tough morning.

A, because we can't get any medication until Monday (and we were litirally begging for stuff we didn't have), and B, we're just struggling so much with our emotions rightn ow, they are so rapid we're not even sure from 1 minit to the next what to expect

afternoon... wasn't great, but it was a little calmer

a little easier to handle

[Amyjay]

i am trying to be more positive about seeing the new t. She has more training with DID so hopefully I can form a connection with her.
In other news my main abuser is sick and mother has been calling me crying hysterically that she needs me to help her. I have to go there soon. It causes so much dissociation.

the mood fairies have been extremely kind to me (overly kind)

I have been enjoying this feeling of feeling Christmassy...

trying not to overdo it, but wow!.

when moods change, they change..

I have been falling fast and hard this afternoon

from high, really high, to.. why am I still in this world and living through pain?

Just found myself looking in the mirror checking out how my shorts/butt look from the back. One of our wtf moments.

[Amyjay]

I am struggling with calls from mother because my father is sick. She keeps calling me begging to come over. i try not to go as much as I can because it causes so much dissociation and conflict lost time and stress and sickness and awfulness. Why am i such a bad daughter? Parts of me hate them so much!!!

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I am struggling with calls from mother because my father is sick. She keeps calling me begging to come over. i try not to go as much as I can because it causes so much dissociation and conflict lost time and stress and sickness and awfulness. Why am i such a bad daughter? Parts of me hate them so much!!!

you're not a bad daughter

you just have to do what's right for you, and it's hard, especially when it comes to family.

I should know, I get threats every day

mood is all over the place.

blah

not sure if i'm happy or sad

[Solnutty]

We survived my first graduate course. I had some dissociative episodes that caused two assignments to be turned in late, but my instructor worked with me. I'm considering filing for disability with the university. I've been told I could qualify and it would give me extra time to turn in some assignments if I need it. I'm naturally a bit nervous about the whole process.
Good news, we have another friend, and a safe group to talk to. The new leader at our Celebrate Recovery meeting is quite familiar with DID and very supportive and sweet. I'm thankful beyond words.

[Amyjay]

I feel upset and annoyed about the session with the new therapist today. I felt lost, inside and out. There was so much switching going on and I don't feel like I made a connection with her at all. Can she help us? I don't know.

[TrailRunner14]

Just wanted to say hello.

Things going on in my life feel overwhelming right now. I've wanted to be here, but to be honest, this place didn't seem real.

Just wanted to say hello so that it is real.

Can't explain right now.

Thank you for hearing me.

feeling low.

not low as in, really really struggling, but still quite low...

yesterday I watched the wizard of oz.

such a timeless movie... I love it

food was **** though, did not enjoy my dinner at all.

I also got really triggered last night by a post on here, and I had the thoughts all night.. it was horrible- it's bad enough having sleeping problems without thinking about suicide.

mother was on the phone to me at half 8 this morning hurling her usual abuse at me, and that made me feel even lower

I have very bad thoughts today, very very bad- but I know their are things I need to get done

-order an emergency grocery order to arive tomorrow (because of the simple fact when I ordered wednesday, it was all junk food) andi 'd neglected to order some much needed essentials

transfer some money for my hair appointment on thursday

and order my takeaway

get something yummy inside me- rather than my **** cooking

my first thought today: why do I always count down the days to death?

Possible trigger:

the voices in my head have always made it clear to me that I will die on a sunday afternoon at 4 PM (i've posted this somewhere before)

so when I'm close to a sunday, I always count it down

then sunday comes and it never happens and I start the countdown again to the next sunday

sunday should be a happy day, right?. sunday should be a time to celebrate.

celebrate i've lived another week

celebrate life

but It's not that

sunday seems to celebrate everything I fail in

that's why I don't like it, I think.

didn't enjoy my breakfast too much (not enough marmite on the toast!)

still feeling a little ill from my pizza yesterday too, so it plays a part..

feeling quite empty and stuff.

not really feeling much

so I had to change my hair appointment to next week, since my mental health worker wants to come and see me thursday morning (she probhably won't actually show up, but have to give her the benifit, right?)

anyway she found out I'd put in a complaint about her- and she is not happy about it

(I don't look forward much to that conversation!)

I also watched a movie called away, which turned out okay- their were a few triggers in it, but it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be

got some bills this afternoon, which are just lying unopened on my desk, and my emergency grocery delivery which i've put away

yeah.. feeling better this afternoon than I was this morning

today started with an explosive phone call with a computer company.

they are trying to charge me for a service I didn't even use

and I rang them and said... you sent me a letter charging me this money for your service, i've never even heard of you- and they launched in to this crap
about how because the letter's at my address, I have to pay for it.

they go are you rachel?. and i'm like no, my name's emily, and they are like.. well, cool, then rachel's lucky- you're paying her bill

anyway, I got right in their face.. who the ****'s rachel, and who the **** are you.

I don't have the ****ing money, so you're not getting it anyway and slammed down the phone

later I got some threats from my family (but I don't want to talk about those)

and i'm now just sitting here writing this post, because I lead such an interesting existence.

[Solnutty]

Possible trigger:

Found out my mom is entering hospice care today. I can't identify any feelings about it, just numbness. The rest of me all have all sorts of feelings and opinions. I've had a good couple weeks and this is like a dark cloud on the horizon. I know I should do something to support my insiders but the numbness is where I have to stay at least for now.

mental health worker showed up (surprised)

had nothing to say to me though, and in general seemed not too pleased about seeing me.

said she'd made no progress with her current goals, making me feel pretty hopeless.

pretty low mood in general though. finding it difficult to cope and be positive

[Samantha+9]

I'm dealing with multiples disorders and hoping to find somebody that understands me and can help me deal with all my problems and my others i hope this can be a place to do that

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by Samantha+9

I'm dealing with multiples disorders and hoping to find somebody that understands me and can help me deal with all my problems and my others i hope this can be a place to do that

I have found that here. I think you will, too.

[Claritytoo]

So I just found someone I knew years ago on FB. So I read that they were now 60 years old and I was at a loss. At first I couldn't figure out how they could be 60 and that it must be a mistake. After quite a long time I remembered "hell I'm 60". That's why their 60. It kind of blew my mind.

[Solnutty]

I had the most awful bad dream. I need to believe it's a dream and not part of a memory. And I need to let it go and not think about it.

Originally Posted by Samantha+9

I'm dealing with multiples disorders and hoping to find somebody that understands me and can help me deal with all my problems and my others i hope this can be a place to do that

hi.

welcome to the forum.

hope you find it useful!

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

So I just found someone I knew years ago on FB. So I read that they were now 60 years old and I was at a loss. At first I couldn't figure out how they could be 60 and that it must be a mistake. After quite a long time I remembered "hell I'm 60". That's why their 60. It kind of blew my mind.

that's stressful

I've dealt with that (not on FB, but online somewhere else)

I met someone on their who I used to go to school with, and as a system we thought.. well do we tell him it's us, and what's happened to us, but we decided not too

and he never found out

we have been dealing with impending eviction from our current property (we can't aford to pay what they are asking for anymore)

so we have 4 weeks to attempt to find somewhere new

stressfull..