horrible, horrible day

for most of the morning I was out, and when I did finally come to, it was like 4 PM and i'd just lost all that time.

no idea what happened what so ever

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I wondered, the language was different to what you usually use.

I am filled with sadness today. I suppose it is from emotional flashbacks of all the years of aloneness. I have four more sessions with T before she goes on maternity leave. I have only been seeing her for 8 months but we have done a lot of work together and she is my only source of support. A little one is terrified of being left alone with the abusers.

I can understand, completely, why a little one would feel that way.

Is there going to be communication between you and your T while she is on leave? That would give me comfort if it was me.

[Amyjay]

Nah it more a termination for us than "on leave". there is another therapist I can see but meh.
Countdown to self destruction is on.

flashbacks are horrible, Amyjay.

I hate when it gets to the point where you're just sitting their, thinking of how things could have been diffrent, and how they wern't, and how you missed out, maybe.

it's so difficult

I oficially have broken my own record for not resting.

*sighs*. I shouldn't be proud of it, the whole not resting in 3 weeks thing is actually quite draining, but it's what it is.

and it's only the middle of the week

and i've not eaten good

not slept or rested

not a good set up

I suppose 1 thing I have going for me today is that i'm actually more in the present

hopefully that will mean I can remember at least 1 day from this week

Just another day in paradise thank you very much.

[TrailRunner14]

It's not really my fault that he says our family is f'd up.

I say that and I own it.

It's been a hard thing to look at where I've been and then press forward for new things.

It's not a happy thing for the ones I've been catering to and convincing.

Just saying.

Tomorrow is Friday. The past two Friday's have been horrible days.

I have a plan if it goes that way this weekend.

That makes me feel good but also sad.

I don't want live my life like this.

I guess I just see what happens. My boys are with me and we are in this together.

I would be thankful for any prayers for how it needs to be.

How it needs to be for everyone involved.

That probably makes no sense but it is what it is.

Thank you.

[Kiya]

I hope you didn't act on that plan; I hope you are ok and safe. Prayers.

New thread is here https://forums.psychcentral.com/diss...ml#post5788008