Helping the Host Out of Denial

leigheas has had a very difficult time of accepting all of us. While she's more accepting of me she doesn't want to accept the others.

Is there anything we can do to help her through this? I can't protect her if she can't accept me and pushes me away. I love her and want to help.

I'm James, btw, and I'm usually co-present throughout the evenings when leigheas' anxiety spikes.

here's something that might help....

think about how you have managed to protect them before they knew you existed, before they got diagnosed and knew what to deny...

reason this may help is that DID isnt something that just jumps into someones body one day. its there all that persons life. nothing changes after receiving the diagnosis... so looking at it from that point of view maybe you can figure out who you have been protecting everyone for many years already.

then its just a matter of continuing with what you have been doing all your life time.

let me show you something.... before I was diagnosed there was an alter named white. whites job purpose reason for being created was to protect me from bullies. white continued doing her job/ purpose/ reason for being created even when I didnt know she existed, even when I discovered she existed, even when I denied her existance and I never did accept white. i didnt have to, from my point of view White was white and I was amanda and I was living amanda's life not whites. I lived years and years with out knowing about whites existence so to me it wasnt important to say hi white welcome aboard, eventually with my becoming stronger and able to handle my problems on my own white integrated/ became one whole person again with me just like a normal human being.

my suggestion is contact yours or a treatment provider, they will be able to tell you if its possible and necessary for Só leigheas to stop denying and pushing you away or whether treatment goals and healing can happen with out the acceptance factor. not everyones system is comprised in a way that everyone must accept each other, become friends and such for many people like me integration/ full healing happened naturally with out the big get to know each other, accept and become best buddies kind of thing.

First, hello. Things like this make me wish Charlotte was around... she was a protector for our previous host type person and she did so much to help her come to terms with having others... really, Char did tons to help a lot of us accept our DX. She was a champ about that kind of thing. I don't really know what she did or how she did it, but I do know she had a ton of patience for us and that ended up being a big deal for a lot of us, and patience never was her strong suit. I think it probably helped because Char had been around with that host lady for a few years and she had always done right by her making trust easier. Best I can think to do is keep on doing what you are doing, being there and hopefully helping to lower the anxiety just by being there and by being you. I do understand it has to be hard to want to do/help more and get pushed away. It's just scary as all get out for some us us and it can take awhile to be more accepting. Yeah, patience is the best thought I have. Hopefully someone else around here will come along with better ideas. Wishing you well.

V

Hi James! I'm not sure if I can be helpful I have no idea what I'm about to say, which is unusual for me - but I related to what you said and find myself in a very similar situation right now. So if nothing else, this post is to let you know that you are not alone.

My name is Angel btw, and I'm a 52 year old guy. I have been mostly co-conscious with Sonseearae, who is a six year old girl, for about twenty-four years. I've gone beyond acceptance with her, she's my best friend in spite of the age difference and I continually learn from her. Children are great teachers if we only stop to listen I've found - and insider children are no different.

Recently, my T and I uncovered three more alters. The range of differences is quite surprising and frankly, stunning (to me). There is Micah, who is two and a half years old and it seems like he is actually Sonseearae's alter. Everything I know about him comes from her. There is Lori, a young teenage girl who, with great effort on my part, I have been able to share moments with, though it is very inconsistent. Lastly, there is another who I know nothing about except that he or she is a protector who only comes out during times of great danger at which point I have zero recollection of anything that happens when he or she is out - not even a fuzzy, shadowlike sense.

I am confident that this is everyone and glad that they have been recognized but it certainly has come with more than a bit of consternation. Sonseearae and I had worked out life and the problems that had come with dissociation for the most part. Now a monkey wrench has been thrown into our neat, tidy little world. So yeah, I get the difficulty accepting others.

I want to, because frankly, no one deserves to be neglected and everyone has value. That's the cognitive side of things - emotionally, we're torn. But here's the thing: My relationship with Sonseearae has improved my life. Without her...well, the sense of loss would be perhaps the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me which, for someone with DID, is saying something. So, if our relationship can be used as a bellwether, then developing and nurturing a relationship with these newly discovered 'others' also carries with it the potential for much added joy and happiness.

I try to keep that in mind moving forward and that has kept me open to continuing to accept, explore and develop relationships with the others. Perhaps the relationship between leigheas and you can be a motivating factor in accepting, exploring and developing relationship with your others. I do wish all of you the best moving forward, whatever you choose.