[borncatastrophe77]

So I have a question for you all. I have BPD, anxiety, and depression.
There is a very serious issue I have with memory. I hate to be graphic but there are certain sexual things that I've apparently done with guys in my past that I don't remember doing. Like I swear on my life that I didn't do them. But after having conversations with them, seperately of course, they confirmed that I did. They were not cohersed into saying these things. They said them on their own. I would remember if I did certain things with them, but I don't.
It makes me feeling absolutely lost.like really lost and confused. I've looked into the possibility of dissassociative disorder, but I truly believe I don't have alters. I do act differently at work, then I do at home but it's not to the extreme of having an alter.
I'm just so confused.
Any one who can offer any thing. ...please do

[finding_my_way]

when you say BPD do you mean borderline or bipolar? i know that with borderline, there can be dissociative issues. so, if that is what you mean, it is possible you experienced dissociation. i don't know anything about bipolar disorder so if that is what you mean, i cannot help there.

Were you partying? A drink or two?

To tell you the truth...I've got others that will do things that I'd never do, which made us popular.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by borncatastrophe77

So I have a question for you all. I have BPD, anxiety, and depression.
There is a very serious issue I have with memory. I hate to be graphic but there are certain sexual things that I've apparently done with guys in my past that I don't remember doing. Like I swear on my life that I didn't do them. But after having conversations with them, seperately of course, they confirmed that I did. They were not cohersed into saying these things. They said them on their own. I would remember if I did certain things with them, but I don't.
It makes me feeling absolutely lost.like really lost and confused. I've looked into the possibility of dissassociative disorder, but I truly believe I don't have alters. I do act differently at work, then I do at home but it's not to the extreme of having an alter.
I'm just so confused.
Any one who can offer any thing. ...please do

first let me tell you something that jumped out at me in your post...the word disassociative...

Im wondering if you meant dissociative.. you see in my location what you wrote (disassociative)means to purposely and consciously stop doing something...

example I just disassociated from watching TV meaning I purposely while fully aware and capable of making that decision and action shut the tv off.

Im guessing since you posted here in the dissociative boards you meant the same thing as my locations word ...dissociative..

so going on that my reply is dont worry about not having alters. just because someone is dissociative does ....not....mean they have to have alters, in fact most do not. only a small percentage of people who dissociate have alters.

heres why...dissociation is a completely normal thing to do. its a reaction to a trigger. a trigger is anything negative or positive that causes a person to dissociate.

in normal every day life a human being dissociates because of all kinds of things.....they are bored, hungry, tired, stressed out...gosh there are so many normal reasons why a person can dissociate. by dissociate I mean space out, forget things they have said and done while stressed out, tired, what have you. feel numb, feel disconnected....

directly related to your problem...well only your treatment providers or one in your off computer location can tell you whether what you went through is normal for you or is any number of other medical or mental problems or is a dissociative disorder. we dont diagnose others problems here.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact a treatment provider, they can help you to discover what this is and why it happened to you and how to treat it so that it doesnt happen again.

Originally Posted by borncatastrophe77

So I have a question for you all. I have BPD, anxiety, and depression.
There is a very serious issue I have with memory. I hate to be graphic but there are certain sexual things that I've apparently done with guys in my past that I don't remember doing. Like I swear on my life that I didn't do them. But after having conversations with them, seperately of course, they confirmed that I did. They were not cohersed into saying these things. They said them on their own. I would remember if I did certain things with them, but I don't.
It makes me feeling absolutely lost.like really lost and confused. I've looked into the possibility of dissassociative disorder, but I truly believe I don't have alters. I do act differently at work, then I do at home but it's not to the extreme of having an alter.
I'm just so confused.
Any one who can offer any thing. ...please do

At this point all I can be is speculative. Take the work thing....you can have a professional self that "presents" on the job and at home self where you can relax and be casual...a person can wear many hats and not have alters. A person with alters have an alter for every hat....so to speak.

On the sex thing, can it be possible of being caught up in the moment? With a few drinks maybe? Could it be something they wanted that you didn't like and you just went along and blocked it out? The brain can block memories from resurfacing too if it deems it counter productive or traumatic in some way.

You'll have to really talk to a mental health provider to help find out why things are the way they are. Good luck.

[Shaly78]

Examine your life using a journal so that your therapist can know what is happening. Then when your comfortable talk about it with your therapist, especially since there is dissociation in BPD. How long have you been in therapy? If things progress especially on the inside as a result of therapy etc then I would definitely have that conversation with your therapist. Research also will be helpful. Your going to have to discuss your head space also.

[borncatastrophe77]

I'm sorry that I went MIA
I am speaking about Borderline Personality Disorder.
I spoke with some one who has some experience in counseling and they believe that this is not an issue with me. He thinks that it's Jay a matter of me not wanting to access that info because it does me no good to remember it.that it doesn't fit in with the image I'm trying to portray so i choose to not remember. I don't agree because I feel like I want to know what is really going on with me. I'm confused and this is ridiculous. I don't know what to do. And it's just "boy-girl" issues in my past that I "choose" to not remember. My life makes no sense

[flockpride]

Isn't dissociation sometimes a part of BPD?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Isn't dissociation sometimes a part of BPD?

dissociation is something that is part of just about every mental and physical health problem and also can happen on a normal level.

in reference to mental disorders most now contain a diagnostic stating the problems/symptoms can not be better explained by another disorder. what that means is that if a majority of the problems are BPD related then the dissociative problems are considered part of the BPD. but if for example the dissociative symptom is not being caused by a BPD problem then its not considered part of the BPD. its a bit confusing sometimes.

suggestion to anyone who is having dissociative problems, if it continues to bother you contact your or a treatment provider, they will be able to assess whether the problem is normal for you, or is part of any of your existing or new mental \physical health problems.