in dark place

i cannot seem to break this cycle. crying alone every day. and then pretending to be fine, trying to get to work.

feel like I am drowning and hopeless.

not sure what else to do

maybe you can ask your insiders to help you. before I was integrated any time I had a problem the alter who's sense of agency it was to deal with that issue would take control and handle that problem.

each persons internal system of alters are set up in a way that ensures their protection and survival. so maybe theres someone inside that can help with what ever this cycle is and what ever else is going on tats making you cry and pretend to be fine.

I'm sorry you are feeling so hopeless. Here are links to 6 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that offer suggestions for how to manage thoughts of worthlessness & hopelessness. Hopefully there will be something in some of these articles that can be of some help:

Feeling Worthless and Depression

9 Types of Hopelessness and How to Overcome Them

When You Feel Worthless

When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly

8 Steps to Like Yourself (More)

https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-f...ure-depressed/

My best wishes to you...

Unsure I how this goes but for us,

We make sure to write out the journal of those whom the experiences belonged too and those whom learn later. It will be that way until they blend, I'm sure whole people singleton will remain to feel splintered about certain things in society....I think what is helpful is knowing who is hide crying so that we don't do that much invalidatation. A part of acceptance is to moving on I'm in a patch were I actually want it can only manage a few trickles of tears. Probably because crying was unsafe especially for males in the syst. By the way, I count all o fmy wimpers and sad faces....

Some of mind find anything wrng so when two are perceivable jealous because big cries belong to some others than I have to tell them to get visine, and fake it.

Took me a long time to realize that pretending to be fine was such a big problem. Have an insider whose total job is *being fine*, convincing others we are fine, acting fine, looking fine. Successfully convinced therapists, police, co-workers et al. She's really good at it. Got a T who accepted her for that but began checking with others about not feeling fine. That was a significant difference. He did NOT call her a liar or fake. But listened to the others who were crying, mad that we helped other people but they never helped us, isolating etc. We still need her to face the world. We are not good at picking the best people to trust with feelings. Now we have one...our T. A world of difference when we can say she's fine but x, y, z are not. What can we do to help them? Take care of yourself.