[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I think I trust my T.

That makes my heart smile. I hope that it’s a good ground to go forward.

Thank you for hearing my cake dilemma.

I won’t go into all of the ins and outs of it.

I left her house with cake in a take out box.

We got home and my husband ate it.

She called me yesterday and told me that she was happy with our time together.

I came home and drank heavily. Just saying.

We brought a ham that my husband smoked and it didn’t turn out well. It was overdone.

We apologized then and I apologized when she called.

She told me that everyone makes mistakes and we are all human and make mistakes. She said that if you don’t make mistakes you aren’t human.

Hum.

It almost felt like she was giving a reason for her dysfunction.

I didn’t know what to say or how to respond.

I changed the subject.

As usual when I don’t know how to reply.

I want to think it was an apology for many things, but that’s just probably me wanting rainbows and butterflies. Who knows.

I do know that God is good. He has a plan and purpose for this monkey circus that I’ve lived through.

Again.

I’m happy that you have found trust in your therapist.

It makes all the difference when you find someone to trust that you can share your feelings and hard places with.

I’m happy for you!!

struggled a lot witgh flashbacks yesterday afternoon.

also still having a lot of problems with the number 11 (I posted about this in the other mental health forum, it's still a real issue!)

can't get more than 10, 20 minits sleep at a time

doctor's actually told me he's got no idea what to do anymore re our sleep.

he's tried us on litirally everything (and that's how you know it's bad!)

Possible trigger:

don't really want to be here

it's almost december and we don't want to accept it- we don't want to accept that 2017 is almost over and we've done **** all with our lives

why us

why

Possible trigger:

why can't we just sink with the titanic or something

oh right

because it went without us..... grrrrrr.

and now we're binging on candy.

you know, the healthy lot we are

[Amyjay]

I can't today. I don't know yet how to live a different life. Maybe the need is just to be a different person. I don't want this.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I can't today. I don't know yet how to live a different life. Maybe the need is just to be a different person. I don't want this.

Hug friend.

Thank you for your encouragement earlier.

I’m with you.

[Loose Screw x 2]

I have to contact my doctor's office tomorrow and try to get an earlier appointment due to being under heavy stress and also try and find a therapist who will accept my insurance.

keep forgetting where I am and what time it is

had a really severe pannic attack today and I think it's made all my other psymptoms 10 times worse

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

keep forgetting where I am and what time it is

had a really severe pannic attack today and I think it's made all my other psymptoms 10 times worse

I hope that you'll be okay. Just try to calm your mind. If you need someone to talk to PM me.

[Claritytoo]

I am struggling today. I can't focus on any particular thing so I get nothing done. The house is very quite and that makes my thoughts louder. My brain feels like it is spinning endlessly spinning. I have my dog by my side and that makes things a little better. Right now I am waiting for time to go by so I can go to bed and hope that tomorrow is different. I really need to see a therapist. I will try to do that after the holidays. I wish I had one now.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I am struggling today. I can't focus on any particular thing so I get nothing done. The house is very quite and that makes my thoughts louder. My brain feels like it is spinning endlessly spinning. I have my dog by my side and that makes things a little better. Right now I am waiting for time to go by so I can go to bed and hope that tomorrow is different. I really need to see a therapist. I will try to do that after the holidays. I wish I had one now.

(((claritytoo)))

I hope you are in a better place now.

The holidays can be very taxing and straining. I’m glad you have your dog with you! Giving love can sometimes feel good when you are needing some yourself.

I’m sending you holiday well wishes and wishing you a very Merry Christmas!!

yesterday was okay.

mainly because everything fell in to place where it should be

and that never happens to me

ever

we are a little depressed today because of the whole no gift thing

but..

we also have our christmas dinner being delivered today, and from stuff we've heard from others the food is 5 star.

so it should be really nice

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

we are a little depressed today because of the whole no gift thing

but..

we also have our christmas dinner being delivered today, and from stuff we've heard from others the food is 5 star.

so it should be really nice

How was your Christmas dinner, SS?

[Amyjay]

I am very triggered today. I see T soon. Working through this trauma stuff is so hard and overwhelming.

[Claritytoo]

I am supposed to visit a friend on Saturday. She lives 3 hours away. I will push myself to go. I am having a lot of anxiety. I haven't been sleeping to well just worrying about going that far from where I live. I know I won't get lost. I just keep thinking that I am not ready to do this. This is the first new year she will be without her husband so I don't want to bail. She needs me and in some way I think it will be good for us to get back to doing things we used to do. It's almost 2am and I still don't want to go to bed. I just want the noise in my head to stop. It can be so loud sometimes.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

How was your Christmas dinner, SS?

not bad

they put in some stuffing (which we don't like), but apart from that acception, it was okay

they even put in a card " merry christmas from the staff at ___" which was nice. they didn't have to do that

[L.P.]

I'm alright today. Still not being switchy, but getting more accustomed to having all these hours in a day to myself. Really, 24 hours feels like forever when it's just me here, but I have a lot to do right now, so it's fine I guess. I'm keeping busy, dealing with the breakup when I need to, keeping busy when I am not dealing with that. Yeah. Been dealing more with external life than the stuff in my head these days *shrugs*

-Avery

we were very impressed with a question we got earlier in the week

someone actually asked us (and not in a patronizing way either), I hope the fireworks didn't get to you too much on new years?

they know fire is a trigger, and we're pleased they actually used their brains and asked us properly about it.

(now all people have to learn is to call us by the names of the alter, not the body name) but we've posted about that and our annoyance about it.

we feel we've lost a lot of time today (or at least this evening)

it just seems really late in the evening, and their seems to be a lot of hours unaccounted for

their are alters fighting for control this afternoon.

their is lots of arguing inside

urg not again. we hope we don't lose time over this, and I can just front

we are depressed too.

not suicidal but depressed

[TrailRunner14]

(((ss)))

[TrailRunner14]

There’s a lot in my head right now.

I’ve been reading about phobia of attachment and it’s all “me”.

It’s very validating to see how I came to be this way, but it’s also very saddening to actually own it.

The two reviews that I’ve read both really address the description of it and the reasons why of it. They both also focus on early intervention in a Childs life to correct it.

I haven’t come across anything to address correction or healing from it this far down the road. It’s pretty late for me for intervention.

I do believe there are steps to heal this. I just don’t know what they are right now.

When I feel like this, I look for something to do. Something productive.

So.

I’m whitewashing my fireplace tomorrow.

It’s something that I’ve been wanting to do but I’ve just put it off.

This weekend I’m going to do it!!

I hope you’re in a better place now (((ss)))

[Claritytoo]

I am trying to focus but my mind is all over. I am having a hard time falling asleep and when I do I wake up several times to use the bathroom. I got up earlier this morning so I would be tired and go to bed earlier but 2:34 in the morning and I can't stop my brain long enough to go to bed. I know I should be talking to someone but I don't have the money. It scares me a little not having someone to talk to. It scares me to say it scares me. This is what I go through over and over again. I have been trying to vacuum my home for two weeks and I just can't. I don't know why. I just feel fear and than I sit and do nothing. I have a dog and have had to force myself to take him outside. I was walking him but now I just let him into the yard. I don't want to be seen by anyone. I don't even know what that means. I have to get some help. I want to get some help. i will try on monday. maybe

[Claritytoo]

Having another really really bad day. right now I feel like crying. i don't know why. I feel deeply sad. so sad. i need help i know that. i am doing things to create debt and i don't know why. i am trying to figure out a way to focus. i do not have the structure i have had had in the past and without the structure i can't focus. everyone is every where. i need help. a lot of help. i need to see a dr. i will try tomorrow to get a dr. i need to start my life but i dont know where it should start. i can't breath. it's anxiety. i know that. i just want all the sounds to stop so i can think. no good

[Claritytoo]

Ok so I went out to the store to get curtain rod things. I began to feel light headed and started to feel panic. I drove straight home. Not to far. I got in the house and can't go out right now even though my wants to go out. I just can't do it. no no no no no. I wish my ears would stop ringing. This has been going on for weeks. usually the ringing isn't as loud as it has been these past few weeks. I am exhausted. So tired