How would you define that in yourselves having alters in a system, both DID and OSDD?

Is your existence in disorder or living in order through co-consciousness or other realms of system wide principles?

I basically find that life (according to the government) means that you can self-support. Are you able to do this? Is your condition so debilitating that you require social assistance? Why?

I understand systems can live on undiscovered (to themselves or undiagnosed) living productive and happy lives....why are we not and here?

Choice Disorder should of read UN-normal life....it won’t let me fix it. Oops, sorry.

[MtnTime2896]

We're not there either

My english is not the best so I am not exactly sure what you are asking. But, I have a productive, happy life. I have a professional career in front of the public. I take care of myself.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

How would you define that in yourselves having alters in a system, both DID and OSDD?

Is your existence in disorder or living in order through co-consciousness or other realms of system wide principles?

I basically find that life (according to the government) means that you can self-support. Are you able to do this? Is your condition so debilitating that you require social assistance? Why?

I understand systems can live on undiscovered (to themselves or undiagnosed) living productive and happy lives....why are we not and here?

I believe that I understand what you are asking but I don't think it's a binary choice - i.e. self-supporting or requiring social assistance. I have always been self-supporting until recently, but it came at a very high price.

I would go to work and interact with the people at work. Sonseearae would go home and interact with the people around our home. Lori would find a restaurant or two far from either of those two places and mingle, making friends with the staffs. Eventually, our worlds would begin to collide. Waitresses at the restaurant Lori was a regular at would come to the casino were I was working, for instance. Suddenly, we had a problem - Lori is mute, I don't shut up. Our solution, we moved - usually within twenty-four hours.

We had a run fund and lived out of suitcases for most of our adult lives (over thirty years now), seldom unpacking the car completely. We've lived in forty states, and in some of those states we lived in twenty cities or towns or more. From Maine to Florida, California to Washington and everywhere in between.

Now suddenly, my physical health bit the big one and I can't work, can't run...now what? The only tools I have in my tool bag require me to have my physical health. Is it possible that, without my DID getting any worse, I've gone from self-supporting to needing assistance? Maybe.

That example I just gave though? I didn't realize that it was DID related before I couldn't do it any longer. That might seem silly, but it was just my normal, I didn't question it. Too, it was only very recently that I discovered that my choice in relationships was pretty much controlled by my alters. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not always aware of the ways in which DIID (or any other physical or mental health challenge) effects my life because it is just my normal life.

[YoucancallmeFlower]

So true. I've been in control of the others for a little while--become
a clock watcher to make sure there are no 'accidents'. But I only have 16 months of normal after 55 years of chaos.
And the thing is, there is still a lot of division even within the single core.
It worries me, though it is totally normal. Those who are not multiples
display a lot of different personality traits; different moods and frames of mind that swing in a wide arc.
It just doesn't scare them. Scares the hell out of me.
I have to put everything under the microscope, examine every action and reaction to make sure it's not an alter trying to sneak out.
Does anyone else find this exhausting?
I am so impatient. Been out of the hospital five weeks now and it seems like it's taking forever to recover. Frustrating. Slept most of the day today. Just tired or lazy or depressed?
Coming here and meeting some of the other DIDs has helped a lot--
just wish I had their courage.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My english is not the best so I am not exactly sure what you are asking. But, I have a productive, happy life. I have a professional career in front of the public. I take care of myself.

Nice. I’ve read about public professionals that have no problem doing what they do as you do. Impressed.

Originally Posted by yagr

I believe that I understand what you are asking but I don't think it's a binary choice - i.e. self-supporting or requiring social assistance. I have always been self-supporting until recently, but it came at a very high price.

I would go to work and interact with the people at work. Sonseearae would go home and interact with the people around our home. Lori would find a restaurant or two far from either of those two places and mingle, making friends with the staffs. Eventually, our worlds would begin to collide. Waitresses at the restaurant Lori was a regular at would come to the casino were I was working, for instance. Suddenly, we had a problem - Lori is mute, I don't shut up. Our solution, we moved - usually within twenty-four hours.

We had a run fund and lived out of suitcases for most of our adult lives (over thirty years now), seldom unpacking the car completely. We've lived in forty states, and in some of those states we lived in twenty cities or towns or more. From Maine to Florida, California to Washington and everywhere in between.

Now suddenly, my physical health bit the big one and I can't work, can't run...now what? The only tools I have in my tool bag require me to have my physical health. Is it possible that, without my DID getting any worse, I've gone from self-supporting to needing assistance? Maybe.

That example I just gave though? I didn't realize that it was DID related before I couldn't do it any longer. That might seem silly, but it was just my normal, I didn't question it. Too, it was only very recently that I discovered that my choice in relationships was pretty much controlled by my alters. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not always aware of the ways in which DIID (or any other physical or mental health challenge) effects my life because it is just my normal life.

I was like you in earlier life....always running and moving. Even to day we have our work parts and home parts of mixed genders and personalities. I know what you are saying. I call it normal, also.

I feel that DID affects every aspect of my life because the things that this body did, the people it shacked up with, the life-styles...things that I would never do or have done has been done.

There is nothing wrong with assistance....but at the moment we ourselves thank God are managing.

Life has been a struggle from the get go...what would make the future any different? So, at least I’m used to it and learned some tricks to tackle the normalness as we know.

I wish you well and good luck with your endeavors....thank you for your reply.

Originally Posted by YoucancallmeFlower

So true. I've been in control of the others for a little while--become
a clock watcher to make sure there are no 'accidents'. But I only have 16 months of normal after 55 years of chaos.
And the thing is, there is still a lot of division even within the single core.
It worries me, though it is totally normal. Those who are not multiples
display a lot of different personality traits; different moods and frames of mind that swing in a wide arc.
It just doesn't scare them. Scares the hell out of me.
I have to put everything under the microscope, examine every action and reaction to make sure it's not an alter trying to sneak out.
Does anyone else find this exhausting?
I am so impatient. Been out of the hospital five weeks now and it seems like it's taking forever to recover. Frustrating. Slept most of the day today. Just tired or lazy or depressed?
Coming here and meeting some of the other DIDs has helped a lot--
just wish I had their courage.

“It is what it is” is what we say. For us...we have zero zilch no control over each other regardless how much we would like to believe we did. Sure we can forcefully teeth clenching stay out a day....but the moment we relax....

My biggest test is...would I’ve done that? Answers that are: well maybe, nah, he’ll no, or OMG tells me that it wasn’t me.

Our system has given in...or resigned to the fact that our life is our normal. It’s an eye opening, eyebrow raising, wide eyed gasp, a no way kind of normal.....amazing to the stuff one can get used to.

It’s took a while to get to acceptance which is the key to serenity...only talking for me though, some of the Others still are in denial or flat out disbelieve...sorry, can’t help that.

Why were you in the hospital? I hope you okay now. Anxiety?

I don’t know....but coming to a system wide acknowledgement out of love has greatly relaxed most inner tensions which has given in to passiveness and acceptance...like an atmosphere that even the wildest absorbs that they have to admit is wholesome. How you get there is a personal journey which is done by a therapist. But we smoke tons of weed, drank barrels of alcohol, everything else....but admitting to myself that yes, there are Others and I’m accepting of them has done more for me then anything else. So we had trauma, abuse, blah...but here and now: we be.

I think we commit to small daily goals one day at a time. Get a routine. Go to work, make money, pay bills, eat, and do it again...all for survival.

So we all go to work, do homelife, do shopping...each getting their moment, but ultimately, survival.

Will this work for you? I don’t know...but it works for us.

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

How would you define that in yourselves having alters in a system, both DID and OSDD?

Is your existence in disorder or living in order through co-consciousness or other realms of system wide principles?

I basically find that life (according to the government) means that you can self-support. Are you able to do this? Is your condition so debilitating that you require social assistance? Why?

I understand systems can live on undiscovered (to themselves or undiagnosed) living productive and happy lives....why are we not and here?

Life is complicated. Because my father was a Medical Doctor, I lived in an upper middle class house. He basically paid for my college and living expenses while I attended college. So I was not under extreme stress during those years. I now know that I was switching all during college. I have had some recovered memories. I never developed close friends in college. That should have been a hint that I was mentally ill but it did not register with me. So my dissociative disorder did not stop me from graduating. I have two bachelor degrees in engineering.

Having said that, my dissociative disorder kept me from having close relationships. That is a type of disability and it will lead to eventual breakdown if help is not gotten. You cannot maintain a job if you cannot develop and manage relationships!

I did not come completely unglued and unable to maintain a job until I realized that I had a dissociative disorder, tried to get help for six years or more, had too many stressors hit me all at once, and finally had that breakdown.

There was no reason that had to happen to me. I had gone to many, many mental health professionals.

Yeah Mike, it’s like, we spent the last 19 years self-employed to avoid any social entanglements. We have to have a reason/job/goal to be socializing and we won’t do it on a personal level. We always met new clients, but we have a part that is very vocal who did the meetings that sold our talents and did not much beyond that for we are timid at best.

When I had relationships, or an Other did, we we’re switching but didn’t realize/know it....looking back today like you said. Every relationship hit dirt because an Other would be like hating and soon they would destroy what we have built...some wanted in and some wanted out...can’t make everyone happy. So when not working, we sit in our room typing on the internet.

We work a physical job separated from other co-employees which makes it a plus, of course we finally have our public relations alters that deal with people contact....

Something that I noticed is that once I graduated high school, I had no boundaries and no daily scheduled time structure to adhere to- we fell apart left on our own devices leading to very bad life decisions based on self-loathing and hate. That’s when I discovered that there was something wrong with me and have struggled with ever since. Being in an institution where routine is delegated such as school, jail, or psych hospital is where we thrived. Free time and space leaves us in limbo as to what to do...especially since it’s an inner struggle to decide on a project unilaterally.

It seems like I slip in and out of Disorder...considering us as just a Multiple at times...but only when the times are good though....everyone functioning as a well oiled machine living day by day. When we have a system wide snafu or breakdown over some situation or event, butt hurt feelings, or confusion and negativity permeates the masses....then it feels like a Disorder.