questions: dissociative disorders version

They mostly have their own, but a few of them share certain things. However, there is sometimes a big purge where one gets rid of another's things.

Do any in your system have different outside jobs/careers or educational degrees in different fields?

stacy is a therapist

she often tells us after a long day about everyone she's seen today in her office

don't think anyone else has though. I mean we have people who would like to do certain jobs (for example michelle wants to be an actress) and vivian would like to be a historian. but stacy's the only person who has the career

oh no, that's not true at all. yolanda can speak spanish.

who in your system is the bossiest?

SS, do you mean she is an actual therapist or do you mean an internal therapist... does she counsel other insiders? That is very helpful!

I would possibly say I am the bossiest one, because I hold us accountable for all that any one of us does and have high expectations for our behavior. But I am only the 'bossiest' out of all that I know. I don't know about the ones I don't know about.

For the previous question - our previous host trained and worked in a completely different field to the one I currently train and work in. And we have periodic purges too... sometimes there are clothes in that closet that we don't want any one of us to ever wear.

On a scale of 0 - 10 with 0 being absolute denial and 10 being total acceptance, how would you rate your acceptance of your dissociative disorder?

an actual therapist.

she believes she has her own office, her own list of clients, even her own work skedule

In answer to your question, i'd say a 7 or an 8.

what is 1 thing an insider has done that you really wish you could take back (because it was embarrassing, or wrong, etc)

LEAVING OUR EX-T!!! That was the worst thing that any of us ever did and it hurt the whole system in many many many ways. Nothing can change that back.

what is one thing you wish you could have right in this moment?

a KFC (omg i so want 1)

are their people in your system who really don't get on with each other

Definitely. This was a big reason for going to therapy. There is a lot of conflict.

Q: Are there any who have outside friends that others in the system don't like?

no, I can't think of any

though we do have natalie and stacy who doubt the intentions of someone the host (me), talks to on a daily bases- not hates, just doubts

when was the last time you really treated yourself?. what did you do

the last time i treated myself I guess was last week.

i purchased the entire series of the grand on dvd (and i've been wanting that for ages)

on a scale from 0-10, how much has your DID diagnoses changed your life

How much did the DID diagnosis change my life? Not much... we just kept on doing what we were doing before we did the assessment. The assessment that gave us the diagnosis was just a formality and it didn't change anything at all (apart from losing one therapy session to doing it, which was annoying).
The DID itself was kinda the game changer that set the course through life, though.

What is one thing that you hadn't already planned on doing that you will do to be kind to yourself today?

i'll watch a commedy movie.

find something that's not triggering and watch it

what is your current mental state, and do you know what is causing it

A very deep depression. Trigger is unknown. It's really bad.

Q: What is good about DID?

You're never alone?
You never lose your 'inner child'?
You have a rich inner life?
Through healing you truly get to know yourself in a deep way that few others ever get to do?
You always have others around who help you out in a time of need?

Do you like olives?

those are good ones!

but I bet you that even people without DID have an inner child.

No. I don't like olives

would you say you eat more healthily or unhealthily

I do think I eat more healthily. But when I look at what I actually eat I curiously find myself struggling with cognitive dissonance.

Do you struggle with sensory overload in public places?

yes, I do.

what for you is the worst thing about this disorder

For me, not having control over what this body does all the time.

When did you first become consciously aware of another self state within you? (ie: got to know them as a state distinct from yourself)

I was about 4 years old when my first alter came into being. at that moment I knew there was a me (amanda) and someone named Rainy. I could feel that she was not me and knew she was not me. my family also remembers when this happened as when ever they caught me sucking my thumb and said "take your thumb out of your mouth amanda" I apparently said back something to the effect of take your thumb out of your mouth rainy with emphasis on the word rainy. I may not have had the words DID, consciously, limited co consciousness but my reality was intact to where I knew there was more than just me in this body, just didnt know how or why because the how and why's were trauma memories that Rainy had that I did not have.

same question to the next poster.

That's amazing, AL, that you were in some way aware of this alter. Thanks for sharing.
I guess we don't have the same experience but I do recall several incidents throughout childhood when child host told others there were 'more of me' - she described it as identical sisters (as in they looked the same as her but were different people) but we could only ever have one of us in any place at one time.
I recall she also once told another child that



I think she was like eight at the time! 0_o The 'funny' thing was she thought it was just a horrible story thought up by her disgusting mind. Obviously there was some 'leakage' of information there, but the dissociative barriers still kept it completely separate from her.

So, same question for the next person still. When did you first have an awareness of other sides of yourself?

natalie was our first

it all happened on a playground actually. she started screaming and shouting something about a bouncy castle and started explaining that if i wanted to be on the bouncy castle by myself, i had to go their and strangle all the other kids and literally force them off

she's always been the meanest 1- later on also at school I remember a time where she turned round and punched our music teacher directly in the face because she wanted us to go to a career evening (the teacher did)

do you have more females or more males inside

I think we got more girls now. Maybe we always got more girls. I mean females they not all kids.

Do you got more adults or more kids inside?

more adults.
what is the longest time you have managed without dissociative psymptoms?

This afternoon while working out and slightly afterwords. The others were sleeping (dormant) and I kind of had to take it upon myself to get the daily errands done. It was more of a way to prove that I was able bodied and that the others could depend on me as a host.

If there are alters who enjoy fighting against each other within your system for control, do you and the others think you can mediate without your therapist?

No, nope, not. None of us enjoy the struggle for supremacy. There is a group of ones that we don't feel confident or safe dealing with alone because they are very scary and they overtake us completely when they want to. But our exT isn't available at the moment and we haven't found a new t who knows about dissociation, let alone how to deal with these ones. So. Yeah.

Oh, A question.
What helps you feel calmer or safer when you need it?

music by enya

our coloured lights

our crystal (now we have it)

looking at the pictures on our wall (we have animals, pictures from the lion king, and pictures of benidorm)

our stuffy collection (our stuffy simba and nala especially)

soft gentle sounds (like a light breeze, ocean etc)

do you have any insiders that are shy?