questions: dissociative disorders version

rock.

do you eat salad?

I do eat salad! I love salad!

My mind is a total blank.

What's a good next question?

is everyone happy with being part of a system?

(anyone wanting to be free of the body)

I'm still trying to sort it out. I'm very thankful for the things my parts were there to protect me from. I'm still trying to figure out how to make us one and think with safety.

Am I happy being a part of a system?

I believe everyone has a system but I believe the people I have found here have a very protective system. I wish mine was not that way. But. It is.

Yes. I'm happy being a part of a system. I'm very happy that I have discovered my system and I'm learning how we work together. I would not have made it without it.

Sorry such a ramble answer. It's where I'm at right now.

Do you like the interstate, getting there as quickly as possible, or back roads and enjoying the scenery, no matter the time?

we're in the UK, no such thing as an interstate.

(maybe their is, we just call it something else)

but in either case.. not left the house in ages so neither
are their parts of you you are finding hard to reach (or hard to talk to)

Yes.
There are some that are very separated from me.

How long have you spent in therapy, total?

Off and on, since I was 12, counting on years about 6 years total. Current T is longest continuous T, going on 2 years. We are finally getting to understand each other and talk about real stuff.

If you could have one wish for free, what would it be?

My wish would be that everything that I've experienced and the person it has made me to be, would have a purpose. A good one. For a reason. My heart believes it to be true, so I guess that's not really a wish.

I would wish that I could be at the end off this and be whole and safe. I would feel confident in who I was made to be without the baggage of this and the need/compulsion of unpacking it and sorting it out. I guess in wishing that, I would loose the insights and growing that come with it.

Well. My wish at no cost would be, to be where I am, and in that place that I am. That sounds not logical to me too. Right?

That is my wish at no cost.

On the same note.....

If you could go back and give yourself advice, what should your advice be to yourself?

something along the lines of..

so you thought your childhood was bad. well, brace yourself for what's to come.

do you have a motto in life?

Well, it's actually a quote, but it has become my motto for now.

"What is denied cannot be healed."
- Brennan Manning

It spoke such truth to me, in the place I'm in right now.

What do you desire the most revelation of, in your life right now?

a purpose.

we have actually no clue what we want

none

do you/ any parts have any concerns about the system?

I guess just trying to figure it out. The system. I have a desire/concern to understand different parts of me and why they do what they do. I get so caught in trying to logistically figure it out that I stop listening and journaling. That seems to be where the major understanding comes.

There is a very strong analytical part of me that is always trying to understand and make sense of things.

Rambling. Sorry.

What part of you is most dominant?

Me, I guess. I haven't been lately, which has been problematic. But I feel it shifting back to how it needs to be, now.

Same question for next person, because I cannot think of anything. Sorry.

our most dominant part is probably natalie (system protector)

but me (emily), comes in at a close second.

do your littles get enough time out?, or do they sometimes wish for more

A particular group of distressed littles (but mainly one ) have been out too much, wish I could stop it, *I* need to be out not them. Wish I had enough time to deal with all the things I need to be taking care of (and am failing at) right now - too many outer world things to do, too much inner distress that I don't have time to address that is mucking things up.

Do you panic about time?

sometimes it feels safer on the inside, even though you know you have to do stuff outside

outside people and outside experiences can go to hell at times

but then again, so can the inside

but at least on the inside you're not on the outside.... oh forget itt.

and at least on the outside you're not on the inside

yeah welcome to our world of crazy theories

we worry about time, especially when we've lost a huge chunk of it.

are you clear about who the host is?

(this is our latest struggle so thought we'd ask)

I don't really go along with the concept of a 'host'. If one is a 'host' it means all the others are nothing but parasites, right?
Equal rights, honors and responsibilities for all, I say.

Have you had enough?

yes

of the god dam lost time, and this god dam life (it sucks donkeyballs, really it does)



do you have any hope for the future, even if it's just tiny?

I would say that yes, I do actually have hope for the future. That I will someday be functional and content. I didn't have that for the first 9 years of therapy, 4 before diagnosis and 5 since.

Did you eat turkey yesterday?

no.

I ate... Um I don't remember actually.

do you prefer tea or coffee

Coffee!!! Well. I like coffee and love Cinnabon coffee creamer. I'm waiting on mine to get ready right now. Yum!!

Are you Christmas shopping today?

no,.

how much do you decorate for christmas?

I hate Christmas. Surrounded by reminders and triggers on the outside that flood the inside with truly awful memories. I try to go through the motions of stuff for my kids. Its so hard.

How do you help yourself feel better?

It depends on who's upset. Each one inside responds to different things. There is one who does art to feel better, another who likes to smash things (so digging and yard work is a substitute for that), another who likes to curl up with the dog, and so on. But it doesn't work if I don't find the right activity for who's having a hard time.

Do you like things to eat that others on the inside don't like (or vice versa--they like things to eat that you don't)?

Good answer - I am beginning to find different things to soothe different ones, and it helps. (just got home from shopping, to buy two more of a particular soft toy brand (hideaway pets) for two little ones who wanted their 'very own' after I had previously bought one for another one in their group).

I guess I haven't really noticed or paid attention to the food thing, but yeah, some eat different things, or won't eat stuff that I typically would. I guess a couple are still affected by an old eating disorder, too.

Do you have contact with your family of origin?