[Luce]

Hi I wanted to ask a question to you peoples who have alters. Do you and your alters have friends who know you are alters? if you don't have friends who know that would you if you could? I am an alter and I have friends who are alters too and I think it is pretty cool because we can share stuff and know stuff and we can help out our systems as well as just have fun. Like me and another alter the same age as me have fun and we know we have to be responsible too but its just heaps easier when someone else gets it, ya know?
So do you alters have friends who know you are an alter and what it is like for you and if you don't would you if you could?

[kecanoe]

My two friends know about alters but neither really interacts with them. H sometimes does and they like that. I don't know anyone else with DID.

[lucidity11]

I used to have work friends who knew me one way, and family who know me on way, and long time friends who know me in another way. I would never have them in the same place at the same time. It only happened once or twice and it was torture for us. I didn't know than we were a system. I never knew why I never wanted to have my friends from one part of my life meet friends from my other part of my life. It's like worlds colliding. No one knows we are DID. I have told my sister and son I have PTSD and sometimes dissociate. It explains my forgetfulness and anxiety issues. I have three parts who lived and worked in the world. They made the friendships. We all liked the friends they chose. And if we didn't, if someone triggered one of us, we'd drop the friend. Now we don't try to make new friends. We are social when we need to be but that is it. It's too much work. But we still have our long time friends and siblings.

Originally Posted by Luce

Hi I wanted to ask a question to you peoples who have alters. Do you and your alters have friends who know you are alters? if you don't have friends who know that would you if you could? I am an alter and I have friends who are alters too and I think it is pretty cool because we can share stuff and know stuff and we can help out our systems as well as just have fun. Like me and another alter the same age as me have fun and we know we have to be responsible too but its just heaps easier when someone else gets it, ya know?
So do you alters have friends who know you are an alter and what it is like for you and if you don't would you if you could?

I am a little confused about what you're asking, so I will answer both ways

we know someone who we talk to via email with DID, she has alters of various ages- and sometimes they do interact with us (so for example, alicia from our system might talk to cathy from their's) about something age appropriate

in real life, we don't really have many friends at all. when people do start working out we may be DID, it's hard- and we try and hide it from people. stacy has a few friends, and they don't know

our host emily, actually did get found out once

because this guy adam (an outsider), was talking to 1 of us about the greek gods, and she goes.. I like atlantis and stuff, but none of it's real

and adam shoots back with: yeah, michelle isn't real, either and launched in to a conversation about what he thought was going on.

very... um, well, surprised by the whole thing- we don't actually talk now as he thinks it's weird having multiple people

[t0rtureds0ul]

I used to get on with ex T's teenagers. They were cool, but he stopped them attending my T sessions quite early on.

[whispers_inthedark]

as i feel more comfortable with some people than others and as i feel more comfortable my alters start interacting with them. usually people i don't see every day (people in real life scare me a lot and its hard to gain trust).

[amandalouise]

before I was integrated yes my alters had friends but no the friends did not know they were alters. my alters didnt know they were alters. they didnt walk up to people hi Im rainy Im an alter inside amanda. they functioned just like any other human being. when I was in elementary school and high school, they went to school they did my homework they did what ever their sense of agency was. no one in school knew I had DID, I didnt even know back then I had DID. I just thought wow do I have lots of friends. how did I become friends with that person anyway, I dont like them, and I had friends walk up to me saying I liked you better when you were fun, other comments that showed I was different one day and not the next.

I was diagnosed DID as an adult in college and by this time I often wondered why this or that person would be friendly to me and they would be calling me by a different name, but again when my alters were in control and they looked and sounded like who ever they were they did not walk up to people introducing their self as hi Im thelma an alter inside amanda. they introduced their self like any other human being would by saying hi Im thelma.

the only time someone knew I had alters was when I chose to tell someone, mainly my family and my now wife. that I have DID. but even then the alters did not introduce their self as an alter. they functioned just like anyone else did.

I do have friends that have DID and they know I had DID too so of course they knew I had alters but again my alters did not introduce their self as hi Im Rainy and Im an alter. my friends and I did not purposely trigger each other for the purpose of alters coming out to talk with alters. we took great care in taking care of ourselves and noticing if we were getting triggered and if so we ended the conversations, activities to re ground ourselves. but on the rare occasions an alter would take control but again they did not say to the friend hi Im thelma I just took control. things just went on like normal people do things.

even now that I am integrated many of my friends made before integration do not know they were dealing with an alter.

[finding_my_way]

i have told online friends (and one in person friend) about the others, but they do not talk to my friends. sometimes some have in the past online or unknowingly i guess in recent years have with others in general...but they don't introduce themselves to people. they can mix with me which gets confusing..and i think there is something that happens when some get so close to the surface/outside, etc. that they don't even know who they are or something.

the whole point of the system was protection, to hide, etc., so they tend to stay quite hidden (except to me to varying degrees). i am not sure how much each one would be able to actually come out or share things about themselves cuz things tend to get very confused inside. it would take a lot of trust and the right timing for it to happen in general.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I used to have work friends who knew me one way, and family who know me on way, and long time friends who know me in another way. I would never have them in the same place at the same time. It only happened once or twice and it was torture for us. I didn't know than we were a system. I never knew why I never wanted to have my friends from one part of my life meet friends from my other part of my life. It's like worlds colliding. No one knows we are DID. I have told my sister and son I have PTSD and sometimes dissociate. It explains my forgetfulness and anxiety issues. I have three parts who lived and worked in the world. They made the friendships. We all liked the friends they chose. And if we didn't, if someone triggered one of us, we'd drop the friend. Now we don't try to make new friends. We are social when we need to be but that is it. It's too much work. But we still have our long time friends and siblings.

Yes, worlds colliding! It was like that for us too. At gatherings I like to play with the kids. That doesn't look strange at all right? I really like hide and seek outside. It is fun. When I think about being in an adult body I think it must look strange but I don't think that at all when I am out and playing and having fun. I am just me having fun!

[Luce]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I am a little confused about what you're asking, so I will answer both ways

we know someone who we talk to via email with DID, she has alters of various ages- and sometimes they do interact with us (so for example, alicia from our system might talk to cathy from their's) about something age appropriate

in real life, we don't really have many friends at all. when people do start working out we may be DID, it's hard- and we try and hide it from people. stacy has a few friends, and they don't know

our host emily, actually did get found out once

because this guy adam (an outsider), was talking to 1 of us about the greek gods, and she goes.. I like atlantis and stuff, but none of it's real

and adam shoots back with: yeah, michelle isn't real, either and launched in to a conversation about what he thought was going on.

very... um, well, surprised by the whole thing- we don't actually talk now as he thinks it's weird having multiple people

That's what I mean like when you talk to someone in another system and they know who you are and they know who you are.

[Luce]

I guess I am just really lucky that I got to have some friends like me because it doesn't seem like anyone else does here. I guess I am lucky that I got to have friends who switched like us and got to talk with us about all kinds of stuff and learn from each other and help each other. and go through some kind of the same stuff together like figuring out how to help little ones or figuring out how to help big ones and getting to know each others people and know when to step back and know when help out and stuff. I feel bad for you guys that you never had that.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

before I was integrated yes my alters had friends but no the friends did not know they were alters. my alters didnt know they were alters. they didnt walk up to people hi Im rainy Im an alter inside amanda. they functioned just like any other human being. when I was in elementary school and high school, they went to school they did my homework they did what ever their sense of agency was. no one in school knew I had DID, I didnt even know back then I had DID. I just thought wow do I have lots of friends. how did I become friends with that person anyway, I dont like them, and I had friends walk up to me saying I liked you better when you were fun, other comments that showed I was different one day and not the next.

I was diagnosed DID as an adult in college and by this time I often wondered why this or that person would be friendly to me and they would be calling me by a different name, but again when my alters were in control and they looked and sounded like who ever they were they did not walk up to people introducing their self as hi Im thelma an alter inside amanda. they introduced their self like any other human being would by saying hi Im thelma.

the only time someone knew I had alters was when I chose to tell someone, mainly my family and my now wife. that I have DID. but even then the alters did not introduce their self as an alter. they functioned just like anyone else did.

I do have friends that have DID and they know I had DID too so of course they knew I had alters but again my alters did not introduce their self as hi Im Rainy and Im an alter. my friends and I did not purposely trigger each other for the purpose of alters coming out to talk with alters. we took great care in taking care of ourselves and noticing if we were getting triggered and if so we ended the conversations, activities to re ground ourselves. but on the rare occasions an alter would take control but again they did not say to the friend hi Im thelma I just took control. things just went on like normal people do things.

even now that I am integrated many of my friends made before integration do not know they were dealing with an alter.

Yeah I don't mean anything like what you said. when we were at school we had different ones who would hang out with there own groups of people like we had me who hung out with the naughty kids and e who hung out with the nerdy kids and p who hung out with the kids who was hurting. But I don't mean back then. I mean once you know about system and stuff and meet others who have a system too and then share about different things , like you know normal people do when they find other people like them and have something in common. You know, just normal stuff. So you can be real and normal and allowed and not some awful secret!

We have no friends...and those that we did have shunned us and pissed on us away.

Having friends is a group effort on our part...you know the rest....

[yagr]

i am friends with my bigs wife

[Luce]

I guess I don't get why more did people don't have did friends. I don't mean that we go up to any old people and say hi I'm an alter. we only say about ourselves with people who know we have did like our t and our did friends and even then we don't actually do that! nobody else ever, with other people we pretend we are 'normal'. but I just don't get why more people don't be known to other safe people. like me, I've been around since forever and deal with heaps and heaps of things, like most things in life we do I do in some way too. so I am every bit as real as any other adult one or host. and I just don't see anything wrong with me being out and doing stuff or being known as me with my did friends. why would I pretend to be the adult ones?? That doesn't make any sense. I am glad I have friends who know me as me and like me for me too. and I am glad I know other did peoples and get to know some of their bigs and littles and that we can share stuff with each other and not feel so weird and alone.

yeah and I want to say that alters aren't less than the host or less than important they are really important, like I myself do heaps of life stuff and the big ones are not more important than me or have the right to be any more than me cause we are all part of ONE person and there is no part of this person that is not important, every part belongs here.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by yagr

i am friends with my bigs wife

that's good cause they know who you are and you can be you!!

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by Luce

Yeah and I want to say that alters aren't less than the host or less than important they are really important, like I myself do heaps of life stuff and the big ones are not more important than me or have the right to be any more than me cause we are all part of ONE person and there is no part of this person that is not important, every part belongs here.

That was really nice to read. Thank you.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Luce

I guess I don't get why more did people don't have did friends. I don't mean that we go up to any old people and say hi I'm an alter. we only say about ourselves with people who know we have did like our t and our did friends and even then we don't actually do that! nobody else ever, with other people we pretend we are 'normal'. but I just don't get why more people don't be known to other safe people. like me, I've been around since forever and deal with heaps and heaps of things, like most things in life we do I do in some way too. so I am every bit as real as any other adult one or host. and I just don't see anything wrong with me being out and doing stuff or being known as me with my did friends. why would I pretend to be the adult ones?? That doesn't make any sense. I am glad I have friends who know me as me and like me for me too. and I am glad I know other did peoples and get to know some of their bigs and littles and that we can share stuff with each other and not feel so weird and alone.

yeah and I want to say that alters aren't less than the host or less than important they are really important, like I myself do heaps of life stuff and the big ones are not more important than me or have the right to be any more than me cause we are all part of ONE person and there is no part of this person that is not important, every part belongs here.

Im making a guess that its because having mental illness is a private matter. here in america we even have privacy laws to protect people who do not want just anyone to know they have a mental or physical health problem.

its like people dont walk up to their friends and say hey I have depression or hey I have bipolar disorder, or hey I had a hallucination last night probably because I have schizophrenia. here in the USA most people become friends with people based on their common grounds yes but the common grounds are things like sharing the same tastes in music, or hobby someone who is in the same educational class. most people here in the USA who do meet up with people who have a mental illness its usually because they are in the same therapy or support group. then in this kind of thing there are confidentiality rules that you cant discuss what happens in the groups, once you are outside the groups. so for example if I am in a therapy group about a mental illness, what I know or hear about or talk about and everything others have said in the group is off limits. which means even if I would form a friendship with someone under this situation the two friends would not be able to discuss that mental illness issues with each other. it would be a breach of confidentiality to discuss what went on or what we know of each other from being in the same group together.

to most people that I know, in my location mental illness is a private matter, that most people keep to their self and their treatment providers.

I think of it this way I want my friendships to be based on friendship stuff not built on having the same mental illness together. example what if I purposely set out to have a friendship with someone who had DID then one of us (me) integrated\became one whole person again. that friendship isnt going to last because the foundation of both having DID is gone.

Im not saying I dont have friends who have DID because I do. we just dont make DID the focus point for our friendship. our friendships are where each person is responsible for their own mental disorder and we focus our time regular friendship stuff, what each friends hobbies, likes, dislikes, music and other things that normal friendships are about. our respective dissociative problems do not usually enter into our conversations,