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  #1026  
Old Aug 07, 2017, 10:15 PM
Anonymous48690
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I want a therapist....but I also need a truck and a new place to live.

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  #1027  
Old Aug 09, 2017, 12:57 AM
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IB splitting IB splitting is offline
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Whoa forgot I was on here. Still in therapy lots o meds doing ok I guess I'm still dealing with 23 active alters.
  #1028  
Old Aug 10, 2017, 08:02 AM
Anonymous32451
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not a great deal has changed since we last posted on here,
mood still low- and we're not really taking care of ourselves (I know we should, but it's like we don't deserve it). our days have just been well, to put it nicely, boring and a waste of time.

we've had less sleep than a night watchman, which really does not surprise us as we've always struggled with that

no luck with finding a new therapist, so far we've had 4 refuse and 2 that never even took the time to phone us back.

I don't think we've really been up to anything else.
Possible trigger:

Last edited by Anonymous32451; Aug 10, 2017 at 08:19 AM.
  #1029  
Old Aug 10, 2017, 08:14 AM
Anonymous32451
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Possible trigger:
  #1030  
Old Aug 10, 2017, 08:17 AM
Anonymous32451
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and finally we got the trigger code working.

don't know why it wasn't doing what it should, but yeah
  #1031  
Old Aug 10, 2017, 08:21 PM
Anonymous48690
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Yesterday was an emotional disaster...our neglectful son let our Chiuahua Cleo get out.....we went lunatic and kicked the kid out...the littles were freaking....a lot of screaming and name calling to this morning....

But we manage to reset and let it go.

Cleo is back and so is our son...and we are calm....for now.
  #1032  
Old Aug 10, 2017, 08:52 PM
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childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2016
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I'm so sorry shattered sanity about what your family is doing. I don't know laws where you are, but here you would be able to get a protective order that if they did come within a certain distance of you, they could be arrested on just being there. Some orders also include phone or text contact, but that's a little harder to get here. I totally understand the fear of the police as well tho, I just hope that you are able to feel safe from them...
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PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
  #1033  
Old Aug 10, 2017, 08:55 PM
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childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
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We've been having a roiugh time lately. Communication has become practically nonexistent. Either I can't hear the insiders at all, or the noise is so loud it drowns out the real world. Lately, one of the insiders has been cofronting with me pretty much constantly, and I'm getting to the point that I can talk with her so I'm not feeling so alone anymore, but it's still disconcerting to not be able to communicate with the rest of them...
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Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
Thanks for this!
Solnutty
  #1034  
Old Aug 11, 2017, 03:31 AM
Amyjay Amyjay is offline
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Sometimes I am so dissociated from my dissociation. Like I come to this forum as a visitor, like i have my sht together and I am just passing through out of curiosity.
Thanks for this!
TrailRunner14
  #1035  
Old Aug 11, 2017, 07:40 AM
Anonymous32451
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okay this tex box (new one at the bottom of the screen) is god dam annoying.

don't even think I can navigate the site with that everywhere
  #1036  
Old Aug 11, 2017, 07:41 AM
Anonymous32451
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ugg, ugg, and ugg!
  #1037  
Old Aug 11, 2017, 10:04 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Well.

Not a good night.

I was truly hoping for a good weekend. Why the hell does this happen every single weekend?

My oldest couldn't wait to get away from here. He's gone but still close.

My youngest just told me that he couldn't wait to get out of here.

My heart is breaking.

I don't have words.

I'm angry but I don't know how to do that in the right way.

This sucks.
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"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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  #1038  
Old Aug 11, 2017, 10:08 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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It's really shut me down.

I don't know.

Please say a prayer for me.
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"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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Thanks for this!
Solnutty
  #1039  
Old Aug 11, 2017, 10:59 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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I'm so tired.
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"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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  #1040  
Old Aug 11, 2017, 11:25 PM
Amyjay Amyjay is offline
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Saying a prayer for you trailrunner.
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Thanks for this!
TrailRunner14
  #1041  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 02:31 AM
Anonymous43209
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not a regular on here but dont feel safe posting this anywhere else so will put it out here
thought we were finished with the body memories and the need to process them but thats definitely not the case anymore
forgot how incredibly intense and painful it all is and now with 3 new groups coming forward it isnt going to get any easier anytime soon *sigh*
  #1042  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 03:19 AM
Amyjay Amyjay is offline
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Ugh sorry about that. I spent last weekend having physical flashbacks and it was awful. I had some through the week but it wasn't relentless like in the weekend.
There will be an end at some point right?
  #1043  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 05:07 AM
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Solnutty Solnutty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by childofchaos831 View Post
We've been having a roiugh time lately. Communication has become practically nonexistent. Either I can't hear the insiders at all, or the noise is so loud it drowns out the real world. Lately, one of the insiders has been cofronting with me pretty much constantly, and I'm getting to the point that I can talk with her so I'm not feeling so alone anymore, but it's still disconcerting to not be able to communicate with the rest of them...
I'm having a hard time communicating with mine too. I hate it.
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Crazy is what keeps me sane.
  #1044  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 05:46 AM
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krazy_phoenix krazy_phoenix is offline
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hi,

we have been away for a while, but back again (again, again).

hi to you all.
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Such Is Life
- Ned Kelly
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Thanks for this!
amandalouise, TrailRunner14
  #1045  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 04:13 PM
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childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Solnutty View Post
I'm having a hard time communicating with mine too. I hate it.
Its awfyl, especially knowing they are there... I really miss the kiddos the most...
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  #1046  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 04:23 PM
dlantern dlantern is offline
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Enjoyed a concert kicking back chillin wondering what the rest of life has to offer
  #1047  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 04:44 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Today I've been hanging out in my reading room, mostly reading on PC.

I've got tread marks from last night. I was told last night that it's all my fault that our family is so f'd up. It's all my fault. I've heard that all day in my mind.

Ya know, maybe it is. Maybe it is my fault that I have stayed and tried to keep peace and safety for my boys. Or, maybe that's NOT my fault because I never felt like I had a choice. Stupid learned helplessness. That rolls the blame to my upbringing. So. It's their fault! But. What about their upbringing? What if they didn't know any other way? Does that send it back another generation? Is it their fault that they saw no abuse in what they did or didn't do?

I feel numb.

This is wearing me out!

I don't really want to do anything but hang here. It's a beautiful day outside but it looks better from my window.

I do have to go and pick up some things from the grocery but I don't want to even get dressed.

Sorry to be a downer. I just wanted to put it somewhere.

This is not me. dissociative disorders check in thread #2
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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  #1048  
Old Aug 12, 2017, 08:27 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
Saying a prayer for you trailrunner.
Thank you Amyjay. Last night was not a good night and I have to say that I don't remember posting the comments I made here last night.

I do thank you for saying a prayer for me. It is gratefully felt today.
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Hugs from:
Amyjay
  #1049  
Old Aug 13, 2017, 01:17 AM
Amyjay Amyjay is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
Thank you Amyjay. Last night was not a good night and I have to say that I don't remember posting the comments I made here last night.
I wondered, the language was different to what you usually use.

I am filled with sadness today. I suppose it is from emotional flashbacks of all the years of aloneness. I have four more sessions with T before she goes on maternity leave. I have only been seeing her for 8 months but we have done a lot of work together and she is my only source of support. A little one is terrified of being left alone with the abusers.
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TrailRunner14
  #1050  
Old Aug 13, 2017, 12:05 PM
Anonymous48690
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I am tired. We are working 6 days a week....but was just offered to get skill training. The guys are going to learn AC and appliance repair which is cool for us because the job is technical and less physically demanding. We also get to be on call and work mandatory 7 day weeks during the summer months. If it weren't for this job....we'd be going crazy.
Thanks for this!
TrailRunner14
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