many variations of how, when a person dissociates and what that person considers to be a trigger due to everyone has their own coping skills, their own culture, their own ways they react to things.

there is normal dissociation that everyone goes through and then the scale moves into the various mental disorders that are listed in the link at the bottom of my post. those in the link are only those recognized dissociative disorders in the USA.

thats the basics of dissociation. so now on to my system...

in my location and culture it is believed that every system has what my location \ culture calls the host (the physical body, the one born to the body)with some people who undergo the extreme trauma that causes DID their physical body is there because thats where everyone (the alters and one born to the body ) with in resides. but in extremely rare cases the person born to the body has been so traumatized by the extreme trauma needed to create DID in very young children (my location statistics\demographics under the age of 5) that their born to the body person is very well hidden and in many cases unknown to the rest of the system.

I (amanda) was the host (the physical body/ one born to the body.) I was the one diagnosed with DID and the one that was in control unless I dissociated due to being triggered.

As a result of being triggered I would dissociate into which ever alter who's job, purpose, reason for being was to handle that....

example when ever i got triggered and dissociated due to intimacy my alter thelma was in control.

another example when ever I got triggered and dissociated due to being over excited, and other positive emotions my alter sunny took control of the body.

another example when ever I got triggered and dissociated due to anger my alter red took over.

another example when ever I got triggered and dissociated due to sadness, depression, grief needing to cry my alter Rainy would take control of the body.

what did my alters look like...sorry cant tell you that for I did not visually see my alters. when I did see alters my treatment providers called that psychosis/hallucinations\delusional thoughts. the belief was and is in my location people with DID can not see their alters. the alters are inside us not outside. even when a dissociative looks in the mirror what they see is not the alter inside. they see the physical body that everyone resides with in. sometimes that physical body doesnt feel right or a feeling that it should look differently but its not like you see in movies where they portray a persons physical body morphs or shape shifts into a completely different persons body. there are subtle changes like how a person moves, behaves, talks, breaths....while in control of the body but the physical body does not suddenly revert to a 2, 3 4 year old body. a person who is say 50 and they switch into an alter that is 8 is still going to look like a 50 year old because they are in a 50 year old body. therefore I can tell you when I dissociated into an alter i still looked how ever age and physical appearance that i had normally.

thats not saying each of my alters didnt have their own preferences for things like make up, clothing and such because they did. as thelma I wore a great deal more make up than I did as for example rainy. each of my alters had their own way of being.

what was their function....each of my alters were created under extreme abuse which means they each had their own job, purpose for being created. how they functioned was based on this and what triggered me to dissociate...

if I was afraid of the dark the alters who's job, purpose was to handle being in the dark took over...

When I meant main alter I meant the one that comes out the most. I had seen some videos on people who DID. Sometimes there's a alter that comes out the most besides yourself (the main). Maybe's it's not politically correct but it's what's just a question to see what everybody's alters was like.

Well Hun, I come out the most because we are like un busy. Then there are times when you won't see me for days which is okay and a good thing because the others are doing their thing which means stuff is getting done. I'm the happy homebody relaxing loving my family. If I'm out, that means things are like not being taken cared of.

So, if you have a main, kewl. I wish I had a main, which means that one of my others is capable of dealing with life on its own leaving the rest inert. Unfortunately, everyone wants face time. Why not? Gotta do the best we can. Luv!

See, that's what I'm talking about. They're are people who have alters that come out more than the rest. It's not really main but the one that shows up the most. Maybe they are able to deal with life better or more than the others. I just wanted to know how what do they look like and feel to you so we can get a better understanding of what you're seeing. That, and some people can actually talk and hear their alters. Sometimes they're good at solving problems that you can't. I wish other people would post theirs. I'm just curious.

Well, I just want to clarify, some have a host alter...one that is out most of the time day in day out, that is the main person most of the time.

We aren't lke that. We are hostless....always changing.

You are asking for others to describe their host alter.

If you want to know, my others in their time is Steve who motivates, Carpenter that does hand on builds, Designer which does design, Steven who parties, Sarah is the cook, Mechanic fixes vehicles, Barbie and Freddy are sex gods, Rosalie is home enviroment engineer, etc.

Each and everyone of us shares the day, if not more others. I have switched out 5 times driving home just because of the radio and thoughts. It's so freaky!

Sure, everyone has their own self image, but all we know is it's not the one in the mirror. Unless it's total question answer time, we really don't care much because we don't see what we look like in the mirror, just the body...uck.

Wow, you have one for every job lol. Did they pick their names or did you? Mines names just came on their on and I can understand about the radio thing. Sometimes that happens to me on certain prompts. And the mirror thing... heheh. I rather not go there lol
And ok, whatever the terminology is. Idk. But yea I'm hoping others do too

Hi Miss Rainy! I love your picture!
We picked our own names. This ain't even the half of it with names. We got hundreds in here. Most are from long ago, memory alters and parts and stuff.
We have 25 named ones now, but there's only a couple that are really active. And yes you are right, we have one for everything! Lol

I'm just happy that I can help.

-Karen

that was the point of my post...I didnt have any ...one....alter that came out the most. I had many alters that came out according to what their jobs, purposes, reasons for being created (what triggered me into dissociating/switching into the alters)...

most if not all...people with DID dont have.... one.... alter that is out most of the time or more than the others.

DID is a dissociative disorder which means it relies on dissociating, which is a reaction to being triggered. a trigger can by positive or negative.

what that means is something happens (trigger) that causes the one in control at that moment (host or alter) to dissociate (feel numb spacy, disconnected switch into or out of the alters.

everything about my system was according to triggers and dissociating based on why that alter was created kind of thing.

example I was abused in horrific ways as a child, during that abuse I would dissociate (feel numb spacy,discoonected) as a result an alternate personality was created to handle that triggering event (being abused) from that moment on that alter handled what ever they were created to handle thelma handled the sexual side of things, red handled the anger side of things, rainy handled the sadness and crying side of the triggering event. from that moment of their creation every time I encountered those things thats who was out, thelma took control of the body during sexual moments, red took control during moments of anger, rainy tok control during sad and crying times. none had more control of the body than the other. it all depended upon what triggered the dissociating (feeling numb, spacy, disconnected..)

most if not all people with DID are like this simply because thats the mechanics of what DID is...a dissociative disorder.

there are rare cases in my location that have been documented that one alter was in control more than the other but again it depended upon being triggered... example I know someone who was working two jobs with a total of 14 hours on the job, one alter was in control that whole time because thats what they were created to do be the perfect little girl who could be depended upon to do a good job no matter what was involved. this person also only had two alternate personalities. one did the responsible adult stuff and the other did the down time, fun time stuff.

Im not saying it doesnt happen where one alter is in control more than the others. its just a very rare thing because of the very nature of what DID is.

It depends on what's happening. Right now, I am (Susie). I'm the main home bounded...lol
My big deal is love and calmness and playing on these forums. If we are eating gourmet, that's because of Sarah. The rest of us just uses the microwave. Lol

When it comes to work, like stepping out of this house, Steve jumps on it and motivates the group, the Ace Driver takes over if we are late, Steven buddies up to the client, and Carpenter does the work...basically.

Of course I've showed up at work to try some of it....it's like so hard, but I learn a thing or two.

And our day continues. So it's like, all the daily main players are like mains of their expertise. I so wish that we knew who we are all suppose to be. That was destroyed in the first few years of life. Our traumatic abuse lasted 18-25 years. So we are who we are....all of us!

Thank you Reminds me of Alice (the pic). And wow, I couldn't up with 25. I have five and it's hard for me to keep up with them. Some have sub ones? Don't yours have sub ones too?

So your main or original person is completely gone and the main took over?

I'm sure some are alters of alters, but I don't feel like mapping all of them yet. Our abuse lasted for 18 oppressive years totally withdrawn, then to try and deal with the world after that, tons of alters were made to handle the moment to moment coping skills required to successfully deal with life. I didn't start getting it together till I was 25.

I guess you could say my main Alter is Lacey. She is the the Boss she is the worker and this can be strange for me as I am male. From what I have learned is she came to me when I was an infant. Because that's when my trauma began
However the others work in groups of two one F one M The female alters look after the males as they are very damaged. Lacey I guess you could say looks out for me. She is the one who assigned the F to the M. It's very strange but seems to be working.

I know it can be strange when your alter is the opposite gender right? Yours work like mine, the female looks after male or the "boss" and the males usually get damaged.
Does Lacey have a certain look to her or any characteristics that stand out? And if you had her since a infant when did actually start noticing her as separate personality?

i have never had one that was around more than others. it was more a few of the same ones, but never more one than the other. i've never figured out what 'job' any of them have as it never has made much sense to me except i obviously couldn't handle things well or something.

i have also kind of not had them around as much as years ago, so i guess i kind of also forget about them until they are around again...but even then they don't feel like the ones i used to know...so i don't know what that means either.

i have also never understood how some people claim they can switch on demand. in my personal experience, it never works that way for me. it happens when it happens for no reason or a trigger response. but that's another topic lol

Alters can also be an escape route form the icky.

As far as calling alters on demand, it's a co-conscience thing. It's like "hey, you deal with this" or "present yourself". Our whole existence is based off of switching that it's normal for us to do so. We have no main. I hope that helps.
One time we were reading a list of our names like in roll call...that was one of the craziest moments switching with every name called from a list of 25. Had quite the headache and body shock when we were done.

yeah. i suppose everyone is different. i just thought that since it's a dissociative disorder, it generally isn't something that someone 'chooses' per se, so it would seem to me that you also can't just switch when you want either. again, everyone might be different. i would much rather have that than random though if i had a choice lol

but like it was mentioned about people making videos (youtube, etc.) and can just switch on demand or like a person goes to a therapist and then therapist demands to talk to an alter, etc. that kind of thing is what confuses me.

Awww. We are mostly triggered, but we're so used to each other, it's nothing to say "your up". We have no main. It's just us. Maybe one day you can fully grasp y'all's others? I hear that's when healing begins. Luv and good luck!

Well Lacey looks like Stevie Nicks if you ever seen Fleetwood Mac ( The Dance )
That would be Lacey. I started noticing in my teens. I had desires that I couldn't control like wearing sexy stuff. I would be in a total trance like state. Then when I would snap out of it, I was like what in the h--l did I just do and why do I have this desire. I felt so bad after so I knew something or someone was taking control. When I was in my twenties I knew for sure.