[just2b]

So I came here to post something, and before I decided to post, I read some other posts, and immediately could relate for some are similar to what I am about to post here.
First, I am so lonely. I have zero friends, and talk to no one. If I do begin to talk to someone, another part will sabotage the friendship or will become distant and stop communication. I hate the lonely life. I want to have a friend to talk to and go out and do things with, but either male or female parts push them away. I am tired of trying to tell parts that time is different now and that I can do this myself.

Second, I am currently attending school. I take an online class and in five days suppose to attend a class on campus. Suddenly, I feel this disinterest in attending and doing homework. This is summer sessions so the one that I am in right now will end July 24, but I am not sure if I will make it to turn in work due June 15. I did my project due for tomorrow with a "so what kind of mood" and it will come through in my work. I am enrolled in Graphic Design. I am currently having a hard time applying the concepts of design in my own designs. I just texted T today, that I am thinking of withdrawing from school. She asked if we could talk Monday. I am setting a bad example for my 15 year old son and 8 year old son.

Currently, I wish that I could experience the life of a singleton for a moment. Just to see how it is. I seem to be unable to keep myself present for very long, haha I highly doubt I am truly present right now as I type this. I dont know what are my own thoughts and feelings vs what is another parts. I dont know what it is that i want to do. I get these great ideas, as if I could do anything, and soon it comes crumbling down and I dont care for much else or whatever it is that I started. Its not part of my goals anymore. Jumping from one idea to another with accomplishment of ZERO.

Just wondering if anyone that works ....how do you do it? I already have my next idea to work, but I dont know what to do. How do you figure out what works for you and your system? I want to do something and not just sit at home. I am bored.

Otherwise I guess to those that can relate...I am one that can relate to you too.

[Luce]

I can relate to what you wrote, too. I am struggling to apply myself to study - had an essay due last week which we totally blew off - and am also struggling with being a bad example for my children. It doesn't affect my younger one so much right now, but I am such a bad example for my teen.
I have had days and days to get on with this essay and I haven't even started it (past due date).
I can't really give any advice about 'how to do it' because I know I ain't doing it right.
Just keep on pushing through with the best you can give!

[elevatedsoul]

i hope you stick around, i wish i could talk more but im pretty incapacitated currently for some reason...
i don't even leave the house
can't talk to people because i dont know what im saying usually, and i dont want people to hear the stuff going through my head anyway - i dont even want to hear it most of the time and try to turn it off but ... seems to just cause alot of frustration..

going to school is challenging, and i commend you for that because i really would like to go back one day... hopefully... maybe... if im ever able to not be afraid

having kids is a challenge too... so combining everything you are dealing with, you're just an amazing person that is showing resounding courage and drive...

i totally understand you though.. just hope that the lack of response and stuff here will not make you stop talking, i mean.. i would post alot more but i really can't think or focus

many hugs...

Omg hi just 2 b....

Working is a day to day thing.

I totally hold my breath as the Others do their thing and then do it again the next day.

Its a whatever happens happens kinda of thing for us because....because.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by just2b

So I came here to post something, and before I decided to post, I read some other posts, and immediately could relate for some are similar to what I am about to post here.
First, I am so lonely. I have zero friends, and talk to no one. If I do begin to talk to someone, another part will sabotage the friendship or will become distant and stop communication. I hate the lonely life. I want to have a friend to talk to and go out and do things with, but either male or female parts push them away. I am tired of trying to tell parts that time is different now and that I can do this myself.

Second, I am currently attending school. I take an online class and in five days suppose to attend a class on campus. Suddenly, I feel this disinterest in attending and doing homework. This is summer sessions so the one that I am in right now will end July 24, but I am not sure if I will make it to turn in work due June 15. I did my project due for tomorrow with a "so what kind of mood" and it will come through in my work. I am enrolled in Graphic Design. I am currently having a hard time applying the concepts of design in my own designs. I just texted T today, that I am thinking of withdrawing from school. She asked if we could talk Monday. I am setting a bad example for my 15 year old son and 8 year old son.

Currently, I wish that I could experience the life of a singleton for a moment. Just to see how it is. I seem to be unable to keep myself present for very long, haha I highly doubt I am truly present right now as I type this. I dont know what are my own thoughts and feelings vs what is another parts. I dont know what it is that i want to do. I get these great ideas, as if I could do anything, and soon it comes crumbling down and I dont care for much else or whatever it is that I started. Its not part of my goals anymore. Jumping from one idea to another with accomplishment of ZERO.

Just wondering if anyone that works ....how do you do it? I already have my next idea to work, but I dont know what to do. How do you figure out what works for you and your system? I want to do something and not just sit at home. I am bored.

Otherwise I guess to those that can relate...I am one that can relate to you too.

I can relate to what your saying. I tend to dissociate and sometimes it consumes my life. I have a part-time job that was tiresome and then I was going to school with at that time an 11 year old and a 7 year old. It was tough meeting deadlines and I ended withdrawing because if not I would fail the semester. I tried to go back the next semester but now I was graduating later and in a worse position. I was meeting deadlines there until I had an issue with a professor and I could discouraged and everything went downhill again. Needless to say, I wished I was more in tune and I should've tried so much harder. I needed up failing that semester and now I'm at a mush worse position. When I look back at where I was then and where I am now I get so depressed. My kids were there to watch it all and they thought I was the greatest things. They are not too sure of what happened with school and Ive never explained. They know we've been having a tough time overall. I think it's wise to withdraw if your head is not in it to prevent what I did. You can always go back when you feel more ready to. I think that perhaps we need to process things and give ourselves a little break at times and although it might seem like a step backwards it actually isn't. It's almost like stopping to catch your breath in order to continue with your goals and life.

[just2b]

Update...ive talked once already with my T about leaving school and she kinda talked me into trying to stick with it...at the time I was glad she did. About two weeks later now and I wamt out again. Assignment due tomorrow and really dont want to continue. Wrote T two emails and will talk Monday. This is my mind either adult mind or not doesnt matter, it keeps coming up and I am tired of dealing with it. Its disappointing If I dont finish but dreadful if I stay. ?.not sure what to do for the interest of all parts.....

[just2b]

so our talk...I was too dissociated to do anything. i wonder if its worth it? I said that to her, and whether she is correct in saying, this isnt the adult mind, or not I still hate it. Hate that she questions me or ...I dont know. I am not sure where I am and maybe she is right it wasnt my adult mind, but its part of my thinking, so it has to be right? I dont understand this and I am so confused, and now questioning why therapy? If school causes so much then, wont a job be worse? i cant seem to handle deadlines, and she would say to me, that is not your adult mind, well then, who the **** is it !!! Sorry, Iam so fed up with dealing with DID, and its damn frustrating. Maybe not go Thursday to T...I've seem to have lost myself in here, and maybe she is the only one that can find me???? I dont trust myself to find the adult mind, because I might just say something to agree with and be done when it could be a teen or young one, doesnt matter...I just want to forget about this.