[Claritytoo]

Last session my t was giving examples of why it is a good reason to work on my parts. She said that it wouldn't be good for me to act like I am 10 years old when I am almost 60, How am I supposed to sound at 60. I am serious. I am not sure what that means. Is it the vernacular I use or the subjects that I talk about or is it my presentation. I don't sound like I am 10 when I hear myself talk. But what does a 60 year old sound like.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Last session my t was giving examples of why it is a good reason to work on my parts. She said that it wouldn't be good for me to act like I am 10 years old when I am almost 60, How am I supposed to sound at 60. I am serious. I am not sure what that means. Is it the vernacular I use or the subjects that I talk about or is it my presentation. I don't sound like I am 10 when I hear myself talk. But what does a 60 year old sound like.

for each person this is different... what I did as a 10 yr old is different than what you did at 10 years old. how I sounded as a 10 yr old is going to be different than how you sounded as a 10 year old...

let me give you an example... Im in the 30's age bracket.. people my age dont go around hula hooping, jump roping while singing a rhyme, saying "psyche" and calling friends "Goober"people who are my age talk about work, their children, the Halloween party last night, when can we get our children (biological not alters) together for a playdate and other adult discussions. the tone of my voice is a lower adults voice vs the higher octave of a child sounding voice.

my suggestion is talk with your treatment provider. they will explain to you what they meant about how your child alters are different than your adult self and how working on things will help you to become your age rather than behaving like a child.

[just2b]

For me my experience has been, would a grown woman adult, act like a 5 year old, talk like a five year old, when she is really in her 40s? Would she not realize she is a.grown woman that CAN make adult decisions, have a job, ( which I actually dont) buy a house, ( which parts were totally against because it reminded parts of childhood) and can make decisions about what foods to buy at the grocery store ( which I have left the store in a panic because I couldn't make decisions ... influence by young parts)
My T reminds me every session that I am a grown woman with two kids and not a five year old incapable of doing for herself. For some reason, at the end of session my transition is difficult, and I think it's because young little parts want things from her and even I am not sure what it might be at this point.
I know I act out and talk differently when in a different part of mind because my kids see it, my T sees it and my dad has too. It is out of character for a grown adult to think and act like a five year old vs pretending...another way I can explain, I asked T once what's the difference between you ( a singleton) and me as DID...she said, she can sit down and play with a child and still know feel and sense she is an adult, vs me whom acts, sounds, behaves, thinks and believes I am a child.
I still struggle as sometimes I feel I am a fellow teen with my 15 year old vs being his mom. I don't see the lines...only when something has passed I can look and realise that was not my most adult self doing that. Sometimes I have to change discipline or consequences and it's hard because one moment I say and do this or that next the rules change again. I know it's confusing for my son, and I hate I have no consistency.hope this helps some.

[Blogjects]

I think each person & each system is different & everyone has their different needs, but I can speak from my experience: I am a 33 years old woman but I have child parts. the Question for me is when & where the child parts can express themselves. I try to limit their expression to therapy, so eventually it comes out as my child parts interact with my therapist quite a lot. Now that I am on a medical leave I find my teenager parts playing computer games a lot & wanting to stay home alone all day long.
So in my humble opinion it is not a question of wither or not it's ok for a grown person to act like a child, but when & where it is possible to do so.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Blogjects

I think each person & each system is different & everyone has their different needs, but I can speak from my experience: I am a 33 years old woman but I have child parts. the Question for me is when & where the child parts can express themselves. I try to limit their expression to therapy, so eventually it comes out as my child parts interact with my therapist quite a lot. Now that I am on a medical leave I find my teenager parts playing computer games a lot & wanting to stay home alone all day long.
So in my humble opinion it is not a question of wither or not it's ok for a grown person to act like a child, but when & where it is possible to do so.

unfortunately it wasnt as easy as when and where with me and those that I know who have DID. many people with DID have no control over when and where their alters "pop out"

for example whether my alters took control any time I had a dissociative reaction to a trigger. example everytime there was a rain storm Rainy took control because thats what her sense of agency was. it didnt matter if I was in elementary school, high school, a college class, at work at home with friends alone or not alone. having DID affected every aspect of my life not just when I was sitting home alone. I and my alters had no choice over the when and where a trigger was encountered, one time I and who is now my wife, were in line to see a broadway show. it started to thunder and lightening, we ended up having to leave without seeing Annie on broadway due to I dissociated and the resulting alter that took control was rainy, there I was in the midst of a whole line of adults saying go home noow go home now time to go home now rain rain go away time to go home now time to go home now home home lets go home its raining its pouring the old man is storing, went to bed and bumped his head and couldnt get up in the morning lets go home.

my point most people that I know with DID have no control over when and where they dissociate, and which alter takes control, for many its based on their dissociation triggers and the alters sense of agency. for many that I know with DID including me what made it possible to behave like an adult was work on those issues that resulted in having DID to begin with and eventually the alters all merged together to become one whole person again.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

for each person this is different... what I did as a 10 yr old is different than what you did at 10 years old. how I sounded as a 10 yr old is going to be different than how you sounded as a 10 year old...

let me give you an example... Im in the 30's age bracket.. people my age dont go around hula hooping, jump roping while singing a rhyme, saying "psyche" and calling friends "Goober"people who are my age talk about work, their children, the Halloween party last night, when can we get our children (biological not alters) together for a playdate and other adult discussions. the tone of my voice is a lower adults voice vs the higher octave of a child sounding voice.

my suggestion is talk with your treatment provider. they will explain to you what they meant about how your child alters are different than your adult self and how working on things will help you to become your age rather than behaving like a child.

I don't think I behave so much like a child. When not in session my voice is appropriate for my age. I think it's mostly my vocabulary. The other night I was talking to a younger co worker I used the phrase " it's all good". She smiled in a way that made me think what I said wasn't consistent with my age. But I still can't think of a more concise way to express my view at that time. Am I too old to say "it's all good" at age 60

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I don't think I behave so much like a child. When not in session my voice is appropriate for my age. I think it's mostly my vocabulary. The other night I was talking to a younger co worker I used the phrase " it's all good". She smiled in a way that made me think what I said wasn't consistent with my age. But I still can't think of a more concise way to express my view at that time. Am I too old to say "it's all good" at age 60

people of all ages say things like its all good, that was good, good job and other variations of saying thats ok, everything is fine its all good.

maybe the co worker was smiling because they were happy, or were thinking about something not related to what you were saying, or that they were happy you thought everything was good.

sometimes when I am talking to someone and I see then smile I have to remind me that their smile is not always a reflection of me, my behavior or what I am saying...

for example one day my co worker and I were talking and she giggled. I started to panic thinking what the heck did I say wrong to make her giggle. I looked at her and said ok let me in on the joke whats so funny. and she said what we are talking about reminded me of something funny that happened last night to me. I relaxed because I realized I hadnt said anything wrong or behaved wrong or different, it was all on her side of smiling because she was remembering something she did the night before that related to our conversation.

one of my co workers has a novelty statue of Atlas (the greek god that held the world) on their desk that has a message wrote on it saying.... like Im to blame for your ------ world.? (thats cleaning up the saying a bit for the sites rules )

suggestion...maybe you can ask your coworker what made them smile during that conversation.

[ruh roh]

I don't think it's possible to be too old to say It's all good. Maybe your co-worker smiled because you said it was all good in a reassuring way?

I have a similar experience to what amandalouise described. The young ones come out when triggered and it causes enormous problems. My therapist is working with each one individually and all of us as a system, to make life easier, but it's slow going.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

unfortunately it wasnt as easy as when and where with me and those that I know who have DID. many people with DID have no control over when and where their alters "pop out"

for example whether my alters took control any time I had a dissociative reaction to a trigger. example everytime there was a rain storm Rainy took control because thats what her sense of agency was. it didnt matter if I was in elementary school, high school, a college class, at work at home with friends alone or not alone. having DID affected every aspect of my life not just when I was sitting home alone. I and my alters had no choice over the when and where a trigger was encountered, one time I and who is now my wife, were in line to see a broadway show. it started to thunder and lightening, we ended up having to leave without seeing Annie on broadway due to I dissociated and the resulting alter that took control was rainy, there I was in the midst of a whole line of adults saying go home noow go home now time to go home now rain rain go away time to go home now time to go home now home home lets go home its raining its pouring the old man is storing, went to bed and bumped his head and couldnt get up in the morning lets go home.

my point most people that I know with DID have no control over when and where they dissociate, and which alter takes control, for many its based on their dissociation triggers and the alters sense of agency. for many that I know with DID including me what made it possible to behave like an adult was work on those issues that resulted in having DID to begin with and eventually the alters all merged together to become one whole person again.

everything used to be organized. most times everyone stayed unseen. but now we don't have the older one running things. she sort of quit when we retired so now we pop out when ever. it's keeping me from going out of the house. it has interfered with work. even now i am trying to get more hours and no on is giving them to me. i am a hard worker but i dont want to talk to people.