I remember way back in the beginning when I was a tot about getting yelled at face to face and beat, I remember being blanked out and then I'd quickly emerge with a hand on me shaking me, hearing screaming at me asking "are you stupid? Is there something wrong with you? Do you have a split personality? Why won't you ever learn?" I'd be sore, trembling, fearful, crying hard. Out of fear I'd say "no" to something that I have no or a vague idea of doing.

I wonder if this is training to immediate switching today, instead of dazing off and coming to later. Since switching is quick, I'm conscience of the next one up, to then fade away.

Sounds plausible at least. I don't know.

Experiences?

[Shaly78]

I'm sorry you had those experiences. A good best buddy told me one time you don't look like what you been through! Try to get past those times of anger!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I remember way back in the beginning when I was a tot about getting yelled at face to face and beat, I remember being blanked out and then I'd quickly emerge with a hand on me shaking me, hearing screaming at me asking "are you stupid? Is there something wrong with you? Do you have a split personality? Why won't you ever learn?" I'd be sore, trembling, fearful, crying hard. Out of fear I'd say "no" to something that I have no or a vague idea of doing.

I wonder if this is training to immediate switching today, instead of dazing off and coming to later. Since switching is quick, I'm conscience of the next one up, to then fade away.

Sounds plausible at least. I don't know.

Experiences?

no I wasnt like this,when I dissociated no one knew I had switched into being an alter. example if someone was yelling at me and I dissociated into rainy they would not know it was rainy crying not me. no one knew I had switched so no one tried to get my attention. I did get yelled at for not not listening and such but again they didnt ask me if I had split personality. I was a child during the time when that label was no longer used for DID and mental disorder labels were not just casually thrown around at people when arguing or even in jest. my teachers would tell me to stop daydreaming and get back to work, my parents would say stop dawdling and set the table. no one in general used mental disorder labels unless they were a doctor, nurse, therapist, psychiatrist. psychologist. if anything those in my culture and locations avoided seeing and having to do anything with treatment providers including using the language\vocabulary of a treatment provider. occasionally you would hear a child yell at another child what are you crazy. but thats the extent of anything to do with mental disorders. even when I was in foster care and in therapy no one used mental disorder labels with me.

Originally Posted by newday7121

I'm sorry you had those experiences. A good best buddy told me one time you don't look like what you been through! Try to get past those times of anger!

Thanks, I'm past that. This memory is disconnected and lacking the emotions that goes with it. I am actually more interested in the actual dissociation process, and can it have any bearing on how I am co-conscience today and most switching is seamless and quick.

[IB splitting]

Indeed beat from mom and you know the worst thing from dad. I remember school I was sent to the counseler office because I had four puncture marks on the back of my arm and was bruising. When mom sunk her nails in there. The counseler says you bring your progress reports here from now on. Then says go to the nurses station have them look at that. I said oh it's ok Ugene already cleaned it with his tongue. (One of my Alters) he says well go home then..
I thought gee that's weird maybe everybody gets abused??

[Shaly78]

Alwayschanging, Role play with your T about this memory and try to get out of some of dissociation if at all possible....That is best legal way..If not a later time will be best....It is at a stand still those memories...


IBsplitting, sorry you had those experiences.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

no I wasnt like this,when I dissociated no one knew I had switched into being an alter. example if someone was yelling at me and I dissociated into rainy they would not know it was rainy crying not me. no one knew I had switched so no one tried to get my attention. I did get yelled at for not not listening and such but again they didnt ask me if I had split personality. I was a child during the time when that label was no longer used for DID and mental disorder labels were not just casually thrown around at people when arguing or even in jest. my teachers would tell me to stop daydreaming and get back to work, my parents would say stop dawdling and set the table. no one in general used mental disorder labels unless they were a doctor, nurse, therapist, psychiatrist. psychologist. if anything those in my culture and locations avoided seeing and having to do anything with treatment providers including using the language\vocabulary of a treatment provider. occasionally you would hear a child yell at another child what are you crazy. but thats the extent of anything to do with mental disorders. even when I was in foster care and in therapy no one used mental disorder labels with me.

Ya. You had to know my mother. I don't know where she came up with that, she is so backwater off the rice farm-literally. She's quite the dramatist. It was meant more of an insult and a form of degradation because back in the 6o's and 70's, MI was so like taboo.

Shame. Nobody knew I dissed. I even didn't.

Of course, I took it and said nothing but "no" for something someone else did, like I can defend myself against the Iron Fist.

The odds of us getting mental help was like -100.

Don't mean to insult, but those were the days when Ronald McDonald was the Celebrity Apprentice. Yikes!

[finding_my_way]

some of what i remember was just always having others there to some degree, hearing their voices, being taken care of by one in particular, playing with some, etc. one i remember more was an adult female who would comfort me/others sometimes at nighttime if needed. i never thought it was odd until i got way older (which at that point i forgot any of that ever happened).

i don't remember specific things that caused it or triggered things...i know what did happen over those years though to some degree......but i don't know actual times they were created since they just always were there.

it was never picked up on by anyone around me because the me most knew was quiet and shy (and anxious), so there was nothing anyone could pick up on. although, i did see some home video of me with some family members at a certain age where i was very outgoing and loved the camera...which is odd because i've never remembered being outgoing and in later home videos, i was not outgoing like that...could have just been that particular time though.

i can remember trying to sleep and having a hard time sleeping and this conversation in my head where someone said we needed to sleep or else the teacher would know something wasn't right and that would be bad..i also remember another time having to see a doctor..i had a few incidents of wetting my pants as a young child (before age 8). i did not know if it was just because i got too busy to take time to go (maybe since i do remember two of those incidents which )...but i had to see a doctor. i remember a similar type of conversation fearing the doctor would find out (what, i do not even know).

i also remember doing something with friends one day and then an other didn't want to, so we just randomly turned and walked away from them without saying anything and went home to play by ourselves lol

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I remember way back in the beginning when I was a tot about getting yelled at face to face and beat, I remember being blanked out and then I'd quickly emerge with a hand on me shaking me, hearing screaming at me asking "are you stupid? Is there something wrong with you? Do you have a split personality? Why won't you ever learn?" I'd be sore, trembling, fearful, crying hard. Out of fear I'd say "no" to something that I have no or a vague idea of doing.

I wonder if this is training to immediate switching today, instead of dazing off and coming to later. Since switching is quick, I'm conscience of the next one up, to then fade away.

Sounds plausible at least. I don't know.

Experiences?

[I'm Worth It]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I remember way back in the beginning when I was a tot about getting yelled at face to face and beat, I remember being blanked out and then I'd quickly emerge with a hand on me shaking me, hearing screaming at me asking "are you stupid? Is there something wrong with you? Do you have a split personality? Why won't you ever learn?" I'd be sore, trembling, fearful, crying hard. Out of fear I'd say "no" to something that I have no or a vague idea of doing.

I wonder if this is training to immediate switching today, instead of dazing off and coming to later. Since switching is quick, I'm conscience of the next one up, to then fade away.

Sounds plausible at least. I don't know.

Experiences?

I wonder if this is training to immediate switching today, instead of dazing off and coming to later. Since switching is quick, I'm conscience of the next one up, to then fade away.

Switching is usually "activated" by a trigger. A sound, a word, a smell, it could even be the way the light is shining on something that causes you/an alter to be reminded of an experience from childhood that that alter or alters were created to deal with. As an adult, when something triggers you, you do become more "aware" of the switching although you likely cannot yet control that. It's seamless switching, but switching just the same.

What you can learn to do for yourself when that happens, is learn grounding techniques that help keep you or bring you back quickly to the present. Some people keep a rubberband on their wrist and when they sense that they are being triggered, they snap the band to stay in the present. This is not self-abuse. Self-abuse is a harmful activity usually used to reduce stress or distract which in itself causes physical harm. Snapping a rubberband distracts from the triggering event which out causing permanent or lasting physical harm. Some people will choose an object to stare at, a soothing picture on the wall or something interesting when they are being triggered. It just reminds them of where they are.

But, technically, when an alter had been "out" and got into trouble when you were young, and the abuser shook you or yelled at you/the alter, that's grounding. It drew you back into that moment.

It takes patience and practice to learn how to do this effectively but it does help quite a lot.