[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

I am not feeling well right now emotionally. I went to my session on Thursday and 5 mins into it til supper, everything was a blur. I phoned my t yesterday and left a message explaining to her that I am in a middle of a dissociation episode and feel overwhelmed.

This is the first time I have asked for help when i am this way.

It's good that you were able to acknowledge what dissociation you were experiencing, and it was good that you were able to ask for help! It's not easy, and it gets scary sometimes, but it may mean that you have a part who is willing to share some things in therapy and acknowledge how that part is protecting and helping you, too. It takes time for the parts to get to know you, and for you to know your parts. Hopefully your T helps you to feel less anxious and scared about the dissociation, and hopefully your T helps you and your alters to get to know one another when you all feel safe to do so.

I had flashbacks of my mother's abuse yesterday

ugg. she doesn't leave me alone even though she'sno where near me.

hate flashbacks

[SprinkL3]

Raging Vortex,

So sorry you had flashbacks yesterday. We hate flashbacks, too.

Hope you feel better.

[Taylor27]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

It's good that you were able to acknowledge what dissociation you were experiencing, and it was good that you were able to ask for help! It's not easy, and it gets scary sometimes, but it may mean that you have a part who is willing to share some things in therapy and acknowledge how that part is protecting and helping you, too. It takes time for the parts to get to know you, and for you to know your parts. Hopefully your T helps you to feel less anxious and scared about the dissociation, and hopefully your T helps you and your alters to get to know one another when you all feel safe to do so.

I am starting to understand myself. For many years I always thought it was anxiety crisis mode. Now I am understanding that it's part of dissociation and it might mean I have parts too. I am relieved that im starting to come to terms, it's scary. I think my therapist is trained to help

[Taylor27]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I had flashbacks of my mother's abuse yesterday

ugg. she doesn't leave me alone even though she'sno where near me.

hate flashbacks

Those flashbacks are very hard, I have them to everytime I have to talk to my Dad or Step Mom

[stahrgeyzer]

Not sure who but another part contacted my DID therapist to start therapy again. I read the text messages. He said I can start therapy if I agree to apply for disability. The reason I quit therapy months ago is because he got angry at me for not applying. He kept saying I have a disability. I'm so burnt out on therapists!

[Taylor27]

Feeling very tired and very anxious today. I know my therapist will call me tomorrow and I hope I can explain to her how i dissociated in the session and what led up to it happening. This is not the first time it has happened, it is the first time I am aware of it.

[Breaking Dawn]

I dissociated my Saturday away. And I haven't been all the way here today. But it all seems to be better now. And thank you all for being here!

[SprinkL3]

My system is conflicted. Some of us want to go out and enjoy walking again. We need the movement, exercise, and weight loss! We would wear masks and gloves when going out, and maybe a beanie, too, so we'd be protected. We'd also wear contact lenses and sunglasses or just regular glasses, in hopes to hide our Asian features and avoid getting hated on. But many parts are still too afraid of going out alone. We have protector parts, but we don't want to get in trouble. We don't know how to use the pepper spray we bought from Target. It's also hidden somewhere. We can't find it. But we miss being outside. We haven't been outside for a long time. The rec rehab lady said she would walk with us, but we are waiting for boosters.

[Breaking Dawn]

It recently seems that some changes have been taking place, sometimes in the positive direction.

[SprinkL3]

I am tired. I have been tired for the past few days. Being co-conscious is exhausting.

[stahrgeyzer]

I feel so dissociated and depressed. Feels like I’m controlling my body remotely far away.

[SprinkL3]

Sometimes I want to go back and not know anything anymore - not be co-con (co-conscious) anymore, and just live a dissociated, multiple life. Life is really scary at the moment.

[katmc1]

Hi. I have been thinking I might have DID for a while but my therapist said I have PTSD and that I dissociate. I think I am not aware of a lot of things and feelings and why I do some things but I wonder how therapists decide if it is DID or PTSD. Do they say PTSD if they don't think DID exists? When I tell him I feel like a child or kitten or anything else that I am worried about, he makes me think I am normal and okay. So maybe I am okay and just worrying?

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by katmc1

Hi. I have been thinking I might have DID for a while but my therapist said I have PTSD and that I dissociate. I think I am not aware of a lot of things and feelings and why I do some things but I wonder how therapists decide if it is DID or PTSD. Do they say PTSD if they don't think DID exists? When I tell him I feel like a child or kitten or anything else that I am worried about, he makes me think I am normal and okay. So maybe I am okay and just worrying?

Oh, my goodness, welcome to this thread! This is the right place to be. I myself am just a member here, & thankful for it, a place to go where we are understood. I hope you stay with us.

[katmc1]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Oh, my goodness, welcome to this thread! This is the right place to be. I myself am just a member here, & thankful for it, a place to go where we are understood. I hope you stay with us.

Thank you. I will. I was thinking of posting a few months ago but I wasn't sure if I belonged so I didn't know if I should.

[Taylor27]

I am feeling more better. I got some really good news yesterday my therapist is not getting fired for now. She also called me and she told me I am making good progress even though it feels scary to dissociate. I feel more grounded then I have been in a very long time.

[Taylor27]

Originally Posted by katmc1

Hi. I have been thinking I might have DID for a while but my therapist said I have PTSD and that I dissociate. I think I am not aware of a lot of things and feelings and why I do some things but I wonder how therapists decide if it is DID or PTSD. Do they say PTSD if they don't think DID exists? When I tell him I feel like a child or kitten or anything else that I am worried about, he makes me think I am normal and okay. So maybe I am okay and just worrying?

I can relate so much to what you are saying. Allot of therapist will deny did because they do not understand. I know for me it's been a learning process and seeking out support that I know i have both. I hope your therapist can help you. Welcome to this forum. So glad you are here.

[katmc1]

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

I can relate so much to what you are saying. Allot of therapist will deny did because they do not understand. I know for me it's been a learning process and seeking out support that I know i have both. I hope your therapist can help you. Welcome to this forum. So glad you are here.

Thank you. I hope so. They say that the therapy is time based and usually 12 one hour sessions. I think I will need more. So at the end of the year, hopefully I won't have to be done.

[Breaking Dawn]

I hope it's ok to say God bless all of you & thank you for being here? I feel like such a weirdo so much of the time.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by katmc1

Hi. I have been thinking I might have DID for a while but my therapist said I have PTSD and that I dissociate. I think I am not aware of a lot of things and feelings and why I do some things but I wonder how therapists decide if it is DID or PTSD. Do they say PTSD if they don't think DID exists? When I tell him I feel like a child or kitten or anything else that I am worried about, he makes me think I am normal and okay. So maybe I am okay and just worrying?

Welcome to this thread!

DID remains controversial.

It's hard enough finding a good trauma specialist, but even harder to find one who assesses and treats DID. Not all mental health professionals use the same battery of tests or evaluations to diagnose.

If you are feeling undermined or minimized by your T, or if your T is not really evaluating you the way you believe you should be evaluated, you can ask for another T or simply quit that T and find a new one in a different network that treats dissociation and trauma. If you call around to therapists or view their lists online, ask specifically if they treat and/or evaluate dissociative disorders. If they try to question your integrity as to why you're asking that, they are likely not the right therapists. The right kind of therapists to treat dissociative disorders will answer with a simple yes or no, the same way they would answer anyone who asks if they treat bipolar, depression, anxiety, eating disorders. Those disorders don't get the interrogation-like questioning of, "Why would you think you have dissociation?" Or "let's first see if you actually have that." Instead, with non-dissociative disorders, the answers are pretty straightforward.

So, to find a good therapist who takes you and your dissociative symptoms seriously, regardless of what dissociative disorder you may or may not meet the diagnostic criteria for, just simply ask if the therapist treats dissociation, and then see how they answer. That's the most simplest way to test the waters without wasting tons of copay monies on initial visits that wind up going nowhere. I've spent thousands of dollars trying to find the right therapist. And even then, not everyone is a good fit. I've dealt with short-term therapists and long-ish-term therapists. I finally found a really good one - the one I currently have, who has been my therapists the longest (for over 2 years now). But for the 15 prior years, I've not had that good of luck.

You came to the right place!

I'm sorry you struggle with dissociation.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

I am feeling more better. I got some really good news yesterday my therapist is not getting fired for now. She also called me and she told me I am making good progress even though it feels scary to dissociate. I feel more grounded then I have been in a very long time.

So glad that things are working out! So sorry you had to struggle with this though. Glad you were able to get grounded.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

I hope it's ok to say God bless all of you & thank you for being here? I feel like such a weirdo so much of the time.

I'm okay with that! God bless you, too!

I'm agnostic, but I am okay with that.

I, too, feel like a weirdo. I like weird. :P

[katmc1]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

Welcome to this thread!

DID remains controversial.

It's hard enough finding a good trauma specialist, but even harder to find one who assesses and treats DID. Not all mental health professionals use the same battery of tests or evaluations to diagnose.

If you are feeling undermined or minimized by your T, or if your T is not really evaluating you the way you believe you should be evaluated, you can ask for another T or simply quit that T and find a new one in a different network that treats dissociation and trauma. If you call around to therapists or view their lists online, ask specifically if they treat and/or evaluate dissociative disorders. If they try to question your integrity as to why you're asking that, they are likely not the right therapists. The right kind of therapists to treat dissociative disorders will answer with a simple yes or no, the same way they would answer anyone who asks if they treat bipolar, depression, anxiety, eating disorders. Those disorders don't get the interrogation-like questioning of, "Why would you think you have dissociation?" Or "let's first see if you actually have that." Instead, with non-dissociative disorders, the answers are pretty straightforward.

So, to find a good therapist who takes you and your dissociative symptoms seriously, regardless of what dissociative disorder you may or may not meet the diagnostic criteria for, just simply ask if the therapist treats dissociation, and then see how they answer. That's the most simplest way to test the waters without wasting tons of copay monies on initial visits that wind up going nowhere. I've spent thousands of dollars trying to find the right therapist. And even then, not everyone is a good fit. I've dealt with short-term therapists and long-ish-term therapists. I finally found a really good one - the one I currently have, who has been my therapists the longest (for over 2 years now). But for the 15 prior years, I've not had that good of luck.

You came to the right place!

I'm sorry you struggle with dissociation.

Thank you. So far he is the best therapist that I have ever had. He mostly specializes in PTSD but it a trauma center. I just started therapy although I have needed it for a bunch of years. I think when 12 weeks are over they will refer me to someone else or back to my psychologist that referred me to him. I might have to go to a different doctor for OCD. But I go to the Veterans hospital and I can't go to a private place unless they refer me if they can't help me. I'm glad that you have a good therapist. It sucks that they wasted your time and money. I wasn't in therapy a long time because of bad therapists but I finally requested to see a different person because the social worker wasn't helping at all. I want to have a long time therapist to help me with a lot of different things. Maybe I just have to tell them my goals but I don't know what they can help me with so I have been researching because I didn't even know what a lot of things were called or why I am like I am.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by katmc1

Thank you. So far he is the best therapist that I have ever had. He mostly specializes in PTSD but it a trauma center. I just started therapy although I have needed it for a bunch of years. I think when 12 weeks are over they will refer me to someone else or back to my psychologist that referred me to him. I might have to go to a different doctor for OCD. But I go to the Veterans hospital and I can't go to a private place unless they refer me if they can't help me. I'm glad that you have a good therapist. It sucks that they wasted your time and money. I wasn't in therapy a long time because of bad therapists but I finally requested to see a different person because the social worker wasn't helping at all. I want to have a long time therapist to help me with a lot of different things. Maybe I just have to tell them my goals but I don't know what they can help me with so I have been researching because I didn't even know what a lot of things were called or why I am like I am.

Are you a veteran? If so, you can possibly seek assistance and counseling with PTSD specialists at the Vet Center, which is housed outside of the VA Hospital (VAMC).

I'm so sorry you are struggling with all of that, on top of OCD. I have OCD-like tendencies (not enough for the diagnosis), and my T (who used to be at the Vet Center before transferring to private practice; and who used to also consult for the FBI; and who is a veteran officer) has stated that it is also common for some veterans to experience both PTSD and OCD from trauma that brought the OCD about. She knows how to work with that, and she helped me to see that it's about control, and also to help me find ways to feel safe. She also knows that with dissociative disorders, on top of all the above, that it takes a long time to process many of those traumas and triggers spanning from childhood to military traumas and beyond.

I merely moved and then asked the VA for a referral, and I was going to ask the Vet Center directly, but then they had already referred me to my T at the Vet Center. Sometimes the VA refers to the Vet Center, and sometimes they refer from within the VA Hospital (VAMC) system. For those with disorders beyond PTSD and dissociation, for instance, they might refer out to a specialist at the VA Hospital (such as veterans with psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc.). But for other disorders, the Vet Center is more than capable of working with them.

The VAMC's (i.e., VA Hospital) has walk-in behavioral health units (though it might be different during a pandemic and surge in cases), so you can always request a different T or specialized T's for different things. Unlike civilian healthcare, the VA will allow you to see a specialist for insomnia (to learn short-term CBT-i, for example), as well as a smoking cessation therapist (to quit smoking), and other providers (like psychiatrists) to help with things beyond talk therapy for PTSD, coping skills groups, and more.

Not all VA's will have a specialist for dissociation, but it's worth asking about. You can also request that the VA pay for community care for a disorder that you believe will best be treated by a dissociation specialist (though this is extremely hard to get in certain jurisdictions, because not all VA's will operate the same; I know this because I've tried out three different VA's - and they state themselves that not all VA's are the same). Take, for instance, vaccines for Covid-19; many VA's offer different vaccines, and many of them have different rules for dissemination than what the public health offers in terms of Covid-19 vaccines. It's weird; and, the numbers of those included in state counts of both Covid-19 vaccines, Covid-19 cases, and Covid-19 deaths do NOT include veterans who seek care at the VAMC; they primarily only include veterans if they seek care in the community or solely through civilian healthcare). So, I'm not counted in the vaccination counts for my state, LOL. I'm also not counted in many state statistics either, since the VA holds their own separate stats for our unique population.

Anyway, I thought I'd mention this to you since you seek care at a Veterans Hospital.

Hope some of these things help.

Private message me if you have any questions or would like to chat.