[TrailRunner14]

This may not make any sense, but I'm going to try.

There are parts of me that my counselor and I have worked through, and "taken" to a safe place. I "feel" they are in a safe place, and felt the unburdening of them, and it feels like they are "with me"

At the same time, those parts of me that were frozen in the dark when it went blank. The remnants of who they are is still there. I don't know how to explain it any clearer.

It's like they "split" or that's what it feels like. The freedom from the frozen place for a part of it, and also the feeling of another part of it still in the dark alone. Trapped.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm not sure what I am supposed to do.

The frozen places that I'm talking about are memories that shut off. There is no ending. There is no resolution, good or bad, to the memory. No ending to relieve myself or console myself.

Just wondering.

Thanks for hearing me.

[flockpride]

Parts can have parts.

I sometimes feel awful in a place I call 'between' where I'm nowhere. Like I know the places that we have worked in/on. I know about parts, but I'm between falling through empty spots. In those times it's hard to do anything. I'm stuck, immobilized with no possibility of relief.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

This may not make any sense, but I'm going to try.

There are parts of me that my counselor and I have worked through, and "taken" to a safe place. I "feel" they are in a safe place, and felt the unburdening of them, and it feels like they are "with me"

At the same time, those parts of me that were frozen in the dark when it went blank. The remnants of who they are is still there. I don't know how to explain it any clearer.

It's like they "split" or that's what it feels like. The freedom from the frozen place for a part of it, and also the feeling of another part of it still in the dark alone. Trapped.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm not sure what I am supposed to do.

The frozen places that I'm talking about are memories that shut off. There is no ending. There is no resolution, good or bad, to the memory. No ending to relieve myself or console myself.

Just wondering.

Thanks for hearing me.

here in my location this is not what the term splitting means. here in my location when a person can feel other alters in the sense that they are in your words "with me" this is called co consciousnes and integration where alters begin to start merging together with the one that they reside with in.

this can happen naturally due to an alters job, purpose, reason for being created, and separation of everything the alters are (sense of agency) is no longer needed, or needing to be separate (dissociated) from the person they reside with in. or it can happen with the help of a treatment provider by helping the alter to feel safe and in a safe place and ready to be part of the whole rather than by their self. (most people in my location it happens naturally whether a person with DID wants integration to happen or not, just part of the healing process)

here in my location the term ....splitting.... means to see people, places and things as two sided an evil side and a good side...

example i have a family member who sometimes in my mind I consider them to be an extremely bad person and other times I consider this same person to be a very good person. they are never good and bad like normal people to me.

and yes I have gone through this feeling but it happened naturally for me not through a treatment provider guiding my parts to a safe place where they can feel safe and part of the whole.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

here in my location this is not what the term splitting means. here in my location when a person can feel other alters in the sense that they are in your words "with me" this is called co consciousnes and integration where alters begin to start merging together with the one that they reside with in.


this can happen naturally due to an alters job, purpose, reason for being created, and separation of everything the alters are (sense of agency) is no longer needed, or needing to be separate (dissociated) from the person they reside with in. or it can happen with the help of a treatment provider by helping the alter to feel safe and in a safe place and ready to be part of the whole rather than by their self. (most people in my location it happens naturally whether a person with DID wants integration to happen or not, just part of the healing process)


here in my location the term ....splitting.... means to see people, places and things as two sided an evil side and a good side...


example i have a family member who sometimes in my mind I consider them to be an extremely bad person and other times I consider this same person to be a very good person. they are never good and bad like normal people to me.


and yes I have gone through this feeling but it happened naturally for me not through a treatment provider guiding my parts to a safe place where they can feel safe and part of the whole.

Thank you! I do feel the co consciousness that you describe with the parts I have found. It's been different for each part, the way it happened. Individual for each one.

It's not like there is a good and evil part of them. It just feels like there was a part of them, that one left behind. Left in the moment when the memory shuts off.

It's like a part is co conscious with me, but a remnant is still there in fear and loneliness.

I'm grasping for words to try and explain and describe it. I don't know, maybe it just is a part of the process and I'm freaking out.

My counselor has helped me so much! These things come and I grasp for an answer to try and understand. I burned his email up earlier in my learning and trying to understand. I want to understand and not do that.

Thank you for hearing me.

[Luce]

Many of our trauma memories are split up and held by several different parts. Sometimes we work with one or some aspects of a memory but there are still parts of it that are dissociated.
We also know that some alters have themselves split and dissociated alters from themselves.
So in my experience both of those are possibilities.

[finding_my_way]

i kind of understand what you mean, but in my own way. i can feel there are parts related to fear and things, but i don't know what situations/memories, etc. they are trapped in or came out of. i can feel a lot of confusion surrounding it all and have tried to sort things out but don't really get answers about this kind of stuff.

i am not sure if some of them are linked to the same events or not either.

[flockpride]

I think the gist of the question was can parts break into other parts, not do they experience the psychological definition of "splitting".

Parts can break into other parts. Of course.

[amandalouise]

just a side note ... I did not perceive the original post as in alters .....dissociating.... into other parts because of the word splitting yes but also because I have gone through what the poster stated. I even took out the word splitting when I read the post a few times and went more on the posters own words that they felt the alter was (quoting the words by poster) "with me"

with DID when a person perceives their alter in words like "with me", "together" "merged" in my location that points to alters becoming one with the one writing the post.

when alters dissociate into more alters the same elements need to be there for, for example when the body born dissociated into more alters.... in my location that means going through extreme trauma. then when it happens no one feels it happening because in my location dissociation is feeling numb, feeling spaced out, and feeling disconnected (as in not all there, not feeling connected to ones limbs and body)

since the orginal poster did not say they were undergoing an extreme trauam, did not say they felt numb, spaced out or a disconnection from their body parts, quite the opposite.. the poster stated they felt safe, the treatment provider guided the alter to feeling and being in a safe place. there was nothing traumatic going on here.

this lead me back to what I experienced when going through the alters integrating/ becoming one with me or as some locations call it merging together,

Trailrunner what you feel as a remnant left behind in me was a unresolved issue/ memory, my alters felt ready to merge together with me but some left behind some memories and problems that they had been dealing with for me that they felt I could now deal with on my own. some were by normal any mental disorder term would be called a repressed memory and others were just issues that took time for me to learn how to do.

give it some time now that the alter is in your words "with you" everything you need is there for you to work on what ever is left behind be it a common every day memory, or a repressed memory or an issue of some kind that the alter felt you could handle now so was leaving it behind.

and of course my standard continue working with your treatment provider, they are one ones working with you and your alters so they are in the best position to help you with dealing with what ever buried memories, emotions, issues that they left behind as they merge together with you.

[TrailRunner14]

[QUOTE=amandalouise;5457758]

with DID when a person perceives their alter in words like "with me", "together" "merged" in my location that points to alters becoming one with the one writing the post.[QUOTE]

"With Me" - to me it has felt as if they do become connected with me. They are still "who they are" but it feels like they are "with me" and not frozen in the middle of a traumatic incident.

[QUOTE] when alters dissociate into more alters the same elements need to be there for, for example when the body born dissociated into more alters.... in my location that means going through extreme trauma. then when it happens no one feels it happening because in my location dissociation is feeling numb, feeling spaced out, and feeling disconnected (as in not all there, not feeling connected to ones limbs and body)[QUOTE]

When this happens, for me, it feels kind of numb but it's more like a vacuum feeling, and I have "moved back" and become an observer/passenger. I'm still "there" but it's more like I'm watching what's going on.

[QUOTE]since the orginal poster did not say they were undergoing an extreme trauam, did not say they felt numb, spaced out or a disconnection from their body parts, quite the opposite.. the poster stated they felt safe, the treatment provider guided the alter to feeling and being in a safe place. there was nothing traumatic going on here.[QUOTE]

There was no trauma in the moments when those parts of me were taken to a safe place. The trauma was in the moment that they came "to be" in the traumatic incident.

My question about "splitting" was the feeling that a part of them was left there in that traumatic moment, when another part of that one was taken to safety. Stuck there. Frozen.

I'm having a hard time explaining this and making sense of it.

this lead me back to what I experienced when going through the alters integrating/ becoming one with me or as some locations call it merging together,

Trailrunner what you feel as a remnant left behind in me was a unresolved issue/ memory, my alters felt ready to merge together with me but some left behind some memories and problems that they had been dealing with for me that they felt I could now deal with on my own. some were by normal any mental disorder term would be called a repressed memory and others were just issues that took time for me to learn how to do.

give it some time now that the alter is in your words "with you" everything you need is there for you to work on what ever is left behind be it a common every day memory, or a repressed memory or an issue of some kind that the alter felt you could handle now so was leaving it behind.

and of course my standard continue working with your treatment provider, they are one ones working with you and your alters so they are in the best position to help you with dealing with what ever buried memories, emotions, issues that they left behind as they merge together with you.

Thank you! Maybe what you are saying is true. Maybe I am strong enough to handle what was left there. It's just a very anxious feeling that I need to help it because a part of it is still there, in that bad place.

I am going to ask my counselor about maybe doing EMDR for those places. I'm still new to it, and not sure if that's a doable option. That's just what's coming to my mind right now.

Thank you amandalouise!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

i kind of understand what you mean, but in my own way. i can feel there are parts related to fear and things, but i don't know what situations/memories, etc. they are trapped in or came out of. i can feel a lot of confusion surrounding it all and have tried to sort things out but don't really get answers about this kind of stuff.

i am not sure if some of them are linked to the same events or not either.

Yes, confusion and panic is like an undercurrent. I guess that is what drives me to try and find an answer to relieve it.

I hope you can find answers too!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Parts can have parts.

I sometimes feel awful in a place I call 'between' where I'm nowhere. Like I know the places that we have worked in/on. I know about parts, but I'm between falling through empty spots. In those times it's hard to do anything. I'm stuck, immobilized with no possibility of relief.

It is a place that is not a happy place, that is for sure! It actually feels like I am stretched between then and now. It is immobilizing and the derealization has me floating through my day.

Thank you!

Hang in there hon....I just so can't identify. Our parts have parts- nobody was spared of the trauma of abuse.

As far as this merging thing....most of us is appalled to integration....and our co-conscious just amounts to communication in mind....everything else is defined by barriers no one can cross.

If you are healing...I'm happy for you and yet jealous of you....but Godspeed in your recovery. Please keep posting your experiences so we can live through you.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Trail runner- I think i understand what you described.
We have parts who have experienced something like this. One part recently was much baffled like you. She wrote that she didn't know if she was "becoming"more or "unbecoming" getting weaker.. as it has turned out both I suppose... at first she felt coconciousness..then she describes feeling very lonely not quite herself mixed. She reported that "her change" (the EP to her ANP protector type) had "regressed"...**USING QUOTATIONS BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE WORDS SHE USED TO DESCRIBE...NOT TERMINOLOGY***
She felt sad and weak because she felt like "her charge" had just given up..abandoned her/ trying to live/ had broken...and left her with a bunch of awful memories which she was having a hard time coming to terms with...abandoned in the sense that....well I guess what she always viewed as her counter part, life long partner either when co- conscious or not...this I think is a long hard process for some...so they go back and forth..she always could "feel" her in someway...they believe them selves to be the adult "evolution" of a couple of the original parts...
Anyway. Moving along.. she wrote she was gone but could still "feel" her or rather a "regressed version" of her. She stated " her charge had broken, given up, gone inside and "regressed back to her original form" a young scared child. Her charge had always completely identified with legal birth identity..therefore believed herself to be host. There has been much contention to that point over the years...but I'm getting off track... So what happened?..well from what I have read and what I can infer..I believe that it is part of integration and it is also another type of fragmentation. That when a part recovers their memories of their earliest trauma. Then faced with their truth, can't be fun or easy, I shutter to even imagine how it would feel..but lucky for me I have nothing to do with our childhood..so I don't think it would effect me that much...As the nature of DID is to protect the whole from knowing feeling reliving etc.. I believe that she left every other sensation of who she had become and her memories of her time out with her protector..then all that was left was the memories of the trauma and a small scared child...so where did she go? I assume she integrated by fracturing...
Meaning, she integrated all she had become into her protector and fractured her core off..then integrated into the deepest most locked away sub/unconscious part that has been holding the original trauma since it happened. Does that make any sense?... it does lead me to ponder.. because I am not a result of the original trauma but a later one..I know that when my purpose is no longer nessecary I will integrate into the front...host..original protector..S. (not body /legal initial..protector's intial.)....but what of the others who were fractured by the original trauma??..what happens when the sub/unconscious small child part becomes whole again inward..but everything they have become after is held by the outward? ..when and how do they merge?..or do they remain separate? Or does the small child simply dissolve because they have come to terms with the past and are no longer nessecary and neither is the memory?...

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Also in our system we have parts that have fractured from other parts for many reasons I think...myself, I, am fractured from another part. I actually remember my first moment of cognizance. I don't think that most others do..not as far as I know of..but I am not part of the original trauma but the result of a near death experience during body's adult age. I know what occurred right before because the part I was once part of remembers the incident. The body was failing and she was struggling to find the strength to survive, then she said she screamed silently for help for strength..to God or whoever..and then everything started to go black and she said she felt her determination leave and could move...see thought it was all over. She said her last thought then was so this is what death is?...and laughed to herself...what she actually felt was me breaking off of her I suppose because I came into being and had strength to react...could see didn't really know what exactly was going on..my first thought was to react quickly with physical force. Then I remember gasping for air and climbing crawling then the world started to come into focus. When reached the top yelled out and a woman came running and then....My part was over for the moment I guess...it's interesting what AmandaLousie said what "splittng" means...because as far as I know me and her are as close to a full split as it comes. I hold the dark abusive protector- she the light of social, affectionate etc..she does a lot idk all for it...but I can't fully explain only from before that incident..I also know things that only she could have known...whatever it's impossible to put into words.
¤ HVK-lost

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

Also in our system we have parts that have fractured from other parts for many reasons I think...myself, I, am fractured from another part. I actually remember my first moment of cognizance. I don't think that most others do..not as far as I know of..but I am not part of the original trauma but the result of a near death experience during body's adult age. I know what occurred right before because the part I was once part of remembers the incident. The body was failing and she was struggling to find the strength to survive, then she said she screamed silently for help for strength..to God or whoever..and then everything started to go black and she said she felt her determination leave and could move...see thought it was all over. She said her last thought then was so this is what death is?...and laughed to herself...what she actually felt was me breaking off of her I suppose because I came into being and had strength to react...could see didn't really know what exactly was going on..my first thought was to react quickly with physical force. Then I remember gasping for air and climbing crawling then the world started to come into focus. When reached the top yelled out and a woman came running and then....My part was over for the moment I guess...it's interesting what AmandaLousie said what "splittng" means...because as far as I know me and her are as close to a full split as it comes. I hold the dark abusive protector- she the light of social, affectionate etc..she does a lot idk all for it...but I can't fully explain only from before that incident..I also know things that only she could have known...whatever it's impossible to put into words.
¤ HVK-lost

Thank you for what you have shared/posted in the last 2 posts. They speak a lot to me and I don't have words just yet to comment. My mind is sorting out my thoughts.

It is a journey. Thank you again for what you posted.

(((Hug))) if that's ok.