Hi, there. I'm confused about my roller-coaster thoughts/emotions this last week. I've posted this under Emotions Thread as well.

Let's go back an hour ago. An hour ago, I was fine. I wanted to talk, tried to socialize, both on and offline. I felt surrounded by warmth, comfort and peace. I wanted company, and was enjoying the company I have.
In short, I was ok.

Fast forward to now. I don't want to anyone to talk to me. I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm forcing conversation. I want to lock myself in a fortress somewhere away from everyone and everything, and just be. I want to be alone. Kinda like the way that princess from Frozen chucks it all to the wind, walks off, and locks herself away. I'm imagining doing the same thing.

It makes no sense to me, because nothing out of the ordinary happened to trigger that "I want to lock myself away" feeling.

It's been like this for a few days. Based on the experience of the last few days, I'm going to go back to ok, social, me in a while or so.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I'm not sure what this is, but I'm not liking it. Can it be two or more of the others making their feelings known? One ok, one feeling off?

P.S. Note, it switches like this a few times in one day.

Input of any kind would be highly appreciated. .

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Lexa2526

Hi, there. I'm confused about my roller-coaster thoughts/emotions this last week. I've posted this under Emotions Thread as well.

Let's go back an hour ago. An hour ago, I was fine. I wanted to talk, tried to socialize, both on and offline. I felt surrounded by warmth, comfort and peace. I wanted company, and was enjoying the company I have.
In short, I was ok.

Fast forward to now. I don't want to anyone to talk to me. I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm forcing conversation. I want to lock myself in a fortress somewhere away from everyone and everything, and just be. I want to be alone. Kinda like the way that princess from Frozen chucks it all to the wind, walks off, and locks herself away. I'm imagining doing the same thing.

It makes no sense to me, because nothing out of the ordinary happened to trigger that "I want to lock myself away" feeling.

It's been like this for a few days. Based on the experience of the last few days, I'm going to go back to ok, social, me in a while or so.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I'm not sure what this is, but I'm not liking it. Can it be two or more of the others making their feelings known? One ok, one feeling off?

P.S. Note, it switches like this a few times in one day.

Input of any kind would be highly appreciated. .

in me my treatment provider calls this ...mood swings....and with me it happens with many different things....depression, anxiety, PTSD, work stress, my bipolar disorder, ...gosh I could go on and on.

usually what helps stabilize my mood swings is doing grounding and medication changes. and changing the situation...if I get this way at work I take a break. if I get this way at home I go for a walk, go row my canoe on the lake....

before I was integrated, I once thought it was alters too but my therapist told me a great way to tell the difference...

when someone is co conscious with their alters they perceive the emotions, thoughts, voices as that alters, not as their own...
example...

Rainy is feeling...
thelma is feeling...

not the first person of I am feeling..

if it was....I ....am feeling - then it was a mood swing.
if it was Rainy is feeling- then it was co consciousness with that alter and that alters feelings.

its a reality testing thing, like knowing what is your neighbors feelings vs what are your own. people with DID perceive things as the alters or mine. after she explained this to me it was so much easier to tell the difference and at the same time explained those times as a child when it wasnt a mood swing but an alters feelings like ...

as a child I used to get so upset when my angry alter would take control and say something angry and then I would get blamed for it, knowing it wasnt me feeling and saying angry things.

my suggestion is try reality testing. it really works for those confusing times when trying to figure out if its the alters or one self.

sitting here eating a burger reading everyone's stuff. I've discovered that I don't need a trigger to switch. It just happens.

Sometimes when someone wants t express them self, they just pop out and say hey.

I'm discovering that everything is a trigger, even names, thoughts, smells, etc.

There's a revolving door effect where switches happen 1-2-3-4-5... Feels like electro-convulsions! Lol

It's like getting hit with a machine gun, rat a tat tat tat. They happen often in crisis moments trying to find the right alter, you do it, no you do it, no you do it...

Maybe ask why she wants out? Is she trying to feel?

Dunno though. This is more Susie's stuff. I just build things, but we all know what's going on. It's not that big a deal to me.

Hope you fig it out.

-Carpenter

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

sitting here eating a burger reading everyone's stuff. I've discovered that I don't need a trigger to switch. It just happens.

Sometimes when someone wants t express them self, they just pop out and say hey.

I'm discovering that everything is a trigger, even names, thoughts, smells, etc.

There's a revolving door effect where switches happen 1-2-3-4-5... Feels like electro-convulsions! Lol

It's like getting hit with a machine gun, rat a tat tat tat. They happen often in crisis moments trying to find the right alter, you do it, no you do it, no you do it...

Maybe ask why she wants out? Is she trying to feel?

Dunno though. This is more Susie's stuff. I just build things, but we all know what's going on. It's not that big a deal to me.

Hope you fig it out.

-Carpenter

Thank you, Carpenter. . Take care.

I have extreme mood swings because of my bipolar which is a cycle that you can almost set a clock by...every 3 days.

Another one is Borderline Personality Disorder which is actually a triggered cycle. I feel that a lot of bipolars are actually BPD, anyway, that's something else all together.

Maybe the sad self wanted to express herself? Wanted attention? Sometimes being sad begs for comfort. Maybe ask why she's so sad? Maybe make her day?

Just guessing, but it's viable.

I'll look more into it. Thank you, AC2.

[Kiya]

I have alternating thoughts... no pun intended
Sometimes I think of myself having alters and I can feel them come and go and hear their thoughts, feel their feelings because we're co-consciousness... until we're not.
THEN during a full swap I guess I AM them... if that makes sense. Like Sometimes I am me and mine, and then other times I am just Other. And I can be me with one feeling, then I can be Other with a different feeling.
This morning, for example, I was thinking about this thing with my mom needing to be in pt rehab. Even tho I had explained the situation well to the pt at the hospital, 22 (my Elsa from Frozen; ice queen) was thinking all these mean thoughts of "what if... I bet.... they'll never...". But I tried to bat those away.
I get to the hospital, and sure enough Mom's cleared to go home. Suddenly I AM Elsa. I don't give a crap. I stare moodily out the window, even though I felt good just 20 minutes before. I make my mom cry. I can't even feel like I can say Elsa did it because it was ME AS OTHER, vs me in the back noticing other alters in front....
?????
I haven't been able to shake that mood all day, even when they un-cleared mom and kept her there. (YAY!!!!) I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm moody and irascible. Likely exhaustion.

Meanwhile, when I read your title, I thought of the pic on the net of the cute white kitten with big eyes staring out the window with the caption:
"I really want you to pet me... but I also kinda want to bite you". Quite apt.

There's a man RN coming to my house Friday: just as the scheduler said "His name is ___", and I registered A MAN, she asked if I had any animals in the house that he needed to worry about... I thought of Thaila (wild Child) and her biting... I almost said "Only internally" but my speech was blocked with all the thoughts of Man, animal, Thaila... she had to repeat the question.
I hope I didn't get too off topic.

Originally Posted by Kiya

I have alternating thoughts... no pun intended
Sometimes I think of myself having alters and I can feel them come and go and hear their thoughts, feel their feelings because we're co-consciousness... until we're not.
THEN during a full swap I guess I AM them... if that makes sense. Like Sometimes I am me and mine, and then other times I am just Other. And I can be me with one feeling, then I can be Other with a different feeling.
This morning, for example, I was thinking about this thing with my mom needing to be in pt rehab. Even tho I had explained the situation well to the pt at the hospital, 22 (my Elsa from Frozen; ice queen) was thinking all these mean thoughts of "what if... I bet.... they'll never...". But I tried to bat those away.
I get to the hospital, and sure enough Mom's cleared to go home. Suddenly I AM Elsa. I don't give a crap. I stare moodily out the window, even though I felt good just 20 minutes before. I make my mom cry. I can't even feel like I can say Elsa did it because it was ME AS OTHER, vs me in the back noticing other alters in front....
?????
I haven't been able to shake that mood all day, even when they un-cleared mom and kept her there. (YAY!!!!) I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm moody and irascible. Likely exhaustion.

Meanwhile, when I read your title, I thought of the pic on the net of the cute white kitten with big eyes staring out the window with the caption:
"I really want you to pet me... but I also kinda want to bite you". Quite apt.

There's a man RN coming to my house Friday: just as the scheduler said "His name is ___", and I registered A MAN, she asked if I had any animals in the house that he needed to worry about... I thought of Thaila (wild Child) and her biting... I almost said "Only internally" but my speech was blocked with all the thoughts of Man, animal, Thaila... she had to repeat the question.
I hope I didn't get too off topic.

.. Thank you for sharing, Kiya. No, you didn't go too off topic. I'm just finding it really hard to tell which feelings are mine, and which are not. Today for example, I woke early this morning, so pissed off, and was like that for a good hour. I don't even know why. I had no reason to be angry at anyone or anything. Since when do people wake up in a murderous rage? Since 6a.m after the rage passed, it's been alternating between being on the verge of crying, and words echoing through my head "we;re fine. I'm fine. Stay positive. I'm happy, I'm happy." I don't know who is trying to convince themselves they're happy. Urgh!!!

And I hate myself for being so out of touch with my own feeling that I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling. Am I even feeling? I'm so lost right now.

First, I think I want to cry my bloody eyes out!

Then, I think, no we're ok. We're fine. We're happy.

Then it's starts again with urge to cry.

.......

[avlady]

this is becoming interesting to me, i dont know much about your problems and what they are called and what they entail, but it seems to be a bit schitzophrenic too. i am myself schitzophrenic and wondering if i have what you have.what would you guys think?

Originally Posted by avlady

this is becoming interesting to me, i dont know much about your problems and what they are called and what they entail, but it seems to be a bit schitzophrenic too. i am myself schitzophrenic and wondering if i have what you have.what would you guys think?

Hey, avlady. I don't know what I am. All i know is that i had to edit that post because they started arguing right there on that post. And that it's still going- Let me Cry. I'm OK, Cry, I'm ok, Cry, I'm ok. It's reached a point where I cannot wait to go home to have a good cry about the fact that this is going back and forth. I haven't considered Schitzophrenia. I'll read up on it.

Thank you for reading, and replying.

Originally Posted by avlady

this is becoming interesting to me, i dont know much about your problems and what they are called and what they entail, but it seems to be a bit schitzophrenic too. i am myself schitzophrenic and wondering if i have what you have.what would you guys think?

Hi miss Avlady...

I have no idea. Like every other MI, one is often misdiagnosed as bipolar, skitzophrenia, BPD because of what looks like mood swings, but are actually from the switching between moody personalities.

In my signature is the MID test used by some interviewers to determine dissociation and type. It works on a spreadsheet .xl. Feel free to give it a try.

I often wondered if I'm bipolar, but the meds are working. When I try to get clean of them, my world crashes down.

[amandalouise]

lexa heres another thought to check out. women go through various age related problems. one of them is peri -menopause, menopause and post menopause.

peri meaning the 5 or so years before a womans body enters menopause the body goes through a mess of hormonal\chemical changes in preparing for the onset of menopause. sometimes this stage can happen as young as the early 20's (hence the term early onset added to it that some treatment providers use)

menopause is when a womans body finally does reach the point where reproduction is no longer possible due to lack of a period, lack of ovulation, decreased hormones.

post menopause is all the years after menopause, in other words the rest of the womans life.

all of these normal phases of life for a woman come with various levels of rapidly changing moods, crying one second happy the next, for some people it literally feels like they are changing into another person or other people (hence the backwoods name for it ...the change.) for some people it feels like they have totally gone insane because of the rapid cycling of moods, hormones,...

there is a blood test that can tell you whether you are having menopausal (or any phase of menopausal ) related problems. there is also medications for stabilizing this kind of thing...most popular ...the pill, yes the same one women use as a contraceptive can also be used to stabilize all that is part of these phases of life. then theres also various types of herbals that have shown to help. your treatment providers will be able to advice you on which ones will work for you.

anyway something to check out...

[Kiya]

It is ok to stay in the process - without labels - for a time. Labels can be hard to change or get rid of. You really want to know yourself before you claim a label. (if you choose to claim one)

Originally Posted by amandalouise

lexa heres another thought to check out. women go through various age related problems. one of them is peri -menopause, menopause and post menopause.

peri meaning the 5 or so years before a womans body enters menopause the body goes through a mess of hormonal\chemical changes in preparing for the onset of menopause. sometimes this stage can happen as young as the early 20's (hence the term early onset added to it that some treatment providers use)

menopause is when a womans body finally does reach the point where reproduction is no longer possible due to lack of a period, lack of ovulation, decreased hormones.

post menopause is all the years after menopause, in other words the rest of the womans life.

all of these normal phases of life for a woman come with various levels of rapidly changing moods, crying one second happy the next, for some people it literally feels like they are changing into another person or other people (hence the backwoods name for it ...the change.) for some people it feels like they have totally gone insane because of the rapid cycling of moods, hormones,...

there is a blood test that can tell you whether you are having menopausal (or any phase of menopausal ) related problems. there is also medications for stabilizing this kind of thing...most popular ...the pill, yes the same one women use as a contraceptive can also be used to stabilize all that is part of these phases of life. then theres also various types of herbals that have shown to help. your treatment providers will be able to advice you on which ones will work for you.

anyway something to check out...

Thank you for this, amanda. It can't be menopause, though. I'm only 23. However, your post is extremely informative, and greatly appreciated.