So some of you know I'm going to Sheppard Pratt soon, but then afterwards they want me to go into a group home so that I can do outpatient therapy, so that I can keep myself safe in outpatient therapy while I'm working through the trauma. My take on it is that I don't think that I should be working on trauma therapy if I'm not stable enough to do it. I have heard, read and discovered many times that you shouldn't work on trauma therapy until you are stable enough to do that. That trauma therapy doesn't have to be retraumatizing. They say that when I go to work on trauma therapy that I become unstable. Of course because I'm not ready to work on it yet. Because they won't let me work at my own pace. They keep pressuring me to get this over with. I want to write them a letter.

Dear Team And Mother

I'm not saying "O I'm not doing this stuff" now. But I need you to listen to me, because I'm better at writing then I will ever be at speaking. I need you to pay attention and not get upset. I need you to put aside your instincts to save me. I need you to understand that I know what is best for me. I need you to believe that Jennifer is not always right, as much educated as she seems to be. I will go to Sheppard Pratt. And Sheppard Pratt will tell you exactly what they told you last time I went in. "I just wasn't ready to work on my trauma".

When I left there they told me it would take possibly years till I started to actually work on the actual trauma. Jennifer started after three months. I wasn't ready. You wonder why I went off the deep end. Why my parts started acting out, that's why. I'm a lot more stable now that I am not working on the trauma. It's not called the "stabilization process" for no reason. I should be able to handle being off medications before I even start to process memories.

If you expect me to go into Sheppard Pratt and you expect them to start working on this stuff with me, you're deluded. They won't. They work on stabilization. Just like my outpatient therapist should be doing. I'm not ready to work on it and you're not listening to me. I want to go to Sheppard Pratt, because I want you to hear it from professionals and hopefully they can have a handle in finding me a better, more educated therapist in the world of DID.

You wish for me to be going into this group home so that I can work on this trauma but if I'm not stable enough to be doing it on my own, then I'm not stable enough period and therefore you are re-traumatizing me with this work and that's not how it's supposed to be. I need more time spent in stabilization, learning coping mechanisms. I think that wasn't made very clear coming out of Sheppard Pratt, so yes I will go back so that this can be made more clear. I'm not saying that I absolutely will not go into a group home. I am saying we will see what Sheppard Pratt has to say. They are the experts.

For the mean time I will not be told I just don't want to work on something, that I'm putting it off. Are you nuts? Girls spends YEARS in the stabilization process, stop pushing me through it. I will work at my own pace, as slowly and as non painfully as I wish. This is my life. This is my future. Not yours.

[mlyn]

amen! pushing us through is deffinately un productive. hope all works out well for you all.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

So some of you know I'm going to Sheppard Pratt soon, but then afterwards they want me to go into a group home so that I can do outpatient therapy, so that I can keep myself safe in outpatient therapy while I'm working through the trauma. My take on it is that I don't think that I should be working on trauma therapy if I'm not stable enough to do it. I have heard, read and discovered many times that you shouldn't work on trauma therapy until you are stable enough to do that. That trauma therapy doesn't have to be retraumatizing. They say that when I go to work on trauma therapy that I become unstable. Of course because I'm not ready to work on it yet. Because they won't let me work at my own pace. They keep pressuring me to get this over with. I want to write them a letter.

Dear Team And Mother

I'm not saying "O I'm not doing this stuff" now. But I need you to listen to me, because I'm better at writing then I will ever be at speaking. I need you to pay attention and not get upset. I need you to put aside your instincts to save me. I need you to understand that I know what is best for me. I need you to believe that Jennifer is not always right, as much educated as she seems to be. I will go to Sheppard Pratt. And Sheppard Pratt will tell you exactly what they told you last time I went in. "I just wasn't ready to work on my trauma".

When I left there they told me it would take possibly years till I started to actually work on the actual trauma. Jennifer started after three months. I wasn't ready. You wonder why I went off the deep end. Why my parts started acting out, that's why. I'm a lot more stable now that I am not working on the trauma. It's not called the "stabilization process" for no reason. I should be able to handle being off medications before I even start to process memories.

If you expect me to go into Sheppard Pratt and you expect them to start working on this stuff with me, you're deluded. They won't. They work on stabilization. Just like my outpatient therapist should be doing. I'm not ready to work on it and you're not listening to me. I want to go to Sheppard Pratt, because I want you to hear it from professionals and hopefully they can have a handle in finding me a better, more educated therapist in the world of DID.

You wish for me to be going into this group home so that I can work on this trauma but if I'm not stable enough to be doing it on my own, then I'm not stable enough period and therefore you are re-traumatizing me with this work and that's not how it's supposed to be. I need more time spent in stabilization, learning coping mechanisms. I think that wasn't made very clear coming out of Sheppard Pratt, so yes I will go back so that this can be made more clear. I'm not saying that I absolutely will not go into a group home. I am saying we will see what Sheppard Pratt has to say. They are the experts.

For the mean time I will not be told I just don't want to work on something, that I'm putting it off. Are you nuts? Girls spends YEARS in the stabilization process, stop pushing me through it. I will work at my own pace, as slowly and as non painfully as I wish. This is my life. This is my future. Not yours.

lydia-

I have been in Sheppard Pratt, they do all kinds of things there including but not limited to stabilization. they have a very extensive program for trauma work that includes individual therapy, art therapy, group therapy, occupational therapy (all of which are trauma work issues like working through what trauma you went through, how to handle memories, flashbacks, panic and anxiety and other issues that result from past trauma)

they cant make you participate in their trauma work program but they do have an extensive trauma work program.

here is a link to what their trauma program is like

http://www.traumaatsp.org/

on the side is all the links that give you all the information about their trauma work you can do there.

they even give you a schedule of all your groups and classes for working on your trauma related issues here's an example on their website

http://www.traumaatsp.org/Programschedule.aspx

as you can see they use many different ways to work in your trauma related issues like art therapy art therapy containment, family issues and much much more. your schedule will be set up according to what you and your treatment team feels you need for working on your trauma issues.

if you go in there and be honest with them they can help you develop an individualized trauma therapy program that will be non triggering but effective for working on your trauma issues.

I know because I went through the same thing you are. I had violent alters that acted out any time I did trauma work. Sheppard Pratt helped set up my treatment options in such a way that during both inpatient and out patient I was able to remain in control and stay safe while working on my trauma issues.

like I said they cant make you participate in their program. I met many people during my stay at sheppard pratt that just go through the motions and got released with nothing more than just stabilized for the moment, and I meet many people there that whole heattedly wanted to get better and they participated fully in the program.. some even were able to address their alters issues and their alters integrated / merged with them.

they do have a very extensive and fantastic trauma program for those that are DID with violent acting alters and it works wonders for those that go in with an open mind, the will and want to get better.

but they cannot force you to participate with an open mind and with complete honesty..

they have everything you need for working on your trauma issues.. thats what Sheppard Pratt is and does..

It all boils down to what you are willing to do.

[here today]

I very much like the assertive, self-caring approach in your letter.

I just had DDNOS but the trauma work has been horribly painful. Bearing the unbearable it has seemed like. And for me it had to be done in small pieces. For me it couldn't be pushed, even when I (my rational self) wanted to get it over and done with.

My therapist was trained at Sheppard Pratt and helped me when years and years of other therapists never did – probably didn’t know how to, but still . . .

Best of luck to you.

.....it me a long time.....at my own pace....

....I know a therapist....expert with D.I.D.....n.har.co.md.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

lydia-

I have been in Sheppard Pratt, they do all kinds of things there including but not limited to stabilization. they have a very extensive program for trauma work that includes individual therapy, art therapy, group therapy, occupational therapy (all of which are trauma work issues like working through what trauma you went through, how to handle memories, flashbacks, panic and anxiety and other issues that result from past trauma)

they cant make you participate in their trauma work program but they do have an extensive trauma work program.

here is a link to what their trauma program is like

http://www.traumaatsp.org/

on the side is all the links that give you all the information about their trauma work you can do there.

they even give you a schedule of all your groups and classes for working on your trauma related issues here's an example on their website

http://www.traumaatsp.org/Programschedule.aspx

as you can see they use many different ways to work in your trauma related issues like art therapy art therapy containment, family issues and much much more. your schedule will be set up according to what you and your treatment team feels you need for working on your trauma issues.

if you go in there and be honest with them they can help you develop an individualized trauma therapy program that will be non triggering but effective for working on your trauma issues.

I know because I went through the same thing you are. I had violent alters that acted out any time I did trauma work. Sheppard Pratt helped set up my treatment options in such a way that during both inpatient and out patient I was able to remain in control and stay safe while working on my trauma issues.

like I said they cant make you participate in their program. I met many people during my stay at sheppard pratt that just go through the motions and got released with nothing more than just stabilized for the moment, and I meet many people there that whole heattedly wanted to get better and they participated fully in the program.. some even were able to address their alters issues and their alters integrated / merged with them.

they do have a very extensive and fantastic trauma program for those that are DID with violent acting alters and it works wonders for those that go in with an open mind, the will and want to get better.

but they cannot force you to participate with an open mind and with complete honesty..

they have everything you need for working on your trauma issues.. thats what Sheppard Pratt is and does..

It all boils down to what you are willing to do.

I'm sorry AmandaLouise I wasn't very specific I mean they already after only three months were starting memory recalling. I guess trauma work and memory recalling are two different things. I don't mind trauma work. But the actual memory recalling is a small, small part of trauma work and nobody seems to understand that. They seem to want to make that what my therapy is about completely. Or rush into it. I was already at Sheppard Prat around March. I did a fine job, I threw my entire self into it and thought I came out with a good therapist, but she was uneducated and after three months she started going over memories with me. The few I remember. That made me very, extremely unsafe.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I'm sorry AmandaLouise I wasn't very specific I mean they already after only three months were starting memory recalling. I guess trauma work and memory recalling are two different things. I don't mind trauma work. But the actual memory recalling is a small, small part of trauma work and nobody seems to understand that. They seem to want to make that what my therapy is about completely. Or rush into it. I was already at Sheppard Prat around March. I did a fine job, I threw my entire self into it and thought I came out with a good therapist, but she was uneducated and after three months she started going over memories with me. The few I remember. That made me very, extremely unsafe.

thanks for clarifying

people remember their trauma's in all kinds of ways. memory recall (remembering the trauma) can happen through art therapy, writing, my memories tend to come to me while Im camping, boating or hiking or just relaxing.

my point is maybe this time while at Sheppard Pratt you can ask them to help you find non invasive, non traumatic ways for you to recall your traumatic memories and deal with them in ways that wont get your alters going wonky every which way.. Thats how I learned what works best for me when working on traumatic memories.. I told them right out this dont work because this, that dont work because of that, my out patient treatment providers want me to start dealing with all these trauma memories but I dont know how to do that. All of a sudden every one of my treatment team at Sheppard Pratt were full of all kinds of ways for me to take time for getting comfortable, focus on the memory I was working on, in non traumatic ways. They even let me skip out of a couple scheduled groups to work on memory recall type work.

I didnt like remembering the past either until one of the treatment team explained to me that unresolved trauma memories are like the elephant in the room... you know its there somewhere and you dont know when its going to rear its ugly head.. so you spend all your energy focused on fighting its appearance, avoiding it, pushing it away. So much so that when it comes to dealing with other things you can't fully deal with life and such because 95% of the energy is on that unwanted elephant in the room and only 5% is actually on the present and moving forwards. Then she pointed out all the things I didnt notice but my out patient treatment providers, family and friends did about how I was coping with every day life, and how that "elephant" was taking up so much more of my time and energy, then I realized. At first I totally hated the dear woman for showing me that elephant but after a while it got easier to deal with. now when the past trauma intrudes I take the time to deal with that "elephant" it makes it so much easier.

Im glad last time you went to Sheppard Pratt you did so whole heartedly. I hope this time too goes so well for you.

[Symphony]

This was really thought provoking for us. Thank you for sharing your letter. What especially stood out is the point of stabilization. If we're not able to stay stabilized, then maybe processing memories is not a good thing to do (when outpatient).

I know this is an old thread, but it really resonated. Again, thank you.

[flockpride]

pushing won't work
it will have its own timeline