[AngstyLady]

..........

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AngstyLady

I've thought of myself as having DID before in the past but wasn't sure. I used to drink a lot and smoke (weed and cigarettes) and drinking energy drinks and consume way too much sugar (had a sugar addiction- still working on that one a bit actually) and sometimes used hard drugs- I used to associate certain different altered states of mind with being intoxicated. Until recently- where I've felt like 'not myself' at times, and I continue to live the clean and sober life. So there might be something to that.
Like in the last week I've been not quite feeling like myself a lot- confident and sassy and outspoken-sometimes bitingly sardonic (I see it as a defense mechanism from being pushed around too much in the past)- and it's like, who is this- this is like the me that used to come out when I'd drink heavily- but apparently since I don't used substances like I used to this side of me is bursting out on it's own, IDK.
And while I like being vegetarian because I really empathize with all human creatures and am a pacifist by nature, sometimes I'm this person who just HAS to eat meat like I'm some macho man from an earlier century (this same person is very vindictive in a righteous way). This same person also seemingly randomly litters because in the scheme of things it doesn't really matter and I hate myself later and can't believe I did that. It's like I'm two archetypes in one trying to get along. lol, I don't know.
Sometimes ideas or thought come from nowhere and I can't always stop myself from saying them or doing them (rarely, I should say, actually)- or I'll sometimes have a random 'thought' that is not my internal thought- it's like it got inserted into my head out of nowhere -at a time when I wasn't thinking at all. I don't know if that makes any sense?

es to me it makes sense but probably not on the same wave length that you may be wanting to know about...by that i mean your post mentions drug \alcohol use and in my location the types of drug\alcohol usage you mentioned can cause the kind of things you have noticed. also something you may not be aware of is that if the CA in your location is here in the USA (many countries and locations use those same letters) then the first step to figuring out what this is and whether it makes sense is seeing a treatment provider to rule out your past or present drug use as the cause. the diagnostics for dissociative disorders state that the problem can not be because of drug usage. that means if you are looking into possible diagnosis treatment providers will have to look at and address that first. this might mean you will have go go a time without any usage of any kind.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact a treatment provider who can help you to get clean and sober then diagnose whether this is dissociative or not in you and how to best treat it.

[AngstyLady]

Sorry, I was trying to delete this- I basically had a long post detailing how I feel like there's two personalities trapped in the same body at times. I used to think these differences of personalities were due to being intoxicated back when I was using drugs and smoking pot and drinking a lot- but over the past several years since sobering up I've thought otherwise and think perhaps I've always been this way when I think about when I was growing up . . . . maybe I'll talk about it more when I feel more comfortable.

Hi AngstyLady,

I completely understand why you wanted to delete it - Ive deleted a hundred posts the split second before I hit send! But - I do wish you hadn't. I read your post about 12 hours ago, just as I was heading out to work. It made me cry because I identified with pretty much every word. Even down to the sugar! I didn't have enough time to reply properly, so was going to wait till after I got home from work - which is now!

Im sorry you feel lousy for posting. But please know you did wonders for me, by doing so. x

Thanks for sharing! I too have done the deletion process a few times- dot dot dot.

It is hard to open oneselves up...exposing ones inner self...thinking that they will be judged or ridiculed....but we came here for a reason, seeking some kind of validation and comfort for like minded folks.

I found just opening up and throwing it out there begins the healing and understanding of ones self. It took getting a little used too and was scary at first...but I now can't stop! I can understand your hesitation, and maybe hanging out reading may help give you the want to. We are all nice people on here.

We pretty much compare notes and share....we can't diagnose. I just look for the similarities and differences to validate something I've long suspected, and tips for managing this condition.

I knew I was a multiple long before I started using at 15...it's pretty much the reason I did start using (everything)...the prolonged years of abuse...the addiction gene...bipolar...as you can see, the cards were stacked against me...that's my life.

Hope to hear some of your story soon.

[AngstyLady]

[quote=amandalouise;4691635]
Thanks for reposting- I realized I had reedited it so many times before deciding to delete it I have a couple of fragmented sentences- I was trying to say that in the past several years (of sobriety) I've thought perhaps there might be something to it- I was reading this article about how DID can often be coupled with/confused with bipolar- which is something I've wondered about having as well- I don't know. Right now I'm feeling very collected so it's hard to say-maybe I'm just finally 'breaking out of my shell' so to speak (I've always been a bit of a wallflower) after using a crutch of substances for so long which really was detrimental to my development, who knows.

[QUOTE=AngstyLady;4693538]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Thanks for reposting- I realized I had reedited it so many times before deciding to delete it I have a couple of fragmented sentences- I was trying to say that in the past several years (of sobriety) I've thought perhaps there might be something to it- I was reading this article about how DID can often be coupled with/confused with bipolar- which is something I've wondered about having as well- I don't know. Right now I'm feeling very collected so it's hard to say-maybe I'm just finally 'breaking out of my shell' so to speak (I've always been a bit of a wallflower) after using a crutch of substances for so long which really was detrimental to my development, who knows.

Abuse vctims often to turn to drugs and alcohol to escape the pain. My others have experienced the abuse and are alcoholics and addicts themselves which in turn makes it so difficult to quit.

"I'm a believer in if someone suspects something, then they are probably right about something being suspect, because a healthy normal person wouldn't be searching for answers....especially on here." Dictated

On my bipolar....the bodies bipolar...it's a genetic issue. It has a cycle of 3 days...ultra rapid cycling...there is a mood change/switch. The meds stops the cycling, and holds my mood at baseline. When a depressed part comes out, that part stays depressed. It's the timing of the cycle that clues me onto the nature of its cause. It's a roller coaster and I can feel the changes through the cycles.

See, now I came out...I'm the clinical version of us all...Shelly went back in.

What clued me in on the bipolar is when I was prescribed an anti-d, I shot through the roof to hypomania which took a stabilizer to flatten me out. Bipolar affected individuals generally have this reaction to SSRIs.

Do you have a T that you can speak with? They can help you sort through it all.

[AngstyLady]

[quote=AlwaysChanging2;4693867]

Originally Posted by AngstyLady

On my bipolar....the bodies bipolar...it's a genetic issue. It has a cycle of 3 days...ultra rapid cycling...there is a mood change/switch. The meds stops the cycling, and holds my mood at baseline. When a depressed part comes out, that part stays depressed. It's the timing of the cycle that clues me onto the nature of its cause. It's a roller coaster and I can feel the changes through the cycles.

See, now I came out...I'm the clinical version of us all...Shelly went back in.

What clued me in on the bipolar is when I was prescribed an anti-d, I shot through the roof to hypomania which took a stabilizer to flatten me out. Bipolar affected individuals generally have this reaction to SSRIs.

Do you have a T that you can speak with? They can help you sort through it all.

I don't (have a p-doc, that is)- I'm thinking I'm mostly okay- I just have times when I can be more anxious sometimes-
though I seemingly haven't haven't had a problem being moody- except for yesterday when I went off on a coworker- I was tired and frustrated and she sorta had it coming- I apologized anyway though- I don't like when people see that side of me.