[purplemoon]

Did your T tell you or did you figure it out. I have no doubt that I dissociate but I am not sure about DID.

i dissociate /feel fragmented.. today is a bad day with this actually. my t notices my dissociation i think. she told mw its related to ptsd. i never thought i even had problems like that. i think my t is open about diagnoses. im not as open about symptom though.

[purplemoon]

Thanks for replying. I don't know I know when I was getting ready for a court battle about custody - I briefly touched on the topic with what is wrong with me but I was in such a panic about it I could really talk about it. T did say I was PTSD and metioned something about Dependant and Avoident personality disorder, but I could stay focused nor can I bring it up again. I really want to know. I have a lot of funky things that happen but I couldn't ever tell T about them. I don't want him to think I am crazy. Although he tells me that I am not crazy all the time - my ex husband and a few family members like to make sure that I know that I am crazy. But I am scared and confused. I don't know what I am looking for I just feel so disconnected - I keep trying to reach things but I can't. There is always this huge battle going on in my head. It is like WW III in there. Some days I feel like I am 5 and others I feel like I am in control. Does that make sense?? I know what I am trying to say but don't know how to say it. Don't know where to post or who to ask? Just want to make it all go away.

i feel the same way. or sometimes like today i feel split from myself. I feel my head like clouds are feeling up the space and I cant think b/c somethinds in and out.

Sometimes i 'feel' the young child inside. She likes playin with my dog. She likes to sleep in small places, llike closets. I do it though/but i do it cuz i feel her. i dont lose time so i dont have DID. i think i have ptsd though . im not sure the otherness we feel means DID, but then again.. i dont know what is normal anyway. hope that helps.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((purplemoon))))))))))) It's so hard to trust someone enough to tell what's going on sometimes when your experience might be that some people turned out to be untrustworthy in the past. I'm sorry if that is the case with you and I'm so sorry that you don't have the support of your family right now.

If you can, make a deal with yourself that above all else, you will tell T as you can. That doesn't mean you have to tell everything all at once. Maybe just give a little bit of info and see how T handles it, see if T is trustworthy.

That's what happened here. T was given tiny bits of information, probably not even information that anyone else would think important, but as T reacted in ways that made her trustworthy, more information was able to be given to her.

Best of luck to you as you figure things out.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Purplemoon, I was DID for many years and never even knew it. We were doing PTSD stuff. (If you want to know why, look in my profile) I thought what I was experiencing was what other people experienced too. My T figured it out from the bits of things we talked about. It took me almost a year to accept the diagnosis of DID.

My T or myself don't like labels but having the diagnosis did change how we handled things in therapy. That was the good news. I was able to make more progress because he (yeah, isn't that weird. My T is a boy????? But the only one in the area that worked with EMDR. What a GREAT T he's been). Sorry, I digress. So, I was able to make more progress because he began working with the different parts of me and I in turn, was better able to understand how I was behaving - where the sudden feelings were coming from, the triggers, the chaos and confusion etc etc. I am still working hard at becoming a healthier me but can look back and see all the progress that has already been made.

It's hard to reveal anything to T, but I have found that, being as open and honest as you can, as long as you trust her or him, will help your T better understand what is going on with you, how to assess your needs and behavior and where you are coming from, which in turn, helps you to get to where you want to go - a healthier more genuin you.

Remember also, that it takes times. I'm not saying go in there and spill your guts. If you are DID, that safety mechanism was put there for a reason and tearing down all the walls at one won't do you any good. But, t will know what to do, if you are honest with T.

Best of Luck, SBD

[purplemoon]

Thank you so much - wanttoheal and SongBirdandDaisy. I appreciate your reply's.

I am so scared - I was very very shut down for a long long time. Just oblivious to the world around me. Know I am having alot of things come up and I don't like it. I don't know what T thinks or knows - he is pretty good at picking up on things and I wonder if he would tell me. I am not going to ask and he knows this - last week when I went in he told me to pick the topic and I was like I can't ever make my mind up. He waited to I picked the topic. I keep trying to figure out what we are doing. This sucks!!!!! Can I just go dig a hole and never come out!!!!

Does any of this even make sense - I know what I am trying to say but I am not saying it very well. Sorry if this is confusing.

Again Thank you so much for replying!

[RACEKA]

I'm in that same situation. I am supposed to start talking about past abuse on Saturday. I feel there are other parts of me. I don't feel my age at all. Sometimes I feel like a teen, other times like a 5 yr old. I also dissociate. I don't know whether to tell T about these parts or see if he figures it out or asks about it.

(((((purplemoon))))

sorry i am just answering this post. i hear you and i understand. my heart goes out to you. listen to your heart and reach out. i know the battle you speak of. i feel the headaches that cannot be deminished with meds but only with time. i know the feeling of family and the accusations of being crazy. you are not crazy. i know the feelings of becoming and feeling small and the confusion that there is. i also know what it is to hide so no one knows because they will judge you and tell you it is not real.

keep posting here and reaching out. you are not alone and you are making sense. i think i know what you are trying to say and it is okay. just take one day at a time and one step at a time. too many steps ahead goes too far into the unknown and that creates fear. each step you take no matter how small or big it may be, know that you are not stepping alone. there are those of us here that are stepping each step with you in thoughts and prayers. when it seems you cannot step anyfurther, hold on tight.

i hope you will reach out to t and just take it little by little. wanttoheal was right and taking time to trust is a good thing. so many times trust was violated and not safe. just give a little at a time and build that trust. you deserve that. keep coming here and posting. we are here and listening. we understand and care. we can step together one step at a time. i know you are scared but you took a risk and posted here. i hope you are feeling a little better and know you are not alone.

purplesecrets

[Kalie]

I don't know yet. my therapist asked me to go through psychological testing and the report is not in yet.