[TrailRunner14]

My mom is spending the night with us tomorrow night.

There are a lot of things wrapped up in those words.

I’ve been in counseling and experienced many somatic memories that are associated with my mom.

I’ve shared this before here. She stayed with us before and somehow I flushed her dentures down the toilet. I didn’t know it after it happened, and spent the day trying to figure out what in the world had happened to them. We searched garbage cans and looked everywhere they could be.

It came back to me in fragments.

I did it.

That was years ago. 3 or 4 maybe? I’m not sure.

She has a doctor appointment tomorrow and one the next morning and ask if she could stay with us overnight.

“Sure” I said!!

What???

I don’t know how this is going to turn out!!

I meet with my counselor tomorrow night and she will be here before I leave and after I get home. I don’t have words to explain what that is threatening to do to me internally.

I have talked about a lot of things that have come forward with my counselor and I’m in the middle of trying to help a part of me feel safe and heard. This all includes my mom!

Is this just me being over dramatic or can someone else see and understand my concern?

I don’t even want to go to sleep tonight!

I don’t want to think about going to sleep tomorrow night with her here.

What could happen!!!

We’ve talked about a lot of not nice things involving her.

I don’t know!

Maybe this is some kind of rant or some kind of flip out.

I don’t know!!

Anybody else?

It’s just weirdness that I can’t sort out.

[TrailRunner14]

I wanted to say......

I’m not afraid that I will do something that would physically hurt her.

I think my fear is in -

I don’t know.

I really don’t.

[Amyjay]

Are you concerned that some part of you will "do" something that you will have to pay the consequences for?
Is it a concern about losing time/not being in control of your own actions/not trusting yourself?
Can you talk with your other parts internally? If not, can you speak "to" them to try to figure out your fear, the panic etc?
I don't know if I am helping or if off the path entirely.
I do know we have contact with family and it is fraught with many differences of opinion, memories, knowledge, feelings etc.

I don't believe it is overdramatic at all, in any sense of form. This woman has done things that have traumatized you and different parts of you have very valid fears and responses to that. Its not dramatic, its.... complicated.
I wish I had more to offer that might help.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Are you concerned that some part of you will "do" something that you will have to pay the consequences for?

Is it a concern about losing time/not being in control of your own actions/not trusting yourself?

Can you talk with your other parts internally? If not, can you speak "to" them to try to figure out your fear, the panic etc?

I don't know if I am helping or if off the path entirely.

I do know we have contact with family and it is fraught with many differences of opinion, memories, knowledge, feelings etc.


I don't believe it is overdramatic at all, in any sense of form. This woman has done things that have traumatized you and different parts of you have very valid fears and responses to that. Its not dramatic, its.... complicated.

I wish I had more to offer that might help.

Are you concerned that some part of you will "do" something that you will have to pay the consequences for?

Yes!

Is it a concern about losing time/not being in control of your own actions/not trusting yourself?

Yes!

I’ve entertained the idea of talking with all of us and asking for a truce while she’s here. It feels like that’s not being understood.

Too much to put into words.

She got another verbal rib shot in yesterday when we were visiting her for Easter.

She doesn’t know when to quit. She sees no harm in it and actually sees it as funny I guess.

Thank you for your insights and thoughts

I pray it goes well.

I really pray that I can reschedule tomorrow and have another session time to recover from it.

Thank you!

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Are you concerned that some part of you will "do" something that you will have to pay the consequences for?

Yes!

Is it a concern about losing time/not being in control of your own actions/not trusting yourself?

Yes!

I’ve entertained the idea of talking with all of us and asking for a truce while she’s here. It feels like that’s not being understood.

Too much to put into words.

She got another verbal rib shot in yesterday when we were visiting her for Easter.

She doesn’t know when to quit. She sees no harm in it and actually sees it as funny I guess.

Thank you for your insights and thoughts

I pray it goes well.

I really pray that I can reschedule tomorrow and have another session time to recover from it.

Thank you!

Okay, I can see how hard that is given that she still needles you, still provokes you into a response that you are unable to control. I can understand why you are really concerned about not knowing what could potentially happen.

Given the imminence of the "threat" (I'm just going to go ahead and call it that) and the lack of time to prepare your "system" in order to minimize collateral damage I would go with this: Be compassionate towards all of yourself. Whatever any parts of you may or may not do all parts will be doing the best they can in the moment.
And look, I don't want to "encourage" anything at all here, but someone throwing away her dentures is absolute brilliance.
Offensive of course to the more adult and "restrained" amongst us, but utter brilliance on another level.
Even in that moment "you" were doing the best you could do. Seriously the woman should be better behaved and more respectful towards you. Then she wouldn't suffer such consequences.
I am so sorry, this is not turning out be helpful at all. But the woman should be kind. And if she isn't kind, then she's just dumb. I am sorry she is not better behaved!!

[Amyjay]

It does sound like you have all sorts of creative ways of dealing with her. Mothers are supposed to be nice. I bet you were a nice mother. She should be too. It isn't right that her daughter should feel this way about her coming to stay for a night. She must have done some dumb stuff to earn that. You wouldn't feel that way for no reason. Parents are supposed to be nice and when they are nice they get nice things back. But when they are mean and nasty and do hurting things of course their kids are not going to want to be around them even when they are grown up! They just remember all the hurt and bad stuff and are scared they are gonna get more of it. She must have done some dumb stuff for you to be feeling so wonky and scared. I know how that feels because I get that way too with my folks. Just remember shes coming for one night and then shes going again okay? Its just one night and maybe some protector ones who are still kind of responsible can be by your side and help you feel stronger and in control. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I hope you will feel much better once she is gone again.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

It does sound like you have all sorts of creative ways of dealing with her. Mothers are supposed to be nice. I bet you were a nice mother. She should be too. It isn't right that her daughter should feel this way about her coming to stay for a night. She must have done some dumb stuff to earn that. You wouldn't feel that way for no reason. Parents are supposed to be nice and when they are nice they get nice things back. But when they are mean and nasty and do hurting things of course their kids are not going to want to be around them even when they are grown up! They just remember all the hurt and bad stuff and are scared they are gonna get more of it. She must have done some dumb stuff for you to be feeling so wonky and scared. I know how that feels because I get that way too with my folks. Just remember shes coming for one night and then shes going again okay? Its just one night and maybe some protector ones who are still kind of responsible can be by your side and help you feel stronger and in control. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I hope you will feel much better once she is gone again.

Thank you for you encouraging words!!

It is just for one night and she has to leave tomorrow morning, for another appointment, by 9ish. That does make it feel better.

I pray it’s non eventful.

Still waiting to hear if my counselor can reschedule my session tonight for another night this week. If he doesn’t have another time available, I’m going to go to my session and see how that goes when I get home.

I agree it shouldn’t be this way and I so wish it wasn’t.

[Amyjay]

Hello.
We are thinking about you today and are sending prayers your way.
Hang in there!

[Solnutty]

How are you, Trailrunner?

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Hello.

We are thinking about you today and are sending prayers your way.

Hang in there!

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I am very happy and relieved to say that her visit was uneventful. Nothing came up MIA and I feel like I was “there” in a functional mode.

The part of me that takes care of things handled it quite well.

What you said earlier about the issue with her teeth being brilliant made me laugh, and I thought about while she was here.

Thank you for that!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Solnutty

How are you, Trailrunner?

I’m doing better this week!

I’m relieved that her visit is checked off my agenda. That is sad to say, but it is the truth.

Thank you for thinking of me!

So I take it she’s gone? Congrats you survived! Probably felt like you held your breath the entire time because it would me! Lol

Glad you are doing better.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

So I take it she’s gone? Congrats you survived! Probably felt like you held your breath the entire time because it would me! Lol

Glad you are doing better.

Thank you!!

[Shazerac]

hee heee. I can’t stop laughing about you throwing away her dentures. That’s just too funny. I dont mean to make light of your concerns, but I think you’re doing the best you can under the circumstances.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I’m doing better this week!

I’m relieved that her visit is checked off my agenda. That is sad to say, but it is the truth.

Thank you for thinking of me!

glad you made it through the visit. I too was surprised at the dentures down the toilet lol hope she never discovered what happened, those things are expensive Ive been told lol

[TrailRunner14]

Your comments about the dentures has continued to make me laugh.

That's not very nice of me to say, but it is true.

The dentures winding up in the toilet reminds me of correcting children for their language and telling them, "don't have a potty mouth!"

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

My mom is spending the night with us tomorrow night.

There are a lot of things wrapped up in those words.

I’ve been in counseling and experienced many somatic memories that are associated with my mom.

I’ve shared this before here. She stayed with us before and somehow I flushed her dentures down the toilet. I didn’t know it after it happened, and spent the day trying to figure out what in the world had happened to them. We searched garbage cans and looked everywhere they could be.

It came back to me in fragments.

I did it.

That was years ago. 3 or 4 maybe? I’m not sure.

She has a doctor appointment tomorrow and one the next morning and ask if she could stay with us overnight.

“Sure” I said!!

What???

I don’t know how this is going to turn out!!

I meet with my counselor tomorrow night and she will be here before I leave and after I get home. I don’t have words to explain what that is threatening to do to me internally.

I have talked about a lot of things that have come forward with my counselor and I’m in the middle of trying to help a part of me feel safe and heard. This all includes my mom!

Is this just me being over dramatic or can someone else see and understand my concern?

I don’t even want to go to sleep tonight!

I don’t want to think about going to sleep tomorrow night with her here.

What could happen!!!

We’ve talked about a lot of not nice things involving her.

I don’t know!

Maybe this is some kind of rant or some kind of flip out.

I don’t know!!

Anybody else?

It’s just weirdness that I can’t sort out.

I understand. Once I figured out that I had MPD/DID or simply a serious dissociative disorder and knew that my family had to be the ones that caused it and promoted it, I began to have fears of my Mom. In my case, not only was I continually physically, emotionally, and psychologically traumatized by my two year older brother and my Mother, but Mom had this book on hypnosis and began trying to hypnotize me very early in my toddler years. When I told the first therapist, Dr. Penny Gardberg, about my Mom applying hypnotic induction to me when I was a toddler, Dr. Gardberg told me that I was delusional. Most of my childhood I thought what Mom was doing was telling me bedtime stories. When I was maybe two, Mom would whisper to me to put me to sleep and then continue whispering to me after I went to sleep. I would struggle to stay awake and listen to her but would doze off, then wake up, then doze off, etc. This went on from my early toddler years until I was about five or six. I read her book on hypnosis as a teenager but did not related it to my problems at that time because I had been programmed to not see what was happening to me as abuse or mistreatment. Anyway when I realized that I was mentally ill after a divorce in 1991 and began seeking treatment, I began to seriously think about my childhood. That was when I began thinking about sleep walking, sleep talking, hypnosis, etc. I finally realized that Mom had been trying to hypnotize me. After that I got scared if Mom tried to come around me when I was sleeping.

The other thing that I figured out was that Mom had contact with my alters but did not see them as different than me. She had had contact with them since my toddler years. Even though I began telling her that I had MPD/DID when I realized it she still had regular contact with my alters. I gave her a copy of Dr. Colin Ross's book to try to help her understand. This was another reason that I became scared to be around her. She did not understand that I would have amnesia for these other sides of me. I could not stop this.