Scared

I dissociate quite often but the problem is I dont know when I am doing it, I have bought brand new things from the store and they end up missing, Like I threw them away, People have told me I have done things that I have no memory of, I get scared because I dont trust my own self, I have Cptsd and my therapist does trauma therapy, But I have only seen her once so far, I have alot of work ahead of, I also live alone and that makes me more scared, Maybe that is why I stay awake all night and sleep all day

my first suggestion is contact your treatment provider. short version in 2013 america changed over to a new standard of diagnosis, testing and treatment options. one of those changes is that people with CPTSD in my location are getting their labeling changed to Acute Stress Disorder (heres the link for the new diagnostics for this located at the bottom of this link ...http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/2192581-overview) and others which opens the door for more treatment options, ie more therapy sessions, different medications, different therapy techniques\approaches that can help with PTSD category of symptoms.

my second suggestion would be call your therapist or mental health agency to see if you can get scheduled in sooner. in my location we have many different types of scheduling (weekly, 2x a month, once a month, and emergency \cancel where people can walk on or call in and get an emergency appointment ), maybe your therapists agency also has this type of flexibility in their scheduling process.

living alone can be scary. some of the things people who live alone do here where I am located is locks on their windows and doors. if no locks on windows its easy to install one for only a couple bucks at any hardware store and if renting placing objects like coffee cans with marbles in them will alert to any intruders. a stick braced against the window frame in a way that prevents the windows from being opened. leaving a tv or radio on so that anyone who intends to break in will know right away someone is home and awake (even though you may be asleep they wont know that) ...my point there are many different ways you can ensure your safety while living alone. your treatment provider can explain more based on your own location, fears and needs.

the dissociating.. only your treatment provider can tell you what to do about this..

things that I do is...

making sure I get the right amount of sleep.
making sure I eat right for me (even things as simple as skipping a meal or not eating the right foods can cause a person to have dissociation problems)
Im on medication for my mental disorders, physical health problems and general anxiety problems.
I keep a daily journal where I plan my days and keep track of how things are going that day.
when I notice I have had or am dissociating I take time away from what ever is triggering that to happen (here in my location dissociation is a reaction to a trigger...something happens to make a person feel their dissociation symptoms)

Periods of change come with triggers.. i hope things calm down soon.

Sorry you're going through this

I've lived on my own a very long time and sometimes I love it, but sometimes I get scared too. I dissociate constantly, but I don't really know any other way to be - Im just noticing it now. Recently, something bad has awoken in me and things are getting out of hand. I have quite bad asthma, and twice in the last month I've had an asthma attack, grabbed my inhaler and sprayed, only to find the inhaler has been sabotaged in some way. There was no possible way anyone else could have accessed my inhaler, so it must have been me Its a very very scary world we live in. I wish I could give you lots of advice on how to deal with it. But I have nothing! I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

That must have been very scary for you about your inhaler, I am sorry I also use inhalers and I have a couple of them if I cant find one, Maybe you could have more then one

Yeah, really scary. I've tried to be stoic about it, but inside its all a bit nervy. These incidents killed my inhaler supply. Im in the UK, so I can only get one reliever inhaler on prescription a month. (And I have to pay for my prescriptions, so I can't afford more than that anyway!) I had built up a nice stockpile, when incident 1 happened. I threw that inhaler away, because it seemed to be unusable after. After incident 2 I threw that inhaler away more because I was so freaked out. That left me with inhaler three - which ran out, so for a couple of weeks I had nothing... with a chest infection. Fun times Anyways, Im back up to one now, and Im not using it very much, so hopefully over the next couple of months I can rebuild my stockpile.

((((hugs))))

The only way I can live is to live alone it seems.

In our system, it's like we all love life and the fear of dying by our own hands isn't real or we are not going to allow that to happen because for us, daily living is a group effort.

I've always figured that I had a rotten memory- things moving around or disappearing to maybe reappear later if ever, appointments forgotten, days and months slip pass, people asking me strange questions, parts of the day missing, live in a fog cloud daze at times, etc.

It can be quite distressing, annoying, frustrating, humorous, stressful, shocking, embarassing, dramatic, etc...and yes even scary.

But the scary part is in the not knowing. Now that we know that we are multiple, it's more annoying then anything else.

Keep going to therapy and I do hope that things get better for you.