[Breaking Dawn]

I've been feeling sad a lot, also dizzy & dissociated, & scared because of various reasons. Part is probably due to the weather, I guess. I've been reading some encouraging, spiritual advice & it actually helped a little bit.

[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn reading spiritual material can be wonderful. It's given us a lot of hope, made some of us feel not so alone. Suffering is no fun but it makes us stronger and better prepared for the big storms. It may be difficult to believe now but it is true. Remember all things will come to an end. That's the law of cycles.

[lemonSys]

Exhausted, mainly. Confused is a close second.

[lemonSys]

Hello 👋 @cool09

Originally Posted by cool09

How do you know when you have an identity disorder?

I’m not clear on the difference - if any - between an “identity” disorder and a “dissociative” disorder, so I don’t know how to answer your stated question.

When it comes to dissociative disorders, the (definitive) answer to “how do you know” is, unfortunately, “stupid/unhelpful” (so to speak) for many a person that wonders — you have to talk to a professional about your own experiences and go from there.

But, my personal opinion here, I think if yer asking the question - seriously considering it and not “exaggerating”or “lying” or whatever to yourself about how you experience things - it’s prolly an indication that yer somewhere “above normal” (whatever that may be) on the “disorder” continuum.

I had a depersonalization disorder when I was younger.

I think depersonalization disorder is a dissociative disorder - or at least an aspect of one of several “inclusionary criteria” for a dissociative disorder. I have no clue how that can change over the years - like does it “go away” as one ages or heals or whatever. Or is it a “once you are, you always are” kinda thing.

I spose this isn’t very helpful, really. This isn’t a “get a diagnosis” or a “yes I have/no I don’t have” kinda place.

But, if you want to share anything you’re feeling/experiencing in life - dissociative experiences in particular in this forum - folks here will comment/share anything they may have experienced or learned or whatever if they feel it relates. And, for me at least, that - community, understanding, other views, suggestions, knowing I’m not (always) crazy, support, etc - is what I needed more than a “definitive diagnosis”.

— lemonSys

[lemonSys]

@stahrgeyzer

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

…I have all the memories but often wonder if it would be better to not remember the memories of the previous people because they're usually so painful and it's not just the memories but the deep sinking feelings of helplessness and fear and worry and indescribable feelings like someone who was literally in hell. I feel terribly sorry for the person before me because they paced back and forth in a small dark room day and night for what feels like weeks in such pain as if they were waiting endlessly for an angel to save them.

😢 😢

Your words here could be my words, too. I’m sad you feel and experience this beyond icky-ouchy inky-darky stuff, too. Know you aren’t alone (that’s supposed to be comforting, but idk if it is or not).

Well I guess maybe I am their angel. When I entered this body I could feel that person sinking into darkness falling asleep finally at peace. I have the memories of this body but my own memories are at the tip of my tongue. I feel like my name is Ryan, and I came to save my very good friend. Rest in peace!

May I ask you about this? (I will ask, but If you don’t want to answer any of this for any reason that is entirely ok - your choice on what you share always.) Do you always feel like a new “incarnation” or “person” (not sure of a good word to use) when you switch? Or are there times you feel or know that the person/part you switch to has “been around” before once or twice or more?

Also, you caught me off guard when you said “I feel like my name is Ryan”. The past 7ish months a lot of stressful things started happening one after the other in my life culminating with my dad passing unexpectedly late August. There is a specific date I can point to and say that when I woke on that morning, I distinctly felt my old “self”- the one that is the first person all outsiders meet, the one “born to the body”, the “original host” - no longer existed; that (the present tense) I was now in her place. I knew that name was not my name, but didn’t know what my name was. Three days later, though, I dreamt I was unpacking some boxes in a new home. The boxes were mine. I recognized the objects. Then I pulled out my well-worn journal. I knew it was mine. But it said “Ryan” on the front, not “my name” that up until 3 days prior, had always existed. When I woke, I felt less lost- I now knew my name: Ryan. So yeah, you saying that definitely caught me by surprise. For what it’s worth, though, Ryan is a stronger person than the person that she “replaced/relieved/rescued”. I hope you find your Ryan is a stronger person for you, too.

— lemonSys

[stahrgeyzer]

@lemonSys

I'm very sorry to hear your dad recently passed away!

Do I/we always feel like a new person? I've fronted a few times before for a few minutes. This is my 1st time to stay out long. I believe it's usually the same people who front but sometimes there's a new one.

The way you describe waking up and feeling your old self, and learning your name and feeling less lost reminded me of an email friend I knew. She talks about being a walk-in. I'm not saying you're a walk-in but it just reminded me of that. One of the people in this body had an experience at age 13. One day while walking down the street they woke up. Before that everything seemed like a dream. He would ask friends if that's normal, but everyone said it's odd. Then one day he learned about people who claim to be walk-ins and it seemed to make sense.

I've talked about this with psychologists. They say psychology is just scratching the surface of understanding things, especially DID. Paul usually took pain so seriously, worrying about things. We create our reality. Like your quote says, "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."

[Breaking Dawn]

Often I have felt like I was a walk-in. I learned about walk-ins years ago from late night talk radio. I fortunately have an open mind when it comes to the paranormal & metaphysics. In fact, I incorporate these things in with my spiritual beliefs & even enjoy talking to God regarding them. And I have a good friend who also has that kind of open mind, very fortunately for me, so I don't feel so totally weird all the time.

[Breaking Dawn]

Today was so strange. Very dissociated, and my voices have been much nicer, which I appreciate so very much. I feel really, really lucky at this moment. I'm so very grateful for our wonderful forums here! There is this sadness at the same time, though. I just say to myself that it's part of my mental illness, & to hang on & keep trying & believing in a better time later on & wait for that wonderful moment.

I know I was dissociated at work earlier. I felt off all day like I was floating around in an alternate reality. I could barely put my thoughts together or function like I needed to. I removed myself several times and I tried some grounding techniques I learned, but still struggled throughout the day.

[Breaking Dawn]

Thank you so much, @LoneWolf001, for posting here! From my point of view, we can & do help each other.

[stahrgeyzer]

LoneWolf001 thanks for posting and welcome aboard. I like your wolf icon. It's very relatable.

[stahrgeyzer]

Not exactly sure who I am after waking up. Feel like me/Ryan was in for two days and after that it feels like a blend of a bunch of us but today me/Ryan is back mostly but I/we feel good although stressed out due to our living environment of constantly moving to another airbnb and crossing our fingers the home owner will be extra nice and no scary tenants but unfortunately it's common to have scary home owners and tenants and we only $80 in the bank now and resorting to $220 cash to pay for food. I can easily see how Paul is the way he is since he's appears to have been in the front the most.

And then I remind myself that pain makes us stronger so we're better prepared for the big storms so we're doing pretty good! And I finally remember another of our major goal in this life so I/we are working hard on that.

Stay strong!

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm sorry, @stahrgeyzer/Ryan, about everything you have to go through sometimes. I wish I could send your fairy godmother there to change everything into the way it ought to be.

I think its happening again . Think its bad this time. I was watching tv. now im feeling really off. Im holding ice chips trying to come back. Can barely feel them like im numb

[lemonSys]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

The way you describe waking up and feeling your old self, and learning your name and feeling less lost reminded me of an email friend I knew. She talks about being a walk-in.

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Often I have felt like I was a walk-in. I learned about walk-ins years ago from late night talk radio.

Guys— what are “walk-ins”? Where should I go - what kind of sites - to learn more about this/these?

— lemonSys

[lemonSys]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Thank you so much, @LoneWolf001, for posting here! From my point of view, we can & do help each other.

Ditto all this.

And ty all so much for being here/hear.



— lemonSys

[lemonSys]

Originally Posted by LoneWolf001

I think its happening again . Think its bad this time. I was watching tv. now im feeling really off. Im holding ice chips trying to come back. Can barely feel them like im numb

Ice is a good thought. When holding it in your hands doesn’t seem to help, have you ever tried holding ice to your vagus nerve (the back of your neck)? I find it more helpful than just having ice in my hands.

— lemonSys[K]

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by lemonSys

Guys— what are “walk-ins”? Where should I go - what kind of sites - to learn more about this/these?

— lemonSys

You can google it & mention it as a paranormal thing. It might refer to souls. The way I feel sometimes is like another person who lived in this body died & I came in & became connected to all her memories, so it seems like all those memories are mine. I suppose it's just depersonalization & derealization. But life is such a mystery, who can know anything for absolute certainty?

[stahrgeyzer]

........................

Originally Posted by lemonSys

Ice is a good thought. When holding it in your hands doesn’t seem to help, have you ever tried holding ice to your vagus nerve (the back of your neck)? I find it more helpful than just having ice in my hands.

— lemonSys[K]

I haven't tried putting ice on the back of my neck. I will try that next time and hope it helps me too. Thank you.

[stahrgeyzer]

We're doing wonderful. We are so pleased to see the early design stages of a new society based on unconditional love & science that will one day sweep across the world. But I'm sorry this will be the end of the negative collective species who has a strangle hold on humanity and this planet. We look forward to the peace period on Earth.

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling good but very switchy lately. Not sure who I am but feel like a dozen people at once. Was just watching a video of someone with rapid switching who gave a great idea that also helps with severe dissociation. Whenever things get too bad she uses smelling salts with good success. There seems to be different types ranging from smelling salt sticks that you crack open (she uses this type) to ammonia towelettes. The ammonia towelettes seem to be weaker but probably would help. The most popular in the US seem to be ammonia inhalant for athletes. I don't know how any of them smell or which one is the strongest. I read that they are safe but not really sure.

[stahrgeyzer]

We're feeling very good. We even got a loud chirp/bark/roost from I'm guessing the child Mr Friday.

Martin Luther King, Jr. birthday is January 15, 1929.
"We shall overcome because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."

ps Have patience, the peace period on Earth is coming

[Calla lily12]

Even though I was diagnosed with DID among other things I'm not sure I believe it. I doubt myself all the time even though some people have seen "evidence" of DID in me. Does it matter? I mean ,matter with me?

[stahrgeyzer]

My reality is just weird. It's in the little things. In this specific airbnb that I'm in now there's a constant supply of short roughly 1 inch long strands of hair on a certain area of a work bench. No matter of how often I clean it up, the next morning there's a fresh supply of it, like a dozen strands of hair. And my car keys thing is weird. Almost every time I take my keys out of my pocket it's upside down and I can't figure out why. I have to turn my car zapper around to push the door-lock button nearly ***every time***! It's symmetrical.

And another thing that's followed me my entire adult life. Every so many years I enter a super kindness humanitarian cycle and there are certain people who will hold their hand up to block me from their vision!! It gets to the point where it usually happens 1 to 2 times every store I visit. It's like I'm blinding them. I find it rude, but they don't seem to care.


I think we live in a reality that is completely different than the picture the academic science community paints.