My Different Forms of Dissociating

I am beginning to realize through my work in therapy that my dissociation takes different forms. One form is like a cognitive confusion where I can't follow the conversation at hand and my thoughts seem to be swirling around me on little post-it notes, like I am in the center of a tornado. Another form is a derealization where i feel separated from my surroundings. It has happened in therapy where T's face seems to disintegrate and his voice is not attached to his body. The floating or drifting dissociation feels like I am floating away or drifting away. Yet another form, which I experienced this week is a feeling of extreme exhaustion. I literally feel like I need to sleep immediately. It feels like someone threw a wet blanket over me or I am in a really thick fog. Finally, I have a fantasy life where i just drift off into a land created in my mind that has nothing to do with the here and now. I wonder what I'll notice next?

The more I work on this in therapy the more I realize how disconnected I have been for a long time and how creative my mind is at protecting me from feeling pain. The challenge now is to feel without judgement and without dissociating. Yikes, I'm not sure i want to do that but believe it's necessary for my healing.

Oh, as I read the other thread on ego states, I realized that my fragmentation is yet another type of dissociation. There are parts of me that I hold separate because it's easier to manage that way. When they are all together it feels so heavy.

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sister said:....The more I work on this in therapy the more I realize how disconnected I have been for a long time and how creative my mind is at protecting me from feeling pain. The challenge now is to feel without judgement and without dissociating. Yikes, I'm not sure i want to do that but believe it's necessary for my healing.....

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">yep. takes some courage to face the work when one realizes they've spent most of life checked out. certainly was a wake up call in this world when work began on the extreme degreee of dissociation employed for survival.

dismantling the degrees have been part of the plan created by therapist and self. or at least becoming aware and accepting before dismantling....something like that.

hey derealization and depersonalization are forms of dissociation my T says big deal its all the same to me

sure wish the adults would get it together and accept the whiney littles but they aint listening to me neighter so what the hay

putting us down aint the way to go quit with the labels already and get with the program dissociation works fine then do it and quit worrying yerself about it thats what i say

nona

All of those symptoms you describe I have every day. I used to think I was hallucinating when things would go out of focus like that, scary. I know the difference now though.

fgh said

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putting us down aint the way to go quit with the labels already and get with the program dissociation works fine then do it and quit worrying yerself about it thats what i say

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I hope you don't think I am putting you, or me, or anyone, down. I am just noticing how many different ways I have protected myself from trauma. Yes, the dissociation surely has its place and does a great job!

Best to your little ones!

Hey Rainbowzz,

Yes, the noticing is the biggest part, according to my T. I told him that I don't want to give up my dissociation and he said he doesn't think I have to. He said, just noticing is enough.

Of couse, personally, I would like to dissociate less and be present more so that I have fewer memory gaps. But, that's a personal choice. I am reading some of Pema Chodron's work on mindfulness to try and be present more often.

Peace.