questions: dissociative disorders version

The best advice I can give someone else is to just be yourself. I can't count on my hands the number of people I have known that suffered because they felt like they couldn't just be themselves.

PC(windows), Mac, or Other(Linux, Android, Chrome, ect.)?

I use a PC.

I don't get on with laptops either, so I have a desktop (nice and secure, and stuff!)

do you have parts of the oppositte gender?, or are they all the same gender

no all my alters were female in a female body, though I did have alters that were straight, bi, and lesbian. the body born amanda (me) lesbian which remained the same after integration.

same question

All the parts of me are female, except for a part that is like a big brother. It's like the zip line that takes me "away"

Do you love all the parts of you?

No, there are parts of me that terrify me. I know that a few of them are just protectors but there are two of them that I believe could hurt someone or me. The others, the ones I'm aware of, I like and a few I'm friendly with if that makes any sense.

Same question.

There are parts of me that I love with compassion from a distance, until I can understand them and the part they are. At first they do scare me/make me anxious, but I try to offer them compassion so they don't overwhelm me, after I get past the point of realizing what is going on.

I want to understand all of them and why they "are" and offer them love. They desperately need it, and the ones I've understood want it, once I understand.

Same question.

I can really feel for alicia (wanting a mommy/ family figure)
deep down, I think all of atlantis wish we had better family

most of the other parts are scary though

natalie and christine are the scariest, and though she's only a teenager michelle too

are you okay about talking on the phone?, or is it scary for you

I'm not really a phone talker. I can handle business stuff over the phone and I have a friend who I can just hang and chit chat with about nothing. That's ok.

Talking/having a discussion with other people is not comfortable for me. It's hard to do that even in person. I'm not good at just having a polite conversation with someone. I just don't have that skill. I'm much more comfortable writing.

Are you skilled at polite conversation? Ya know, weather, sports, current events?

If someone we trust and are safe sports weather conversation can really be tough especially for system. I completely understand. I think it is best to start at work when searching in therapy who might excel and have more of a potential for safe interactions, although I don't let my guard all that much especially being very sensitive. I think that is why safety is emphasized in therapy when you are doing something for years and years naturally there is safety in speak in a dialogue about topics.

Do you keep alters in the know and play games such as where has today's clothing choice was purchased at? I try to make that a game that we are learning and understanding the selves for those us that have alters.

no.

we don't do that, and we've never heard of anyone doing it either

but it is a good idea, we suppose (what other games do you play with your alters?)

how do you sort out what you will eat that day (for dinner and stuff)

Seeing as usually we cook for other people other than ourselves we cook what ever we have on hand or what we had planned out. Angie likes to cook but only so she can taste things as she cooks them. She doesn't however seem to be to concerned with planning so that part is usually performed by MK.

How do you feel about blinking lights?

Blinking lights confuse me and stress me out. I also don't like multi colored lights. At Christmas, I like all clear lights and no red.

Do too many people in one space at one time flip you out?

yes.

I can usually cope with just 1 person at a time (for a very short time)

anymore then start to panic

do you live in the country or the city.

I live just outside of town. My front window looks across a street to a cornfield. I often see deer out there, which I like. We have lots of woodpeckers that come to our bird feeders. There is one deer who comes and shakes our bird feeders to get the corn and oats to fall out, and then she eats the grain. She is a smart deer.

Do you have enough pets?

I don't have any pets.

but want something.

something like a cat, or a dog, or a budgie, I don't know.. just something to look after.

not at the stage though where I can look after a pet (I can barely take care of myself)

maybe 1 day though. I do love animals

are you ever ashamed of having this disorder

I am not ashamed. I'm aggravated that there is no one here in my space to understand it.

My church friends think I should just forgive and move on. If only.

Ashamed. No.

Lonely. Yes.

Isolated. Yes.

Angry. Yes. Silently.

Hopeless. No!!!!

What would be the ultimate help for you right now? The place you are at, right now, what would make it better? What would help you to feel ok?

if it was possible, a complete life reset.

honestly not sure all the therapy in the world can fix what a screw up our lives are.

in reality, (I know that's not possible)



related question: do you feel you are moving forward in a positive direction?

I don't feel like I'm moving at all. I feel like I'm walking in circles.

Same question.

I do feel like I have moved forward. I do feel like I have made progress.

I have also felt like I was walking around in circles, and that's what it feels like to me right now. It's usually when there are too many things at one time going on internally. I just keep walking and eventually find the off ramp, and then I'm ready to move forward.

It may be at a turtle's pace, but at least it IS progress.

Do you understand things better as "facts" or as an analogy or story?

analogy/story.

I think it's weird how, when you try to talk about something 1 way, it's really difficult to grasp

but when you talk about something another way (the exact same thing), it's easier.

random observation of the day.. I am always making these random observations. lol

does your system just have 1 email address?, or several

(some of our insiders have their own email accounts, the dominant ones)

Two of us have e-mail accounts...but one is almost exclusively filled with Disney stuff. Okay, that and e-mails to each other.

Would you be friends with your T if you hadn't met them in that capacity?

I don't think that I could be friends with my current T. I think he has more screws loose than me and he doesn't seem to like me very much. I've only had one T with whom I believe I could have been friends.

Same question.

I would love to be a friend with my counselor if he wasn't my counselor.

I don't think I would know how. I've never known a relationship with a male person that I didn't think something was expected of me. Yes. In that way.

It would be so amazingly freeing and healing to have a relationship with a male person and just be friends. What would it be like to have a real relationship with a male friend who didn't expect anything sexual in return? I have no idea.

I believe I'm learning a piece of it with my counselor.

It's a good question. I'll pass it on

Same question.

probably not.

not sure it would go that well
we don't get on as it is, an that's in a professional sense.

do you enjoy long walks outside

Yes!! Most definitely!!

I love being outside in the sunshine. If it's cloudy or overcast I would rather stay inside because it's depressing to me.

It's beautiful outside right now. Wish I was out there instead of working.

Are your moods affected by the seasons?