[sinking]

I think my thoughts are unreal
I feel my feelings are unreal
I dont know whether they are real or not and whether i am real or not.
Its like i need others to tell me what is real and what is not.
Is this being detached from.... Reality? Me? My feelings? My thoughts? The world?

MY world is so full of stuff yet i see in real world they are almost nothing.
So am i living in a separate horror-fantasy world?
i feel so full yet so empty
So crowded yet so alone
I have plans... They should lead to peace and i'm afraid they'll only lead to hell... But i have to follow them... If i dont, then who am i? What do i do? Am i still real? Me?

PS. Flashes (unwanted images) of killing myself and others (that then become fantasies) that scare but also make me feel real and needing them to show me the way, and make me feel i have some sorta of CONTROL on reality, are they a REAL danger to me and others? Is it all just in my mind? How do i know how much my flashes and then fantasies will have grip on me and become real? Am i dangerous? Crazy?

Hi sinking, do you have any grounding techniques that you can employ? I know it's so hard and scary to get seperated from ones self, but the one and only thing that I cling on to is "I am".

If I wasn't real, I wouldn't be thinking these thoughts of "am I real or not"... you can't have one without the other. This one thought gives me a "reality anchor" from which I can use to find my way back by using grounding methods. I also know that my mind lies to me... telling me that I'm better off dead, the bipolar taught me that.

I don't know what it's like for you, I get just moments of it that lasts a little while, but in knowing that at least I'm real, I don't get to much anxiety about it. I end up feeling like I'm just floating in another dimension, watching and waiting, but not "lost" in it.

I hope you comfort in recovery.

[finding_my_way]

years ago, i struggled with similar things, not feeling like i was real or the world around me was and having thoughts that were very confusing. at one point, a medication i was on made it so bad i thought that i had to try to harm myself in order to find out if i was alive or not and caused my dissociation to get so much worse until i went off of it.

i also struggled with intrusive thoughts/images/fantasies. i thought that i was crazy, and they really bothered me. i had them for several years and talked to a professional once about some of them who assured me i was not dangerous. there were recommendations to help me though. but i believe for me, they were a mix of OCD and anxiety, trauma, and dissociation. they did eventually lessen and completely stop...but it also came from me growing, time, etc.

i would suggest talking to a professional about it though so they can help you sort things out. if you feel like the thoughts/fantasies/images cause anxiety and fear, it's more likely you won't act on them..but it's still better to talk to a professional who can explain what it may be and how to get through it safe.

[vonmoxie]

I have felt much more separate from the world in recent years, since I lost the two people closest to me, and sometimes

Possible trigger:

I have intrusive ideative type thoughts about death; not about suicide per se, but I imagine myself burrowing into the ground, like an animal that can't bury itself fast enough. It feels very primal.

I believe I know why I have these thoughts though: because my closest loved ones from whom I wished never to be separated are on the proverbial other side; because my connections here since have not as yet come to represent the same potency of connection, and so it's logical that some part of me would wish to be wherever my loved ones might indeed be. I honor what the thoughts represent, and think of them as signals to tell me that I need both to deal with my innermost feelings and to enrich my waking life, so that the feelings needn't become buried and dangerous.

I don't know if this will constitute a helpful suggestion for you, or if I am just stating the annoyingly obvious, but if you can sort out what feelings may be causing the thoughts, you can work on the feelings. That's what has worked for me anyway. I still have the thoughts, but not as often, and when I do I just sort of thank them or acknowledge them for showing themselves to me, expressing to me what needs to be expressed, so that I can know the opportunity to address my feelings, and I feel more at peace with their existence through being connected with understanding of what they represent.

I even think of deeper feelings of depersonalization or derealization that I've had as being natural, since each of us is borne of greater spiritual reality than our commercialized lives pay fair homage to. But that's just how I go about things.. I feel like it's best to work towards being able to lovingly acknowledge and accept every part of our selves, and to accept the dignity of our uniqueness.

As I also honor the uniqueness of your journey.

[sinking]

More than me not existing, i dont know wheter or not my thoughts and feelings are real. They seem real to me but when i tell them to others its almost as if i was telling a lie. So maybe i dont have them for real? I have tried to SHOW them to my good T and talk about them with other Ts but i always get the same doubts.

These intrusive thoughts you mentioned really hit me. Maybe thats what my flashes are? But they dont scare me only, i even feel excited when i have them, a mix of fear and sweet temptation to make them real...

I HAVE started talking about them with professionals but they dont tell me what they are and this bothers me.

I havent noticed any connection between these thoughts and situations and feelings connected to them... It seems they just happen! And i'm not even so displased by them... They keep me company, they show me the way for me...

Sinking, detachment is what you are experiencing. Sometimes we do that as a defense mechanism to heal emotionally. To experience harmful thoughts could be imaginations of retaliations of past hurts. If you can talk to a therapist. Definetly as for grounding techniques that you can use to keep you in the present and to focus on what is real around you. And perhaps talking with your doctor about meds might help as well. You are not alone. Keep posting here, we are a family who care for each other. I hope this helps. tc

[Icecream-4]

Hi I can relate to what you're saying. During a very early session with my T I asked her if I was a real person? She gave a little chuckle - but it was a deadly serious question.

I struggle to know sometimes if I'm right to be upset/ or cross about something. "Crowded but alone" - yes,I get that.

Grounding techniques do help but you need to really work at practicing them, especially if you're doing ok so they become a new habit

[sinking]

Yes! Detachment is the word. At least as far as it conxerns me, my feelings and my thoughts. Sometimes though, its the whole world or some people that seem unreal. And here unreal is the correct word.
Anyway, it isnt much disturbing as long as i dont talk.
What disturba me are these flashes or intrusive thoughts and i'm here inpatient and i dont know why, for how long, hiw its supposed to help if i only take meds and talk with no one really... What am i doing here?

[Fuzzybear]

[amandalouise]

first take a moment to breath. I see that you are in Italy. here in the USA dissociative disorders have a diagnostic criteria that says reality testing remains intact. what that means is here it is believed that people with dissociative disorders know whats real and what isnt. they may ....feel... numb, not all there, a bit unreal. but they know they exist, they know they are real. here in america we do have diagnostic labeling for what you posted. here it would be called psychosis (hallucinations\delusions\delusional thoughts) when someone has lost touch with reality to the point where they dont know whats real and what isnt.

your location may be a bit different. but.... if.... it is like america there is medication that can help you feel better, help you get rid of what here in america we call hallucinations and delusions.

also here there are many things that can cause the same problems you posted...like not eating correctly (many people with eating disorders have this same problem), depression, stress,...

my point only you and your treatment providers can answer your questions. my suggestion is contact your or a treatment provider in your location, they will be able to help you to feel better soon.

[sinking]

I feel a total fake, liar.
Un-real, not-here. Shouldnt at least.
Why? How came i got here?
What am i doing?
Am i real? Right? Is it right for me to be here?
Fair?
Maybe i shouldnt, ive messed up all
I'm not me this is not me yet it is, i am
They say i'm real
How can it be
I want meant to be here (inpatient)
I'm not meant to be here (alive)
Not who i was and meant to be
Nobody understand. Me neither.
Ive messed up big time all my life is a fake
How can i stand it? Make up for it?
Go forward? Follow the path?
What am i doing? Being?
This too acting is?
Total fake
Fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake