thoughts on psychosis...

i want to say something... but im going to try not to say much... i think clearly i shouldnt...

its just this...
i may seem psychotic, i know i question the possibilities constantly... and it causes great distress because i am angered by the possibility of just not having a grasp on reality in-which is causing such turmoil...

so as one that may be possibly psychotic... in the sense that im so disconnected....
the sense that i have a hard time seeing the world as others...

its just that when i think of psychosis, i think of the very same thing... reality testing is an important feature to discern when something becomes psychotic...
the ability to derive whats real and not...

so as ones mind such as mine runs in circles... and loops things because of an obsessive nature... its easy to become confused, and to wonder, and to not be sure, and at the same time to not be psychotic... but simply greatly confused....
but when does great confusion become psychosis?

my thought has always been that psychosis was to be assigned to such a feature when one begins to have conflict with reality... you start to hallucinate, see things coming out of the wall, that is something i consider psychotic...
you start to have delusions, that involve paranoia, misbeliefs that your hair is turning into worms that will eat your brains... that is psychotic...
the delusions can involve small things unclearly which is why i struggle with the idea of psychosis because perhaps i am psychotic and i just am too stupid to realize it... being that i have difficulty realizing the true nature of my feelings...
but my feelings dont manifest into such great delusions or hallucinations...

from everything i have read it seems that great scholars have confused dissociative experiences with psychosis a great deal amount of the times... so it can only be natural that an individual experiencing either or would experience a greater deal of confusion simply because the professionals look at you like a wacko....
no offense to any one experiencing either or....

so my conclusion is just that...
reality testing is when you are sitting there feeling like a complete nutjob, driving yourself insane, but at the same time trying to figure out what is going on, asking yourself... why?
because during a psychosis you dont ask why... you simply react... you dont ask, you dont test... the testing is simple... its a simple act that the mind does on its own, its not something that we do to keep ourselves from becoming psychotic because thats what makes us not psychotic... but its what happens when you are not psychotic...
because the mind has its own reality testing features still in function and is able to naturally discern that which we see and consider as normal, real, natural... from that which would be considered abnormal, scary, frightnening, life threatening, imagined in the sense that it is about to take us on in the way that we cant prevent with no ability to say that you are part of me or that you are not real....

dont know how much that makes sense... my mind is numb now... so im just trying be conservative...
i absolutely adore psychology...

sorry about posting a separate thread on reality testing, but i couldn't reply on another thread... and i do think about this feature quite often...

ugh, my big problem with this is people on the outsized have to tell you you are psychotic...

i tell you, i have almost been killed by a severely psychotic step brother multiple times, i know a little about psychosis and how delusions can be created, am i angry at him? no, am i angry at his disease? yes!!! he is sick beyond limits and should not be allowed into public until they help him but they wont help him they lock him up for some years and let him out so hea can repeat same things and lock him up but wont put him into a place that can help him, the poor soul has to be as miserable as i am because h has tryied to kill me and my family so many times i just cant imagine how many times he has wanted to kill himselves and not been able to because of other delusions.... ok??? ok???? you know??

when you walk into a house and the walls are painted with wild and crazy symbols that seem to appear to be satanic and you look around trying to find out what the **** is hatppening you automatiicaly know that hey this mother ****er is here in the bushes trying to wait for us to stop being scared to pop up and scare the **** out of you again before he tries to kill you !!

also guess what???
they are going to release him again in 2 months, welcome back paranoia, welcome back insomnia, welcome back mother ****ing death, im goinna make sure it stops this time with me or him if someone else doesn not

((((((hugs)))))))))

you certainly sound angry about this, and i don't blame you

we are here when ever you need us!

That sounds absolutely terrifying.

Does he know where you live, and if so - is it possible to move? Are there things you can put in place to keep safe?

its wack when you know you posted something but you know cant exactly remember the content
i dont talk to anyone about stuff, talking doesnt help... action is what makes a difference... need action.. not talk...

these things are my normal... growing up being constantly threatened your existence... even as an adult your existence continues to be threatened, if not by the hands of the others... then by the world within... guess you just get programmed to carry such a scary place around with you all the time, but fear leaves... you are afraid, but its not fear, you are beyond that and what you feel is something that goes to some other lengths.. life, life is what people take for advantage, they dont realize how soon that which they dont even acknoledge can be strangled out of you or beaten and stabbed or drowned to the sense of you not knowing... how could i of thought it would just go away?
dumb dumb dumb dumb... but im not here to cry or complain and im definitely not here to tell a story of a pathetic life existence that would only cause other problems... so im sorry about saying this stuff, didnt mean to..

it gets hard to know how much to say when what you see is something that would terrify someone else but your norm... so you cant say anything, because you know its not ok to talk about - and thats fine, i dont want anyone else to know..

there is nothing i can do besides continue... if i dont die myself, take myself out, or have someone else do it for me, hopefully maybe i can learn what it is to really be happy some day, its something that i thought about since i was a little boy... but i was also taught not to expect things, things dont come... things are not for your benefit, what you receive is not going to make you feel better, expect the worse... prepare for the worse... the worse is yet to come... so just dont forget to keep yourself safe... life is something that should not be contaminated by something so toxic, something so ugly... i try to do what i can with what i have, even within such a pathetic being... i never asked to be born... but i know that i probably saved others lives being alive so i am just some what happy that the others can be happy... i know i cant rest till its over, and im going to do what i can to make sure it ends... certainly cant live like this...


there isn't really anyway i can do anything about anything.. i dont have any options, i am stuck, i am trapped.. i could ask to try to get a restraining order, but it wont work because i live here and they probably wont help me do it because they're like... why? and im like... are you more crazy than i...? they ignore these things... and i dont know why or how they can let a monster get away with what they do... but its what happens when you have no where else to go... and thats fine...
some people just ... im not even going to say any more about it - i shouldnt be here

sorry, dont worry about this person, everything is fine..

i just wish that sometimes it all was a psychosis, sometimes reality is more scary than any psychosis... and i cant be blessed with just hallucinations and fake existence of delusions that are not real and cant hurt me.. so much easier to just take a bunch of antipsychotics to make the delusions go away, but when they are not delusions the only thing it does is make things worse

ugh... this is why i dont want to talk anymore... people think you are pathetic... you cant just say this stuff... but when you havent even touched the surface and you have already said too much, who is there that you can talk to?
some say GOD.... but god abandoned me many years ago... not even that, because it would constitute that he or she is real and has been watching me... and even if he or she is real, pretty sure they wouldn't watch a pathetic life like this... but theres nothing you can do... just have to stop...

dont mean to be offensive about god, dont take me the wrong way...

things cant end when they ended when the began, things cant begin when the end was the beginning... so might as well just give up...
im so tired... i need to rest so bad... an spiritual rest...

my thoughts on psychosis are not the absolute truth clearly... because what i have seen goes to levels beyond things that what i think is normal psychosis so just dont pay any attention to any of this...
if there are gods, then satan himself wants me to turn myself down and give in to that which would consume me... but thats if... and i doubt it... because im a no body...

sorry about mentioning any of those things... dunno why i posted this thread...
what an idiot... in no way is any of it helpful... sorry...

funny how people can look at me and talk to me and not notice anything at all... guess that should prove to me how ridiculous it all is... but even if someone did notice, which they cant and never will, i would not talk about it

stay well...