My little characters

I feel too grown up for this so it’s been really bothering me lately. For as long as I can remember I’ve escaped my life through “characters” with there own lives in my head. These characters aren’t necessarily me but I feel in some ways shares a lot of my struggles and traits. I can see their lives as if from my own perspective. As a kid I’d space out a lot not realizing it and it’d make my parents mad because I didn’t hear them speak to me. So I always got exited to go to bed so I could zone out without anybody knowing. As time has gone by, they evolved a bit, but in many ways I feel like they are still the exact same individuals. “Playing” or “talking” with them always made me feel less lonely and some things that happened in my life seemed to be transferred to them in a way I could cope. I have since made the characters into a story because I always just liked them, they felt sort of real to me. I described an event that happened to one character that my stepmom informed me had happened to me. (I did not want her to read my writing but she did anyway) I had no memory of this event. I just know that was what happened to my character.

My concern is, I’m 22 and I always assumed I’d stop doing this by now. But I still space out, even at work, and find myself almost interacting with or being these characters... I’m not sure if I’m explaining it right. I still feel like they’re right there with me as much as I did when I was little. Sometimes I’ll even go about my day zoned out and I have very little memories of the things I’d said or done. People will tell me things and I don’t believe it because that just doesn’t sound like me at all. It’s not something I would say or do. Not that it was bad. It just was unlike me. Sometimes I’m also aware, but I feel oddly like I’m not in full control and I’ll say and do things and it’s almost like I’m watching from the back. Like in a dream where you can’t control what you’re doing and everything is a little fuzzy. I know it sounds a lot like DID but I don’t think it’s as extreme as that. Honestly I’m just very confused.

I wanted to keep this short so I won’t say much more, but if anyone has questions I’ll answer them. I’m just wondering if anyone else experiences this or if they know what’s going on? Thank you!

It’s occured to me that this thread indicates I’m requesting a diagnosis, however this is not necessary the case as I remember that is not permitted on this website. Perhaps what I am more searching for is reassurance that this is something others experience, and that, perhaps, it’s not something that needs to be diagnosed or treated.

I didn't take your post as needing a diagnosis, I was more in the mind that you were talking about imaginary friends, which is different than having DID/ and alters.

most if not all of my own imaginary friends were gone by the time I was a teen ager and as an adult my treatment providers had to rule out/ not consider my imaginary friends/ characters as being part of my DID due to the diagnostic requirements for having DID.

my alters with DID were not the kind that I could choose to be, or play with them.

it wasn't something I could do out of being bored, lonely or nothing else to do or daydreaming.

for me it was major panic attack due to a major trigger, brains automatic fight or flight response kicked in, have major dissociation symptoms then the alter whos sense of agency was to handle that trigger took control and handled that extremely triggering situation....

heres an example.... my alter rainy,... her sense of agency (relatively new term associated with DID diagnostics, that just means alters have their own jobs, purposes reasons for being dissociatively created, who and what they are, what they can and cant do, what causes them to take control, how much control they have.....lots of good stuff now defines what is and isn't a dissociative type alter)

my point is rainys sense of agency was that when I was extremely abused before age 5 during a thunder storm, my brain did its flight or fight response, dissociated everything about that trauma into my unconsciousness and the result was Rainy. a dissociative alter who's job purpose, reason for being was to handle being abused during a thunder storm and getting home, changing out of wet clothing, getting warn and dry.

all through my whole life time any time there was a storm Rainy would take control, why because storms was the trigger. its what caused my brain to go into flight or fight automatic responses and switch my normal way of being to that of what was stored unconsciously, once switched to the unconscious personality rainy was who my brain routed things to because the trigger matched what and who rainy was, what her sense of agency was.

rainy didn't take control just because I was bored and spaced out and lonely. She didn't take control any time I was being punished and sent to my room.

my point is there was more to being my alters then my willfully imagining characters/imaginary friends. my dissociative alters were what happened to me vs my imaginary friends/ characters were in my control.

my suggestion is maybe contact your treatment providers, they can do the diagnostic testing to see what and who your characters are and whether or not they fit the diagnostics for dissociative alters.

what my treatment providers and I did for that was basic CBT, thought stopping. when ever I noticed I was playing with my characters, or talking to my characters I would remind myself that just because I was bored or lonely does not mean I need to imagine friends or pretend to be someone else. I can find something else to do and call a friend. then I get busy doing external things instead of staying stuck in my daydreams.

what my treatment provider and I did for my dissociative type alters was using breathing and relaxation exercises and then when grounded figure out what the trigger was, this enabled us to find ways to stay grounded instead of triggered, dissociating.

I think it's so interesting, the experiences you've shared. Of course, I can't even begin to actually know what's going on for you and your characters.


A number of thoughts come to my mind...that your characters are a way of self-comforting...escaping into your own world. I also have to toss out there that writers/creators often have "people" in their minds; characters who have identities and somewhat take on a life of their own.


Then, too, there's dissociation. Could the characters be various parts of yourself?

Anybody's guess, until you speak with a qualified mental health professional, of course.

Hello!

Just yesterday I started to cry because my ''little character'' was really sad. I try not to zone out in public, my face lives a little with my characters . Sometimes I'm good with this. My main rule still is (tries to be) this idea: ''So I always got exited to go to bed so I could zone out without anybody knowing.'' But sometimes I do it in class, in work...everywhere. Usually when I realise I do faces again in public or something like that, I quit and keep telling myself that if I'm not zoning out today, I get a reward at the evening. So I tell myself if I don't ''play'' out there in the world, I can take time in the evening and make my playing time special. I take about 30minutes and allow myself to frown and cry with the characters. This way I also save my favorite stories from getting boring.

I remember few years back, in school, I did this so often I can't remember really anything when I was 13-14 years old. Sometimes I ''woke up'' in friday and realised I've been in school, maybe even talked to people, but I didn't really remember anything. It was horrible. SO I think this point: ''Sometimes I’ll even go about my day zoned out and I have very little memories of the things I’d said or done. People will tell me things and I don’t believe it because that just doesn’t sound like me at all. It’s not something I would say or do. Not that it was bad. It just was unlike me.'' Is bad and you either need to really work this by yourself or then seek help. Like a therapist or something like that 'cause I think there's a reason for zoning out. I know that I do zoning out more when things are too monotonous, but then there's lot of... triggers I would say, that I'm not aware of yet. Maybe if you would know your triggers, you would know how to deal with them.

I also have thought about DID a little, but I don't know. I'm not really into diagnoses.

I don't know If this was any help or did I answered any questions. I just red this and found it so like me (I'm 21 by the way) and felt like I just quickly wanted to write something (and for the first time without google translate ) Anyway You are great, don't worry. You are not alone. If you have a doubt '' should I see a doctor?'' , go and see one. And if the doctor says something really wise, put it in here so I can read it, haha. Maybe I'm a little confused too....

Lot of hugs and love <3
Bye

First I would like to say thank you for your reply! I do appreciate it. But I’d also like to clarify that I know it’s not DID, I can’t remember if I made that clear before. I’m familiar with the disorder and how it works so I knew that wasn’t it. My post got moved to this section.

My concern was that the spacing out was unwilling and not set off by boredom. When I zone out and find myself with these people, (characters or imaginary friends whatever they are) I’m apparently still talking and interacting with people in the real world (except for brief periods where people say I go silent). I just don’t always know what’s going on. Sometimes I do though like I said before.

My work requires a lot of attention and social interaction making it extremely inconvenient to zone out. I’m not bored, I’m not lonely. It’s actually a bit too over stimulating that I can hardly keep a proper conversation with a client, let alone concentrate on an imaginary world. But it’s like suddenly I’ll snap out of it with only memories of my imagined world and not what happened with the real one.

Perhaps the characters are just imaginary friends in my head and I am wrong to correlate them with the other things I can’t explain. I just couldn’t help but try to make a connection because my apparent memory loss seemed to frequently coincide with my made up world.

Again, I’m not really trying to claim I have anything, because I haven’t heard of anything like this. I’m just wondering if anyone else experiences this. Once I remember being very startled when I suddenly snapped out of it and realized I had no memories of the previous couple of days. Nothing. It was like I’d just woke up. But I had memories of these characters.... It actually makes no sense to me whatsoever and I’m actually second guessing posted this reply because it almost sounds made up. If nobody can relate, maybe I’m just dillusional.

Thanks so much for your reply! Glad to know that I am at least not alone. I’m afraid to go to a doctor because I’m am just concerned they won’t take me seriously. But if I find anything out. I’ll let you know

If someone checks out (unwillingly) for some period of time, that would usually indicate some type of dissociation. DID is an extreme; there are many types of dissociation besides DID.

All of this helps me see things in myself. Thank you, all of you! Also, SO INTERESTING! Hugs to all of you!