[Juliaspavlov]

I walked around in shadows for about 3 weeks
following an episode of torture and sex abuse

My brother helped me out of it. He seemed
to know something was wrong!
He said "I know what will help you.Here
take this medicine.(it was Castor oil)
when I took it suddenly I was out of the
shadows in the sunshine looking under
the house where the t.... and ab..... took place.
I felt back to reality in a sense and felt grateful
to my brother.

Another time similar shadows etc and unawareness
of what was real or not
and my elderly neighbour called me in.
She said 'you do not have to let ......... do those
things you know?
same thing I came out of it and felt grateful to her.
But I remember every second of torture and sex abuse.
I can picture it very clearly anytime I want.(but don't want to)
its these shadowy periods I can't remember much except
shadows....(I have only mentioned 2 times but there were
much more than 2 times. I have not really sought help for it before.
sincerely wondering about this!!!
and appreciate answers from those that understand.

[pegasus]

Well we can't make a diagnosis here but if it is to do with trauma it is likely to be on the PTSD- DID scale.

I really feel for you, it would be a very good idea to seek a therapist to help with this. You don't need to suffer with this alone and you are very brave to talk about this here.

Therapy really would help.

I send gentle hugs (((((((((( Juliaspavlov )))))))))

((((((((julia))))))))))

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((juliaspavlov))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry about what happened to you. You may want to consider seeing someone to help you work through this. Trauma can be hard to work through by yourself.

BB

[Juliaspavlov]

thanks Pegasus
Muffy
Bipolar Bear.

the abuse was between 3 and 6 and later on
more at different ages.

but the main shadows happening was between
3 and 6. Have had amnesia at later ages
which was wrongly diagnosed as epilepsy.
I have a condition called BIH too much fluid
in the brain. More members of my family have
suffered amnesia.One was found walking around London
and nobody knows how he got there from Australia.
They went and brought him back.

I just have always wondered about DID and if
the shadows were dissociative.
The mention of trauma above highlighted to me.
I do know I have gone thru PTSD many times.
Mainly I feel level about things that I've survived
It's just that reading it happen to so many I thought
it might do me good to voice some of my own history.
My main problem nowadays besides sons etc. is
low self esteem and depression.Am taking aropax
currently since the death of a friend son in hosp
and my eldest sons traumas.
I appreciate your answers guys (gals)
luv Joey/Julia

[Zorah]

Darling {{{{{Jjulia}}}}}

ya know you can PM us any time

in our experience PTSD usually leads to dissociative episodes, with flashbacks

given the early age of your abuse though, it is quite possible that you are DID ( we don't have pegasus' inhibitions about making dx suggestions on line)
it is unusual to get a dx of DID unless you are foolish enough to present at the local hospital while you are dissed out. they can't help you, so a dx will be useless, also it will discredit you when you must deal with your sons shrinks.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Zorah said:
in our experience PTSD usually leads to dissociative episodes, with flashbacks

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That was my thought as well after I read this thread...... I would suggest that she seek a good T to find out if it is DID or PTSD - or some thing else.

Good Luck.... ((( hugs )))

[Juliaspavlov]

Thanks Zorah
Thanks Rhapsody

I understand re your understanding!!!!!!!

[Kiya]

this seems a good thread to post questions i have... if i may be permitted....here is my confusion- i feel like things internally are shifting and that worries me some. I tried to define it to T but she just looked at me confused. She's an anxiety specialist, so she may have no understanding of what i am talking about.

I look at things and while seeing them, i also see other things and feel like i'm falling apart... ie; i saw a white VW van and while looking at it i felt like i was being nudged into a different reality than my actual one of driving to T. I kept seeing flickerings of other things that I couldn't comprehend. We had a blue vw van - very different from the one i saw... but we knew ppl who had one like that. Both tend to make my skin crawl for some reason. I am unclear if these are flashbacks, or panic, or my induction to insanity... afraid to tell t, but when i tried, it didn't make any sense anyway.

[Juliaspavlov]

Sorry Kiya I don't actually know in your case.

Well a funny thing I chose to put my 500'th
post here in DID.

One day we will all know what we are!
and we will all be at peace in our headspace.
I love everyone here
and

[Juliaspavlov]

PS I am a bit sad because
my uncle Sam Hampton just died
he used to be among my protectors.
His son Paul also used to protect me.

My (good uncle) Sam
used to call me a 'smoocher'
which I treasured inside my heart.
He would say
I know what you want you lil smoocher
because I would wriggle up next to him to
get a cuddle.
When I would have the swamp of snakes dream
always the kooris(aboriginals) would
get me out of harms way.

just reminiscing I wish my skin were black too.
I have a koori heart.
and I am protected now. I wish we
were able to bash our victimizers
Im sure my good uncle Sam would for me if he
could. I havent had the bashing those ratbags dream
for a long time, maybe tonight.
PS my good thoughts don't go to the ratbags.IRL