[Claritytoo]

all I ever wanted was a normal life. I tried to forget my past abusive upbringing and raise my son in a safe home. I envisioned him getting married and having children, him going to college and having a good job. Family gatherings for special occasions like birthdays and holidays, graduations. I thought I could create that no matter what I went through. I just want a safe, loving, family life. Im not ready to give up on it but after tonight I might.

[Luce]

Developmental trauma has an awful way of robbing us of so very much.
Do you want to say more about what's happening for you, Clarity?

[TrailRunner14]

I believe I can understand what you are saying and feeling, in some way. I too, tried to undo the undoing of my childhood by wanting more and trying so hard to make it happen for for my boys. It was so very hard to try and make things good by myself. That's where I was. I'm not sure if that is where you are.

There have been times, recently, that I have wanted to walk away too. I was caught in a hard place of wanting things to be good for my boys and seeing what was happening around them doing more harm than good.

I am working with a counselor who has given me strength and has helped me build belief that I'm not where I came from.

That may have been too much to say, but your post spoke to my heart.

It may not be anything like what you are walking through, but I felt a need to share it.

Thinking of you. Please post. We are here.

[Claritytoo]

my son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder/delusional disorder. today he tried to pull me from my car by my hair, he cursed at me and said i am to blame for the destruction of the universe. as he was assaulting me i was able to drive off and call the police. I think he was planning to kill himself by using my car and when I didn't give it to him he became psychotic and attacked me. right now he is on a mental ward hopefully being evaluated. I no longer trust my son. there is nothing left without trust. i doubt i will ever speak to him again. i will not live in violence hatred and fear again. never for no one

[Luce]

Omigosh, how traumatic. Are you okay?

[TrailRunner14]

Sending prayers for peace and healing.

I truly hope you and your son are ok and that he finds the help he needs.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Luce

Omigosh, how traumatic. Are you okay?

Im numb.........

[Luce]

Well, remember to take care of you... do self care things, grounding things, looking after you things. It may help, quite a lot. You have had a traumatic day and when that happens to us it can really upset the system, often without us front ones being aware that inside ones are really quite traumatized.
Do you have some self care things that can help you?
For us right now... we have bought some soft toys for a traumatized group of little ones... I have put some essential oil scents on them and they have been cuddling them all evening. It is soothing them somewhat.
Might it help in any way for you to do some simple self care things for you?

we are sorry you are struggling ((((((huggly hugs)))

[Claritytoo]

i woke up today to the psych doctor telling me that my son will be admitted but will be moved to another psych hospital who takes his insurance. more bull ****. i will help the transition when he is moved but that is it. My body aches from being attacked and the rest of me is numb still. I am spending time with my sister and her friend today doing nothing. that will help to not be alone. my voice is raspy from screaming while being attacked. I knew he was capable of it but I didn't expect him to turn so fast. he went from "i want to use the car' to you ****ing ***** you have destroyed the universe" "give me the ****ing keys" and than physically attacking me. I will never trust him again. I love my son. I want him to get help but I will not be the one that will help him. Now he has to help himself. I can't do it anymore. Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. coming here and being able to express my pain helps me know that I at least have others who know what i am talking about.