[Laurel1562]

Has anyone ever lost a part? And if so were you able to get it/her/him back?

My part that I name Happy Homemaker--what she calls herself I don't know since she is not available--went away over ten years ago. She used to organize everything in the household, made schedules, menus, enjoyed cooking,did the shopping, made a budget and paid bills and stuff like that. She loved that kind of stuff. She also sewed and enjoyed it. She did the taxes and had a lot of confidence. I miss her. She used to take care of us.

It's almost like she died. Can parts/alters die? I want her back.

we are an all female system

at one point however, we did have a male alter... 4 year old kid called jake

have no idea what happened to him- absolutely no idea, and we don't see him in the system anymore.

on a related note, I wonder how many people's hosts arn't around? (the person who owns the body)

our one's not been around forever and it's making things complicated

Alters can not die, but they can go dormant or integrate. I’ve had alters re-emerge after years of dormancy with all their memories flooding back in. Keep looking...maybe she will reappear.

[Laurel1562]

This one has definitely not integrated. All she could do, the enthusiasm with which she did it, is gone. We miss her so much.

[Amyjay]

Yes, we have had alters that have been "absent" for a long time. One who took care of everyday life things hasn't been around for a long time. We are muddling through without her but we are not good at the things that she used to do, like cooking an housework.

I don't believe in the concept of a host and neither does my therapist. It doesn't apply to us at any rate. We never had one whole integrated sense of self. Babies don't come into the world with their personality already formed. They form their personality between birth and six years of age, based on their experiences. What formed based on our experiences was.... us.

[PadawanLamia]

Can I "kill off" a part/alter?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Laurel1562

Has anyone ever lost a part? And if so were you able to get it/her/him back?

My part that I name Happy Homemaker--what she calls herself I don't know since she is not available--went away over ten years ago. She used to organize everything in the household, made schedules, menus, enjoyed cooking,did the shopping, made a budget and paid bills and stuff like that. She loved that kind of stuff. She also sewed and enjoyed it. She did the taxes and had a lot of confidence. I miss her. She used to take care of us.

It's almost like she died. Can parts/alters die? I want her back.

no i have never lost my alters associated with my dissociative disorders. I have lost my imaginary friends and do lose my psychosis induced alters that are a result of my other physical and mental problems like bipolar disorder, MS, and others.

Short version my dissociative alters (alters because of having dissociative disorders) were dissociative related. which means when ever I or my alters dissociated the alter who's sense of agency it was to handle what ever triggered my or my alters dissociating would take control and handle those things that I or my other alters could not handle...

Example if I or Rainy dissociated during intimacy then Thelma the alter that handled intimacy took control.

Thelma stopped taking control during intimacy when I and the other alters stopped dissociating because of intimacy. When Thelma was no longer needed to do her sense of agency she naturally integrated with me to form one whole person again.

integration wasnt this big bang process with me. it was just one day during an intimate moment I knew what to do and how to do it and it wasnt scary for me, did not trigger me any more.

I did not think wow where is thelma why isnt she here did she die, why isnt she here. it was just like any other normal human being thought of hey this is great I can do this now. everything thelma was is now me.

my suggestion is maybe instead of worrying about where this alter is. look at whether you or someone else is doing the housework, who is paying the bills, who is doing the cooking...

you said in your post this alter was not around for 10 years, you are alive and posting here so someone must be going shopping for groceries, cooking the meals and eating the meals. your posts dont say you are homeless and unless you are at a free computer access place like your library someone had to have bought you the computer you are using or found it when the need arose for a computer. someone did the taxes this past april if you have a paying job of some kind....

maybe check to see if you have anyone else who has a happy emotion where they didnt before, maybe see who is it that is actually doing these things maybe everything this alter was got doled out among not just one but rather who needed to be able to do or feel those things...

my point is you may not sense her as the whole of what she was but if things that she did like cooking, cleaning, taxes are still getting done either she is still taking control when you or your others are dissociating or what she was is now integrated with you and the other alters.

when you really think about it a human being cant go 10 years without eating a cooked meal unless they have the kind of trust fund or job that allows them to eat mcdonalds, denny, IHOP and other more upscale restaurants. the alter that did those things either has to be there still or someone else had to have taken over that sense of agency (integrated)

taxes here in america are a mandatory thing if someone is in the work force. either you do taxes and get money back or you do taxes and owe the government. and if you miss doing your taxes someone from IRS eventually catches up with you. ten years of not doing taxes well unless a person is rich and famous they dont .......Usually......allow 10 years to go by with someone not claiming their money back or gipping out the government....

my suggestion is check with the IRS and find out when the last time your taxes were done, if they say with in the past 10 years you have nothing to worry about, either that alter is still doing their part when ever you or the others dissociate or what that alter was has now been integrated into another who is doing the taxes, if you are the one now doing your taxes and know how to do them or know how to go about getting someone to do them then what that alter was is now part of you....

my point maybe doing some reality testing will get your answers. with dissociation disorders reality testing remains intact(diagnostic criteria ) check whats really going on,

just ask yourself some reality based questions like...

have I or any of the others at anything today..... the human body cant go 10 years without .....someone..... cooking and eating meals or having a feeding tube surgery.

[Laurel1562]

Thank you everyone for all your responses!

I wrote my missing part a letter and I received some answers. She is/was more of an organizer part and she enjoyed and had confidence doing the things she did. She directed other parts to do jobs according to a schedule.

So the things she directed others to do they are still doing, but not on a good schedule and there is a lot of procrastination. Sandi does the dishes most of the time and she has been doing them for a long time. She also does the laundry but is not disciplined enough to fold it and put it away most of the time. But no one is exercising. The organizer was the steam in that engine. The bathrooms rarely get cleaned and the dusting and vacuuming are mostly neglected.

The one writing now does the cooking and shopping and finances, but most of the time there is no menu made and the shopping list is incomplete. We don't go shopping alone much anymore. The husband comes with us most of the time. The one writing now also does the taxes, but with no confidence, always fearful of mistakes. The one in charge now has ADHD and is unreliable.

The angry one also does things when no one else will.

I asked my parts to tell me if any of them are suppressing/fighting my organizer/caretaker part from coming out. Then she answered me. She is still here (hiding in plain sight). But she applies her organizing managing skills on other people in my life (husband, daughter). She doesn't apply it to us because Billy won't allow it. He doesn't want her to have control over us, because only he is strong enough to keep Janus from killing us. His job is keeping us alive.

I will need to talk to T about this. Maybe somehow we can convince Billy to let the organizer come out more, to do for us what she used to: bring order and discipline and get the body into shape.

i really hope Billy will let her come back. i feel so lost and Billy doesn't help around the house. sandi

[Amyjay]

Nice work! We are in a very similar situation with regards to daily life issues. We are managing to get them done, but they are done late and veery poorly. We know why our one who does all of that stuff isn't around at the moment and it is "for the best" too.
Good work though. Well done.

[Laurel1562]

I found another place she still operates. I tried to think of a part with a new happiness like Amanda suggested and this investigation led to a world that opened up to us a little over 10 years ago. The world of MMORPG's.

My system works mainly through influence with only a few of my parts seizing executive control. The homemaker/organizer has been an influencer. And now she does her thing freely in the virtual world; cooking, crafting (which includes things like tailoring and blacksmithing), selling, and here she is happy.

When one road closes, the detour appears.

Thank you, thank you, Amanda, for pointing the way. You are wise. A shining star!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Laurel1562

I found another place she still operates. I tried to think of a part with a new happiness like Amanda suggested and this investigation led to a world that opened up to us a little over 10 years ago. The world of MMORPG's.

My system works mainly through influence with only a few of my parts seizing executive control. The homemaker/organizer has been an influencer. And now she does her thing freely in the virtual world; cooking, crafting (which includes things like tailoring and blacksmithing), selling, and here she is happy.

When one road closes, the detour appears.

Thank you, thank you, Amanda, for pointing the way. You are wise. A shining star!

Im glad my post helped you but I also want to be clear here. my post wasnt about multiplayer online role playing games. (your word MMORPG's) or alters being influenced to play fantasy / pretending to cook and such.

the word influence means someone has convinced, bribed or other wise used power against another.

my post was not saying that maybe your sad alter was being influenced by another alter to be happy.

I was saying the happy alter may have integrated, merged together with another alter.

example take two glasses of water, one cold and one hot, now in a third larger glass mix the two together. the cold water is not bribing, convincing or other wise using power against the hot water and the hot water is not bribing, convincing or other wise using power against the cold water. they are just mixing together.

another example scramble an egg. the white mixes in with the yolk to form a new way of being.

alters are like that when they become one or are not performing their jobs any more. they mix together a sad alter is able to feel and be happy, with no one telling them to be happy or influence them to be happy.

thats what I was talking about two alters merging together to form one way of being.

as for your alters doing online roll playing games I think thats really great. my alters were not able to do that. none of my alters had any computer skills or knowledge im guessing because when they were created due to the extreme trauma I went through there were no computers where I was located. Heck my first cell phone was after I grew up and went to college. and none of my alters could work them either because they were so different than the phone we had on the reservation. working computers are not triggering for me so even if I still had alters I would not be dissociating while on the computer so i would not need their help anyway. but it is great that your alters can do things on the computer.

it means they have the ability to learn, alters that are not stuck in time so to speak heal and integrate faster than others that are stuck in time because they can understand that everyone is safe now. they can also learn the skills and such that you learn in therapy like grounding, staying present, handling triggers and other therapy stuff that happens with this kind of disorder.

my point you will have an easier and faster healing process then I did because you can all do things like communicate with each other and learn, evolve. my alters could not do those things. we didnt have a lot of co consciousness and such.

[Laurel1562]

I understand what you are saying, Amanda. What I was saying is your question to look for a part with a new happiness, that you were saying could be a sign of some merging or blending, allowed me to find the Organizer, who had not merged, but was operating still, but in a different arena--a game, not real life. Same job, different "world."

Last night, my parts Scout and Scholar had a talk with Billy and nonconfrontationally told him that blocking the Organizer from having control was not good for the system and that allowing her back into real life function would actually make his job easier. (His function is to guard against internal threat.) Scout and Scholar are part of the team to guard against external threat, but they also function as protection for the entire system.

I didn't hear an answer from him last night, but this morning when I woke up, Organizer was there, already ordering my day! I realize this doesn't mean she will never go away again, but I am very encouraged. She did mobilize the Angry One to accomplish some tasks which was unpleasant to any who talked to us at the time because she is snappy!