[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn Paul said sometimes he is taken to a black void when alters front. Cayla once said she knows all about Paul in inner world and how Paul is usually a child (little Paul) there, about 9 or 10 she once said. Inner voices say they haven't seen Cayla in a long time. Paul is here right now kinda co-fronting. Everyone is okay.


How are your inner voices doing?

posting things I don't remember posting

also I burped

[stahrgeyzer]

This interesting but true quote made me feel alive


Our happiness depends on wisdom all the way. Sophocles

[Prettylittles]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Thank you so much for posting here, @Prettylittles! Please keep posting, & I hope you feel better soon!

Thank u so much for the welcome.

[stahrgeyzer]

Over all, I/we're doing a lot better than last year. It's getting close to a year since we've had therapy. Therapy is great for some people, but for us therapy was a disaster overall. It appears there are tactics psychologist may use, that IMO are immoral. I'm guessing they do it for certain people in an attempt to revive their passion for life, but it can obviously backfire like it did for me. I just wanted a good therapist who cared. Both of my main psychologist put far too much effort into trying to make me think they were romantically interested in me. I bought it for about a half of a year for my first T, but not for a second for my 2nd T. My 1st T was bad enough, ... in an older post I described some of it, but that's nothing compared to what my 2nd T did in countless therapy session. It was traumatizing TBH. I wish there was someone I could talk to, to vent rather than bottling it up inside, but I'd be too embarrassed.

I'm angry now just thinking about it

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm so sorry that happened, @stahrgeyzer.

[stahrgeyzer]

A lot of shattered people, perhaps all, have good but also disturbed negative parts. It's become so obvious there are parts inside who are in terror, so angry, full of hate, just a ball of pain. Every week or so they somehow get to the front, perhaps against their will, and they do a lot of SI. Even when they're not in control of the body I/we often hear their words of sheer hatred. We can feel S** and maybe another. We used to defend ourselves by replying to them but have learned to ignore them most of the time but it seems impossible to completely ignore such hate.

Why would the brain make them front? We feel like their pain builds till the brain becomes so desperate that it has to let them release some of their anger. It feels like therapy for them. Some people would love to take a pill or something just to make the voices go away, but we feel it's their only way to heal. It's like they're lost souls and we're their one and only last chance. If it means helping those who are in pain, then it's worth it to us.

They seem to be getting better. Sometimes they get worse for awhile, sometimes getting close to ending the body, and we have specialist to take over when that happens, but overall they're healing. It may seem like one isn't getting better, but they are. One day they'll be healed! Don't look at life as if your pain is pointless. Sometimes life may seem like it's not worth it, but by living with shattered parts you are spreading light into their soul, and thus you are saving them. But don't forget they took your pain during childhood, so they saved you!


Angel Fire, Clara, S** in background

[Breaking Dawn]

Thank you, @stahrgeyzer, for all this infomation. Very helpful. This makes sense for a lot of things that are so frustrating, keeping me forced to speculate various theories, which draws denial & anger from certain voices. I have a lot of new thoughts now.

[Breaking Dawn]

They are hurting me. I have to get to the store. When I get back, I hope to write some more.

[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn, can you write more now?

I'm feeling afraid that the country and worlds are becoming too divided and civil and world wars will begin. I just want to flee to the forests. Everything else seems like a waste of time for me.

[stahrgeyzer]

... and worst part is I feel the blame for everything. I'm the dreamer, and I created all of this mess, the world. How do I wake up??!! How do I stop this nightmare

[stahrgeyzer]

I'm trying to cope with being in the body again. Morning's aren't easy. Someone inside called the new girl Brittney. No luck trying to be peaceful like her. Paul & others

[Breaking Dawn]

@stahrgeyzer, I can't talk about war. Ok? And I'm so sorry about what you are going through. Our situations are not the same, but I can relate very well. I am so glad you found the face book groups. They are obviously helping you in some ways. I am not doing so good at the moment. But I do have faith, very fortunately, to help me hang in there, as they say. Take care, friend.

apparently I visited the forums yesterday

don't remember doing it, but blah. okay. not the first time it's happened and probably not the last either.

[Breaking Dawn]

Thank you, @raging vortex, for posting. It would be great if you could post some more. I hope today is a good day for you.

[Breaking Dawn]

Lots of problems. Trying to figure things out with the voices. Trying to find a way to accomplish my goals. So frustrating, & exhausting.

[Breaking Dawn]

They won't let me be. I starve for the freedom of being alone, just to be myself.

[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn There's always hope because nothing lasts forever. We like to say that to ourselves. A long time ago the front in this body used to hear a lot of negative hateful voices. It got to a point where we decided to try our best to ignore them and block them as much as possible. If we heard a bad voice we would sing or hum or talk. If we got too bad we would put listen to loud music, usually with headphones. In our case we have determined that although strongly ignore them did not have immediate affect, in the long run it somehow starved the source. We just googled this and academics say that singing, humming, listening to music is good at quieting voices. Everyone's different so we don't know if it would be a long term solution for you like is was for us. Nowadays we only get a few negative voices per day and they're so muffled we can barely hear them. A lot of us believe that thoughts are either creative or counter creative energies. When we hear bad voice we try to cancel/block it from entering our mind and replace it with something good. Singing a nice song is good and you could also start dancing like a ballerina. We noticed positive results in 2 to 3 months.

Besides the above, medication can work for some people. We took all kinds of meds like Latuda, but they didn't help at all.

Update: Over all we're doing much better ever since we decided to stop watching real life online streaming and videos of people who have a lot of problems. Yes we have always been drawn to such videos like flies to a fire because it made us feel less alone, like other people have similar problems, sometimes worse, but watching those videos and streams was a strong poison to our mind. The difference we feel already is amazing, and best part is that so far this body hasn't been triggered into serious and dangerous suicidal ideation. It may happen eventually but hopefully it would be as bad. ...On the bad side, we can't help but watch a lot of news videos about the Russian war and the global affects it's having on the world. Today we're determined to only do two updates on the news. It's like a drug or addiction somehow. So anyway we wonder what one would be like if they infused their entire existence in positivity. Maybe they would ascend into heaven and become an angel.

[Breaking Dawn]

I've been trying so hard today. Oh, well.

[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn I know what you mean. Sometimes I try but nothing much happens. But the next day might be the best day ever.

[Fuzzybear]

Good post. I'm doing much better mostly since I decided to avoid certain stuff that is always triggering (and doesn't add anything of value for me).

Dancing is good too

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

@Breaking Dawn There's always hope because nothing lasts forever. We like to say that to ourselves. A long time ago the front in this body used to hear a lot of negative hateful voices. It got to a point where we decided to try our best to ignore them and block them as much as possible. If we heard a bad voice we would sing or hum or talk. If we got too bad we would put listen to loud music, usually with headphones. In our case we have determined that although strongly ignore them did not have immediate affect, in the long run it somehow starved the source. We just googled this and academics say that singing, humming, listening to music is good at quieting voices. Everyone's different so we don't know if it would be a long term solution for you like is was for us. Nowadays we only get a few negative voices per day and they're so muffled we can barely hear them. A lot of us believe that thoughts are either creative or counter creative energies. When we hear bad voice we try to cancel/block it from entering our mind and replace it with something good. Singing a nice song is good and you could also start dancing like a ballerina. We noticed positive results in 2 to 3 months.

Besides the above, medication can work for some people. We took all kinds of meds like Latuda, but they didn't help at all.

Update: Over all we're doing much better ever since we decided to stop watching real life online streaming and videos of people who have a lot of problems. Yes we have always been drawn to such videos like flies to a fire because it made us feel less alone, like other people have similar problems, sometimes worse, but watching those videos and streams was a strong poison to our mind. The difference we feel already is amazing, and best part is that so far this body hasn't been triggered into serious and dangerous suicidal ideation. It may happen eventually but hopefully it would be as bad. ...On the bad side, we can't help but watch a lot of news videos about the Russian war and the global affects it's having on the world. Today we're determined to only do two updates on the news. It's like a drug or addiction somehow. So anyway we wonder what one would be like if they infused their entire existence in positivity. Maybe they would ascend into heaven and become an angel.

[Fuzzybear]

Possible Trigger

I knew someone who experienced severe depression (possibly for years). In therapy, with a good therapist, she found that the depression was in one of her parts (not in the whole of her, or her whole system). This has been helping her...

I had a ''professional'' (or he had me) who snarled at me and put me down when I told him I had a teddy bear for my inner cub. He had previously asked me what her name was and talked about......(I won't post that as it would probably be triggering to some people )

I wasn't harming anyone He was a complete loser and A hole. I doubt if he even ''achieved'' a mediocre university degree... yet he was out there, ''helping'' people and ''diagnosing'' them.

I bearly (spelling intentional) think of him any more. I didn't appreciate being traumatised by him though in addition to being traumatised by the parental units.

Please feel free to NOT respond to this post if you do not ''like'' it. Thanks

Respect to all


Thinking of deleting this. Hope everyone is safe tonight

[Breaking Dawn]

Please don't delete, Fuzzybear! And thank you for posting here!

[stahrgeyzer]

Life has ups and downs the stream. Don't take it seriously. Go with the flow. Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream.

[Breaking Dawn]

Thank you for the beautiful picture, stahrgeyzer!